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Monday, October 31, 2011

Happy Halloween!

Here's the link to My Halloween wish for you....what you would see if you came to trick or treat at my house!

EVA

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Sundays in My Neck of the Woods


The Longhorn Steakhouse is our favorite restaurant in southern Maine.  There are 350 Longhorn restaurants in 33 states, so many of you may be familiar with the place.  We have had dinner there many times, often on special occasions and never been disappointed.


The decor is pretty much the same at each location; there are wonderful paintings of western landscapes on the walls.


Above is the Lone Star; there are cowboy boots, saddles, and black rod-iron silhouettes of cowboys and cattle and horses.  All the dark wood, leather-clad booths, and tables add to the warm, western ambiance.  


On this particular day, we stopped in for lunch.  We started off with still-warm, freshly baked dark bread with a tub of butter.


We followed that up with salad.  I apologize--I had already eaten part of it before I remembered to take a photograph.  Lettuce, chopped tomatoes, cucumbers, purple onions, shredded cheese, and crispy croutons were a pleasure to the palate.

I followed the salad with a bowl of Potato Soup and a half sandwich.  (Once again, I had slurped up most of the delicious concoction before I remembered to photograph it.!)  The soup was thick and creamy with potato chunks, shallots, bacon bits, and lots of cheese!  Mr. Eva had the  French Onion Soup with the half sandwich.  His soup also was topped with lots of cheese and some bacon bits and was every bit as tasty.

I decided to take a second shot of the sandwich, so you could get a better look at it.  We're talking shaved prime rib, lots of sauteed onions, topped with melted cheese on a crispy roll.  Yummers!  And notice the little cup of fresh made potato chips topped with melted cheese and bacon pieces above and slightly to the left of the sandwich.  They, too, were a delight, and just enough to satisfy the urge for chips!

Our waitress, Christina, was in training, but did a fine job of taking care of our needs.  When she brought the check, I stuck my debit card in the slot provided.  When she returned the check, my card was not in the slot.  I mentioned that my card was missing, and several of the staff came forward to search for it, reassuring me that the card would be found.  It turned out to be tucked  under the receipts, the whole time.  I felt a little sheepish, but the wait staff was just relieved that I had found  my card!

Our appetites were sated so we skipped the tasty desserts and left with happy tummies!  Once again, the Longhorn  Steakhouse came through with flying colors.  They definitely will keep us coming back.

Note:  We were not compensated in any way for this review.  We paid for our meals, and the opinions expressed were mine and Mr. Eva's only.

EVA

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Saturday Silliness

Baggage?

A divorcee never remarried, and her daughter wanted to know why. 

"The men I know would bring too much heavy baggage to the marriage and I simply don't want to put up with it," she explained.

Taking her mother's hand in hers, the daughter said sweetly, "I hate to break the news to you, Mom, but you're not exactly carry-on yourself."

*****************


The Pilot and the Priest

A priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.

Saint Peter addresses this cool guy, 'Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven ? '



The guy replies, 'I'm Jack, retired airline pilot from Houston .'
Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the pilot, 'Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom.' The pilot goes into Heaven with his robe and staff.


Next, it's the priest's turn. He stands erect and booms out, 'I am Father Bob, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last 43 years.'
Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the priest, 'Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom.
'Just a minute,' says the good father. 'That man was a pilot and he gets a silken robe and golden staff and I get only cotton and wood. How can this be? 

'Up here - we go by results,' says Saint Peter. 'When you preached - people slept. When he flew, people prayed.
'

*****************

Catholic Golf?





A Catholic priest and a nun were taking a rare afternoon off
and enjoying a round of golf.

The priest stepped up to the first tee and took a mighty swing.
He missed the ball entirely and said "Darn, I missed."

The good Sister told him to watch his language.

On his next swing, he missed again. "Darn, I missed."

"Father, I'm not going to play with you if you keep swearing,"
the nun said tartly..

The priest promised to do better and the round continued.

On the 4th tee, he misses again. The usual comment followed.

Sister is really mad now and says, "Father John, God is going

to strike you dead if you keep swearing like that."

