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Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Ten Office Christmas Party Tips

 It's been a long, tough year.   It's time for the  annual holiday celebrations. You've been working hard, under-staffed, under-paid, and now here's the chance to cut loose and let it all hang out!  In case you missed this last year, I thought it was time to repost.

Having been to an office Christmas Party of two in my day, I've learned by observation and/or experience a few company Christmas Party tips that I thought I'd share with you.  The following are actions that are bound to send you spiraling on the corporate ladder.  In which direction?  You decide.


1.  Walk in late with a major buzz already brewing in your brain.  Both will draw attention to youself, and the latter will increase the possibility that you will be remembered in the morning.
2.  Ladies:   Wear something hot and provocative; this is your chance to make a statement and be noticed.  Don't miss a chance to flirt with the CEO, even if his wife is at his elbow.
3.  Grab as many free drinks as you can; the company's footing the bill for the booze, and that's the expensive stuff.  Don't waste valuable stomach space cluttering it up with food that will put the damper on that buzz.


4.  Guys, be ready for that momentary lull in the conversation;  have the raunchiest joke you can come up with on the tip of your tongue and spit it out!  Don't worry about offending anyone...it's a party for God's sake.  They need to lighten up!

5.  Take this opportunity to corner your boss's boss at the bar and let him know that bastard supervisior of yours doesn't know his ass from his elbow, and you could handle the job much better.



6.  There's mistletoe?  Make sure you get "Jugs" the admin under it and plant a wet one on her while copping a feel!  Her actions may say no, but you know she's always been hot for you.

7.  Once you've consumed enough liquid courage, approach the company CEO with your idea to install  beer taps in the employee dining area.  He's bound to appreciate your ingenuity!

8.  If there's music, a little exotic dance might be just the gesture to make sure your name is on everyone's mind for future promotions.

9.    When all those beers, bourbons, and bacardis start to come up on you, don't vomit on the floor.  The punch bowl or he nearest ladies purse are safer bets.


Just one more tip:

10.  When Monday morning rolls around, you may want to update your resume.  I'm just sayin'.

EVA

17 comments:

River said...

Party?
I have to Party??
Oh dear....ummmmm....
*runs and hides*

Brian Miller said...

haha just one reason or ten that i usually do not go...scary things office parties...

Pearl said...

Just in time! Acme Grommets and Napkins Inc SpA Gmbh Pty Ltd is having a "wine down" tonight. I've got a bottle of Riesling, a corkscrew, and now I've got a list of things to aim for.

Thanks!!

Pearl

bill lisleman said...

I've seen the office party change over my career and now they are in the past. I enjoyed most of them and some were great. Too much sexual harassment fear today for your tips.

Terri Sonoda said...

HAHAHA! Hmmm, maybe that's why I've had such a hard time finding another job. I wonder what I actually did at the last office party? LOL

Unknown Mami said...

Eva! Are you trying to get everyone promoted out the door?

Sue said...

I'm with Brian. Not a fan of most office parties.

Though my old job used to have some pretty neat ones. Do you think the fact that it was an all-female office had anything to do with that?

;)

Kristina P. said...

Man, my office parties suck!

Al Penwasser said...

I would think that, if I let it all hang out, I wouldn't have to worry about #1. I'd already be drawing attention to myself.

Kristy said...

I remember this post from last year! I love it. Confession: I tend to break lots of office party "rules" at Christmas parties, and this year was no exception! I always say I should go to work on Monday with a shirt that says, "I'm sorry." For example, when someone asks me what I think of so-and-so (one of our bosses), and I yell, "Oh, he's a fucker!" and then he walks right by with his wife glaring at me. Yeah. Stuff like that.

Reeni said...

Heehee I like #9! Hopefully in the co-worker's purse who you hate the most!

Eva Gallant said...

Terri: you devil, you!

UnknownM: Who, me???

The Frisky Virgin said...

LOL--LOVE #10--because, yeah, that would need to happen after 1-9! lol

ipenka said...

Great advice...

People who follow it will be "wrestling with retirement" themselves in no time!

Happy Holidays.

Eva Gallant said...

Frisky: Yep!

ipenka: so true.

Argent said...

My company is doing 'austerity' this year, so no parties for us. The tips and handy for future ref though and love the illustrations.

Eva Gallant said...

Argent: that's too bad; be sure to file this for future reference.