So glad you came to visit today, because it is my privilege to host "Aging Gal" as my guest blogger today. The name of her blog is "Aging and Other Inconveniences" and she goes by the name of Heather McPhaul.
She is funny, witty, and a talented writer. In fact, she has published two books, both of which I own and have enjoyed reading. I reviewed "Raggedy Ann Heart" here, and I liked it so much, I purchased "Fire in the Hole' her other book which chronicles her adventures as a middle-aged stunt women. I believe I reviewed that one, too, but I apologize; I can't find that post. I do know it was hilarious and I laughed all the way through it!
I first discovered Heather through a Google Alert. Because of the title of my blog, I have asked Google to notify me of any thing that shows up on the internet about aging or retirement. They sent me a link to her blog post about her retirement plan, and I've been hooked on her blog ever since! Below is the post that hooked me:
Retirement Plan: Prison
Pension gone? Retirement fund stolen? Cost of health benefits unaffordable? Consider the retirement plan I’ve decided on for my future: Prison.
My Future Self
Radical, you say? Unreasonable? Mad? Just listen to the advantages: Days spent lounging in your room with dedicated time outdoors. Three square meals a day. An extensive library. Free gym membership. And, best of all, the most comprehensive health care coverage that money (but not yours) can buy. Is this a vacation in the Bahamas, or a fiesta in the big house? ¡Ándale! ¡Ándale! Sign me up!
First, how to qualify. Of course the options are as numerous as the human imagination. Choose the ignominy that is right for you!
Smile! You're set for life now!
Know someone who really sticks in your craw? Take out (Extinguish! Silence! Annihilate!) that someone. Let’s face it, he or she is probably a public nuisance anyway (or at least a major buzz kill). (Visualize yourself as the titular vigilante from the TV show Dexter.) Should you have your sights set on a big fish, don’t hold back. As a liberal, perhaps you’d like to “stare down the cross hairs” at a certain Alaskan pundit; as a dog lover, then perhaps you’d prefer to assault a particular NFL quarterback; as an honest citizen who is against stealing from schools and non-profit foundations (and pretty much everybody else), then you can always perform the ultimate swindle on everyone’s favorite Ponzi schemer. The options are limitless!
Or, instead of going rogue, go Robin Hood! Rob a bank or (better yet!) a Wall Street brokerage firm with the intent to “take from the rich and give to the poor.” You’ll qualify for the retirement planand look like a mensch!
The point is Get out there and commit a felony! Prisons are already overbooked and your bunk won’t be held forever. Give your soul a quick shakedown and decide as soon as possible what criminal offense has your name on it!
Your New Homies
And for your effort? A fully paid retirement in prison (ah, my mind is at ease already). Lounging, reading, working out — all at the taxpayers’ expense!
So stop worrying and put your retirement plan into action! Your new homies are waiting to meet you!
Full disclosure: Not responsible for injuries encountered in qualifying for plan. Entrance into the retirement plan available for all, excluding celebrities as they are impossible to convict.
That's the post that grabbed me--can you blame me???
I hope you'll visit Heather's blog, Aging and Other Inconveniences. Better still, sign on as a follower! You won't want to miss her posts... they are always good for a laugh! She is featuring me as a Guest Blogger on her site and has selected one of her favorites of my blog posts, so go read my post, then show her some love by browsing and reading some of her other posts. And you may even want to buy one or both of her books! They are well worth the time and cash! Tell her I sent you!!!!