On the next tee, Father John swings and misses again.
"Darn, I missed."

A terrible rumble is heard and a gigantic bolt of lightning comes
out of the sky and strikes Sister Marie dead in her tracks. 




And from the sky comes a booming voice



"Darn, I missed."
*************************

Only in Alabama


Bubba and Johnny Ray were sittin' on the front porch
drinking beer when a large truck hauling rolls and rolls of sod went by."I'm gonna do dat when I win the lottery," said Bubba."Do what?" asked Johnny Ray."Send my grass out to be mowed."

******************************

EVA

Friday, October 28, 2011

Love is Where You Find It #8

If you missed Chapter 7, click here.

To go all the way back to the beginning, click here.
******

The following couple of days at Langdon were amazingly busy.  Adelaide spent her mornings learning about nutrition, the roles diet and exercise would play in her recovery, and how yoga could help with her relaxation and general well-being.

Michael had taken to meeting her at her door in the morning and walking to breakfast with her.  They made sure to find each other at lunch and dinner.  After dinner, they would take a walk in the atrium or watch some television in the community lounge.  Holding hands during these times had become a habit, and most recently, they had shared a kiss outside the door to her room when no one was watching.

That night, Addie had climbed into her bed with mixed feelings.  While she was truly enjoying the direction her relationship with Michael was taking, the knowledge that the two of them would be discharged from the facility cast a shadow on her happiness.  How would she be able to continue seeing Michael if she had to spend a couple of months convalescing at her sister’s in Rockland?

To make matters worse, she hadn’t even been able to talk to Carolyn yet.  She was still in Las Vegas.  The message on her cell phone voice mail said,  “Gone sight-seeing in the desert for a couple of days, and probably won’t have coverage.  Leave a message and I’ll call when I get back.” 

That had been two days ago; Adelaide knew that time was running short.  Now she was sitting in the dining room at lunch waiting for Michael and worrying about what she should do.

“Hey, pretty lady, mind if I join you?”  Michael’s eyes were the same blue as his V-neck sweater, and she loved the warmth of his smile.  His hands were in the pockets of his khakis.

“You’d better sit quick before someone beats you to it,” she laughed.  Despite the laughter, Michael sensed that something was bothering her.

“So what’s on your mind, Addie?  You seem a little tense today.”

“I saw on my schedule that I’m seeing Dr. Wilson this afternoon.  I suspect that he’ll be telling me it’s time to be on my way.”

“That’s a good thing, isn’t it?  It means you’re well on your way back to being healthy.  My doctor came by this morning and I’m being discharged tomorrow.  And this time I have your cell phone number!”  Michael chuckled as he poured himself a cup of decaf coffee.

“I haven’t been able to get in touch with my sister Carolyn yet, and Felicia called to let me know she has my room cleaned and the bed changed, all ready for me to come home.  I really don’t want to go back to daily go-arounds with her.  It’s just been so pleasant here.”

They both were silent while Becky, the server, placed their fruit and cereal bowls on the table, along with the skim milk and orange juice.  Then Michael reached for Addie’s hand.

“I’ve been thinking about things, and I have an idea for you to consider.  How about if you move in with me?  I have a good-sized home, all on one floor—no stairs, an empty guest room with its own bathroom, so you could have your privacy.  We’d be company for each other.  I already have a cleaning lady, so I’m not looking for someone to do housework,” he chuckled, “and we could just see where this goes.”

“I’m not sure that would be proper,” Addie began.

“I’m not looking for a roommate with “benefits,” assured Michael, “although if the benefits were to become available, I wouldn’t refuse them."

He sat there looking at her, expectantly, with a twinkle in his eye, and he held her hand in both of his.

( to be continued)to go to chapter 9, click here.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Top Ten Reasons I Won't Join a Sex Club.

The news gets more and more strange around here.  The other day I posted about a dead body found in a freezer in a storage locker.  Today, another local headline grabbed my attention.

"Sex Club for Swingers Discovered in Sanford."  While I'm impressed with the alliteration (one of my favorite writing quirks!), I'm floored that this activity was going on just 40 minutes away from me in a former Knights of Columbus Hall, no less, and I was totally unaware!  Never once did we get an invite!  Perhaps they discriminate against old farts...I'm not sure.

