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Saturday, February 11, 2012

Saturday Silliness

 
 
THE ITALIAN POKER CLUB
Six retired Italian Floridian fellows were playing poker in the condo clubhouse when Guido loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table.   Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five continue playing, but standing up.
 
At the end of the game, Giovanni looks around and asks, "So, who's gonna' tell his wife?"
They cut the cards. Pasquale picks the low card and has to carry the news.  They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse.
 
"Discreet? I'm the most discreet person you'll ever meet. Discretion is my middle name. Leave it to me!"
 
So, Pasquale goes over to the Guido's condo and knocks on the door.  The wife answers through the door and asks what he wants?
 
Pasquale declares: "Your husband just lost $500 in a poker game and is afraid to come home."
 
"Tell him to drop dead!" yells the wife.
 
"I'll go tell him." says Pasquale .
 
***********************
 
 
 
THE FINAL GEICO COMMERCIAL
 
Now, where can I find that damn duck?
 
 
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Warning:  This last one is a little off-color.  If you are easily offended, you may want to skip it!



John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life,
between the legs of me wife!" 
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night."
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" John said, "Here's to spending
the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."

" Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner.
The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub
with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only
been in there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."

**********
 
Eva

8 comments:

Brian Miller said...

see that warning just makes me want to read...haha....and though i have heard variations on the first it makes me smile every time...

rosaria said...

Too, too!

Adam said...

Poor Gecko

Al Penwasser said...

Amen!

Kelley said...

Hahaha!! Loved that Guido one. It was all her fault! Won't she feel bad now?

River said...

Eva, I laughed so much at both of these!
Love the eagle.

Molly said...

I love the joke... you had me cracking up!

Mollyxxx

Eva Gallant said...

Molly: Glad I could make you laugh!