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Saturday, January 7, 2012

Saturday Silliness


A woman went into a post office to buy some stamps for her Christmas cards.

'What denomination do you want?' asked the lady at the counter.

'Good God!' she replied, Has it come to this? I suppose you'd better give me twenty Catholic and twenty Presbyterian.

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Two boys were arguing when their teacher entered the room.

She said, "Why are you arguing"?

One boy answers, "We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."

"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher. "When I was your age, I didn't even know what a lie was."

The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.

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A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway next to a priest.
The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and
a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He
opened his newspaper and began reading.

After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, 'Say Father,
what causes arthritis?'

The priest replies, 'My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with
cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man,!
sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath.'

The drunk muttered in response, 'Well, I'll be damned, ' Then returned to
his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and
apologized. 'I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long
have you had arthritis?'

The drunk answered, 'I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here
that the Pope does.'



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A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do?

His mother had an idea: "Why don't you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your apartment for a home- cooked meal?"

He thought this was a great strategy, and arranged a date for a week later. His mother called the day after the big date to see how things had gone.

"The evening was a disaster," he moaned.

"Why, didn't she come over?" asked his mother.

"Oh, she came over, but she refused to cook...."

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EVA 

10 comments:

Joanna Jenkins said...

So that's what's happening to my clothes... Calories!
Ha.
xo jj

River said...

Those pesky little calories have been in my closet too.
I love the lady buying stamps!
And the Pope with arthritis....

PⒿ @ $ € € ₦$ ₣®0₥... said...

The first two made me laugh....but the kitten and bunny were kah-yute!
Happy New Year, Eva!!!

Brian Miller said...

haha the kitten and the bunny pic is awesome...lol

SherilinR said...

the kitten/bunny picture is so cute and the line perfect.
ha! that dumb guy wanting her to cook is going to be single for a long time!

Kara said...

Thanks for the morning chuckle! What a great way to start my day!

Jen said...

All were really great, Eva.....once again ....you make us laugh!!

Sue said...

I liked the first and last ones best!

=)

Reeni said...

I'm cackling out loud! Love the one about the pope!

Pat said...

I like the Pope one too! And I'm a nice Catholic girl! Ha ha!