Anyway, it seems the police went undercover (or would that be uncovered?),   attended a party at "Mousam View Place," and got QUITE the view!  There were lots of naked people engaging in various sex acts, free-flowing booze, cats and dogs living together....(the later being my conjecture, entirely).   I'm sure the Fuzz must have made a THOROUGH investigation!  It's a tough job, but someone has to do it!

The owners of the building at one time had a catering business at the location, prior to getting involved in funny business.  Turns out, they did not have a license to run a sex-related industry there, and have been informed that they must end all such shenanigans.  

In an attempt to uncover more information on the situation, I Googled "Sex Club for Swingers."  Holy Crap!   Hundreds came up!  I had no idea.  This knowledge caused me to do some serious soul-searching.  Would I ever join such a club?  In the end, I came up with

 The Top Ten Reasons I Won't Join a Sex Club:

10.  The climate in Maine from September thru June is just not conducive to nakedness.

 9.  Goose bumps make me look fatter.

 8.  The urge to pee is more frequent when I'm cold.

 7.  Without undies, no place to park my Poise pad.

 6.  Okay, my debit card might stay put under my naked boob, but where would I put my car keys?

 5.  Tanning may cause cancer.  (And who would go anywhere naked without a tan?)

 4.  Walking around barefoot, in a place where others are barefoot, could result in athlete's foot.

 3.  I have a tendency to spill snacks on myself;  this could make for a sticky me.

 2.  My poor mother would roll over in her grave, and I'd probably have to dodge lightning!

And the Number 1 reason I wouldn't join a sex club for swingers:

 1.  I've seen me naked; it's not a sight I care to share freely!


I guess I'll confine my exciting activities to blogging.  It's much less risky and much more comfortable!

 EVA

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

New Word Wednesday #43

Every time I comment on a website where I have to type a word verification to get my comment posted, I can't help but think,  "What a waste!  What could possibly be a very helpful word is now going to disappear and never be seen again."

With all the attention being paid to "going green" in this country, I think it's time for bloggers to go green and recycle the letter combos used in word verification. (I personally did away with the process to eliminate the waste of words, but some people just aren't as conservation minded!)

I decided several weeks ago to start a meme called "New Word Wednesday", thus creating a dictionary of new words based on the letter combos that pop up in the word verification process. You may feel free to do the same, or to grab my words and use them. (You know, if you use a new word three times, it's in your vocabulary forever; at least that's what I've heard)

Just think, we can learn new words and go green just by recycling/reusing the words that show up at comment time.

Here are this week's words:

adtwite:  advertising copy especially written for posting on Twitter; as in, "Being good at composing adtwite requires a special talent  for getting a catchy message across in a limited number of characters."

chinef: (noun)  a Chinese chef; as in, "The food at the Happy Dragon Restaurant was deliciously authentic, thanks to the newly hired chinef."

jigual:  (adjective)  a solo sexual activity performed while incarcerated; as in, "Vincent made a jigual visit to his cot several times a day."

lasta:  (noun) the final serving of pasta; as in, "Luigi could always be counted on to scoop up the lasta as a second serving when Mamma made spaghetti."

wedderama:  (noun) a ridiculously elaborate nuptial celebration; as in "The next Kardashian marriage is bound to be a wedderrama in an attempt to outdo the previous event."

Remember:  Use a word 3 times in a sentence and it's in your vocabulary for ever! (At least that's what I've heard!)

EVA

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Talk About Cold Storage!

Mr. Eva enjoys watching a program on tv called "Storage Wars."  On this show, people bid on the contents of abandoned self storage units, without knowing the actual contents.  They can look in from the entrance, but cannot step inside.  They may see boxes, furniture, tools, sports equipment, but they have no way of knowing what isn't in plain sight.  Could those boxes hold jewelry?  Valuable sports memorabilia? Or maybe worthless old shoes, magazines, etc.

So basically, it's a gamble.  They might make a winning bid of a $600 and end up with items they can sell for several thousand dollars, or bid $2500 and discover nothing of value in those boxes.

