Saturday, December 31, 2011

Saturday Silliness

You Know It's Time to Diet When...

- You dance and it makes the band skip.

- You are diagnosed with the flesh eating virus, and the doctor gives you 22 more years to live.

- Your driver's license says, "Picture continued on other side."

- You ran away and they had to use all four sides of the milk carton for your picture. 


I love Christmas Lights, They remind me of politicians!
They all hang together,
half the suckers don't work,
and the ones that do aren't that bright!


The End is Near!

  _ Olaf is the Pastor of the local Norwegian Lutheran Church and Pastor
Sven is the minister of the Swedish Covenant Church across the road.

 One day they are seen pounding a sign into the ground, which says:


 As a car speeds past them, the driver leans out his window and yells, "Leave people alone, you Skandihoovian religious nuts!" 

 From the curve they heard screeching tires and a big splash. 

 Shakin' his head, Rev. Olaf says "Dat's da terd one dis mornin'." 

 "Yaa," Pastor Sven agrees, then asks, "Do ya tink maybe da sign should yust say, 'Bridge Out?'" _ __ __



Two sisters, one blond and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble...
In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.

Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, 'When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.'

The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it.

The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.
She walks into the telegraph office, and says, 'I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch and I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.'

The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, it will cost 99 cents a word.

Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.

After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, 'I want you to send her the word 'comfortable.'

The operator shakes his head. 'How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word

The brunette explains, 'My sister's blonde. The word is big.

She'll read it very slowly... 'com-for-da-bul.'



SherilinR said...

sometimes my tears run down my legs when i laugh too. =)

River said...

I love how you make me laugh every Saturday!
Com-for-da-bull- that's hilarious.
Bridge out, ha ha.
And the "politician" christmas lights....too true.

Brian Miller said...

haha bridge that one...and that first line making the band skip...that is priceless...haha happy new year eva!

Lazarus said...

You always find the best humor on the web Eva and this was no exception. Loved the flesh-eating virus line the best, thanks! And all the best to you and Mr. Eva for a great 2012 my friend!

Dazee Dreamer said...

I love your funny posts. And I hate to tell you I'm stealing the picture about tears coming down your legs.

Melissa Ann Goodwin said...

Hilarious! I love the flesh-eating virus joke. And the bridge out joke. And, oh well, okay, all of them. Thanks so much for the laughs!

Sue said...

This one wins for me, hands down:

You are diagnosed with the flesh eating virus, and the doctor gives you 22 more years to live.



Chris@Knucklehead! said...

22 years to live.

That was my favorite.

Mary at Deep South Dish said...

Always a laugh Eva! Happy New Year!!

Reeni said...

Bwahahahahaha... you have the best jokes! Here's to another great year full of laughs - Happy New Year!

Terri Sonoda said...

Good ones! They just paired very well with my 2nd glass of wine. LMAO. HUGs and Happy New Year!

Eva Gallant said...

Terri: Glad I could provide the right accompaniment for your wine! lol