I couldn't help but think of those "gamblers" when I read that when the family of a 80 year-old deceased man found and unplugged freezer in his storage unit.  Inside the freezer were a person's remains, which police believe may be that of a woman who dated the deceased man and disappeared 28 years ago!  The storage unit had been rented by this man since 1992 and had reportedly visited the unit from time to time over the years..  




Was he still "courting" his dead girlfriend?  Who knows?   It certainly is a bizarre find and must have been a terrible shock to the family members who were going through his belongings.  And of course this may bring sad closure to the family of the missing woman.

It looks like there's a strong possibility that the deceased man got away with murder.  I can't help but wonder what went through his mind all those years.  Was he living in fear of being discovered?  Was he laughing inside because he'd committed the "perfect" crime?  Did he regret what he'd done?  Was he riddled with guilt until his death?  I guess we may never know.

Sorry to for such a grim post, but it was just so bizarre I had to do it.  Back to my usual lighter fare tomorrow!

Monday, October 24, 2011

Mother Goose Rhymes for Seniors

An updated Jack and Jill:

Can't read the print on the cartoon?

Jack and Jill jogged  up the hill, 
Their breath came faster and faster.
Before the top, they made a stop
Narrowly averting a myocardial disaster!

*****************************

A woman of a certain age is no longer wondering where her little dog has gone; she has other problems!

In case you couldn't read the above:


Oh where, oh where has my estrogen gone?
Oh where oh where can it be?

I was once young and fair, 
Now I sprout facial hair--
Oh, hormones please come back to me!

**********************************

Jack Spratt's wife is now a widow turning 50!

Again, the words above:

Poor Mrs. Fifty was not feeling nifty, 
Eating her low-fat Swiss cheese.

When she was twenty, she used to eat plenty
And never gained weight round her knees!

*************************


Twinkle, Twinkle now has a new Wrinkle!
(This one is dedicated to Al Penwasser!)

Rhyme:

Tinkle, tinkle in a jar; yearly check-up, here you are.

My LDL is much to high; I'm sure my pressure's reached the sky.

Why's his finger up so far?  I wish I'd never left my car!

*********************************



Mother Hubbard's cupboard isn't the only thing that's bare!

For those who are having trouble reading the print:

Middle-aged Mervin went to the surgeon
To affix to his scalp some new hair.

But when he awoke, he looked worse than a joke, 
And he wished that he'd left his head bare!

***********************

Not sure which rhyme this is!

words from the cartoon:

I wrinkle, I crinkle, 
I no longer twinkle--
How did this come so soon?

Just yesterday I was thirty-one--
I'm fifty-four next June!

******************

This could be another Twinkle, Twinkle--I'm not sure, but I sure identify with the topic!

rhyme:

Stock market, stock market,
I'm down on my knees;
You've got to recover,
I'm begging you please!

I'd gotten use to easy cash,
My wife and I had quite a stash.

Stock market, stock market,
Please go higher.
If you crash, we can never retire!

***************************

And in closing:


IMPORTANT MESSAGE ABOUT GROWING OLD



Well, CRAP!!!


Now I forgot what I was gonna tell ya!
.
EVA

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Sundays in My Neck of the Woods


Sea Smoke BBQ is a new little eatery and take out joint in Scarborough, Maine.  It's in a small plaza on the right hand side of Route 1 as you are driving south from Portland.

You go up to the counter and place your order from a variety of choices listed on the wall menu.   You can pick from BBQ ribs, brisket, sausage, chicken, or pork  along with sides such as baked beans, coleslaw, fresh cut fries, green beans, sweet potato casserole, and others.   Hamburgers and hot dogs are another option, as well as family- and party-sized takeout combinations.


I counted 7 picnic tables which would seat 4 each, plus, as mentioned above, takeout is available, if you prefer.  


Mr. Eva and I elected to eat in.  I had the BBQ brisket and sausage, with fresh cut fries and baked beans.  A corn muffin came with it; Mr. Eva doesn't care for corn muffins, so he gave me his.


Mr. Eva had the BBQ sausage and pulled pork with the same sides I had;  he shared his pulled pork with me and I shared my BBQ brisket with him.  I had more than I could finish!

The service was quick and friendly and the food was delicious.  The only criticism I have to offer is the meats weren't very hot, temperature wise; they were just lukewarm.  They were delicious, just the same and would have been absolutely heavenly had they been a few degrees warmer!  The generous portioned meals are served on paper plates with plastic utensils.  (The brisket was wonderfully tender and easy to cut with the plastic knife.)  Beer is available as well as soft drinks by the bottle or fountain service cup.

Because Mr. Eva and I are portly souls, we aren't crazy about the picnic tables; that won't stop us from going back from time to time for takeout, I'm sure!  
This place is certainly worth a stop if you're in the area; I can't wait to try their ribs!

note:  I was not compensated for this review.  We paid for our meals and the opinions expressed are mine alone.

EVA

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Saturday Silliness




A man and woman were having a quiet, romantic dinner in a fine restaurant. They were gazing lovingly at each other and holding hands.

Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps away, suddenly noticed the man slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, but the woman acted unconcerned.

The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table.  Still, the woman appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware her dining companion had disappeared.

The waitress went over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table."

The woman calmly looked up at her and said, "No, he didn't. He just walked in the door."

***************  


Complete and Finished - what's the difference?

No English dictionary has been able to explain the difference between the two words 'complete' and 'finished' in a way that's so easy to understand:

Some people say there is no difference between COMPLETE & FINISHED. But, there is an explanation, as told by a New Englander.

When you marry the right one, you are COMPLETE.
And when you marry the wrong one, you are FINISHED.
And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are ... COMPLETELY FINISHED!!!






****************



A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as
he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible.

He picked up the object and looked at it.. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.

'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out.

'What have you got there, dear?'

With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam 's underwear!' 


*****************

Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.     Sam Ewing
***************


Letters to and from prison:


"Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty sad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.
Love,
Papa

A few days later he received a letter from prison from his son.

"Dear Papa,
Don't dig up that garden. That's where the bodies are buried.
Love,
Vinnie"

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.

That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

"Dear Papa,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now.
That's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love you,
Vinnie"

*****************

EVA

Friday, October 21, 2011

Friday Fiction: Love is Where you Find It #7

To go back to Chapter 1, click here.


If you only missed chapter 6, click here.


Adelaide recognized the voice immediately and smiled, “This seat is not taken, but when did you become an old fool?”


“When I left the hospital without getting your phone number or address.  I tried to get it from the nurse, but she started babbling something about hippos not letting her divulge that information.  I couldn’t believe it when I spotted you in the first floor elevator this morning.  I’m awfully glad you ended up here, too.”  

“Well, I’m really not sure I’m supposed to be here, but my Doctor says I can’t go home to my apartment.  He thinks my daughter and granddaughter are the source of too much stress for me right now.  He said he would send me here for a few days so I could have the time to work out another arrangement.  And by the way, it’s not hippos, it’s HIPPA—government regulations regarding patient privacy,” Addie laughed.  It was good to laugh again, she thought.

“So your daughter and granddaughter stress you out?”

“Not my granddaughter,” said Addie.  “It’s my daughter, really.  I’m afraid I spoiled her when she was a child, and now she’s going through a divorce and is not a very pleasant adult.  She created a scene in my room at Meadowview and I suspect the nurse told Doc Wilson about it.  Now he thinks I need some time to mend without her getting me riled up on a regular basis, which she is quite capable of doing.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” said Michael.  “What will you do?”

“I have a sister who lives in Rockland; I guess I’m going to go stay with her for a while.”

The server brought their lunches and they stopped talking while they sampled the fare. 

“This is really good,” remarked Addie, as she munched on a turkey club sandwich on whole wheat bread.  She had not expected the food to be good at a large facility like Langdon Rehab.  The sandwich, the fruit salad, and the fresh lemonade were delicious.  The kitchen had found a way to make healthy meals appetizing!

“Yes, they do a nice job,” rejoined Michael. 

The couple finished their meal in silence, enjoying just being in each other’s presence again.  Neither could believe their good fortune in winding up at Langdon Rehabilitation together.  Smiles were exchanged between bites, and they both were somewhat lost in their own thoughts.



As the server took away their plates, Michael stood and immediately pulled out Addie’s chair.  “What’s on the agenda this afternoon,” he asked.

“Nutrition class; I need to learn what to eat and what to avoid.  I think my dietary habits are passable, but I guess ‘all who enter here’ must endure nutritional training.”

“It’s not bad.  You’ll be surprised how much and what you can eat.  They basically steer you away from fat and salt.  Food wasn’t my problems as much as lack of exercise,” offered Michael.  “Will you save me a seat for dinner?”

“You, bet,” promised Addie.  “I’ll look forward to it.”  The prospect of having to spend a few days at Langdon Rehab suddenly didn’t seem that bad.



(to be continued.)
To go back to Chapter 1, click here.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Yes, They're Out There!

A DC airport ticket agent offers some examples of 'why' our country is in trouble:

1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman (Carol Shea-Porter) ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window. (On an airplane!)

2. I got a call from a Kansas Congressman's (Moore) staffer (Howard Bauleke), who wanted to go to Capetown.  I started to explain the length of the flight and the pass port information, and then he interrupted me with, ''I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts ....''
Without trying to make him look stupid, I calmly explained, ''Cape Cod is in Massachusetts , Capetown is in Africa ''
his response -- click.

3. A senior Vermont Congressman (Bernie Sanders) called, furious about a Florida package we did.  I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando.  He said he was expecting an ocean-view room.  I tried t o explain that's not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state.
He replied, 'don't lie to me, I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state!'' 

4. I got a call from a lawmaker's wife (Landra Reid) who asked, ''Is it possible to see England from Canada ?''
I said, ''No.''
She said, ''But they look so close on the map.'' 

5.  An aide for a cabinet member(Janet Napolitano) once called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas.   I pulled up the reservation and noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas . When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, ''I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between gates to save time.'' 

6. An Illinois Congresswoman (Jan Schakowsky) called last week.  She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 a.m., and got to Chicago at 8:33 a.m.
I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois , but she couldn't understand the concept of time zones.  Finally, I told her the plane went fast, and she bought that.

7. A New York lawmaker, (Jerrold Nadler) called and asked, ''Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?''  I said, 'No, why do you ask?' 
He replied, ''Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I'm overweight. I think that's very rude!''
After putting him on hold for a minute, while I looked into it.  (I was dying laughing).  I came back and explained the city code for Fresno , Ca. is (FAT - Fresno Air Terminal), and the airline was just putting a destination tag on his luggage.

8. A Senator John Kerry aide (Lindsay Ross) called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii.  After going over all the cost info, she asked, ''Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii ?''

9. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman, Bobby Bright from Ala who asked, ''How do I know which plane to get on?''
I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, ''I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these planes have that number on them.''

10. Senator Dianne Feinstein called and said, ''I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola , Florida.    Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?''
I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola , FL on a commuter plane.
She said, ''Yeah, whatever, smarty!''

11. Mary Landrieu , La. Senator called and had a question about the documents she needed in order to fly to China.  After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded her that she needed a visa.  'Oh, no I don't.  I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those.''
I double checked and sure enough, her stay required a visa. When I told her this she said, ''Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express!''

12. A New Jersey Congressman (John Adler) called to make reservations, ''I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York .''
I was at a loss for words.  Finally, I said, ''Are you sure that's the name of the town?''
'Yes, what flights do you have?'' replied the man.
After some searching, I came back with, ''I'm sorry, sir, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a rhino anywhere."
''The man retorted, ''Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!''
So I scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, ''You don't mean Buffalo , do you?''
The reply? ''Whatever! I knew it was a big animal.''

Now you know why the Government is in the shape that it's in!
Could anyone be this DUMB?

YES, THEY WALK AMONG US, ARE IN POLITICS, AND THEY CONTINUE TO BREED..

I don't write it, I just offer it for your consideration. Like manure, you just gotta spread it around.

EVA