Saturday, March 31, 2012

Saturday Silliness

Male Sensitivity

The room was full of pregnant women with their husbands. The
instructor said, "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you.
Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles
and will make delivery that much easier. Just pace yourself, make
plenty of stops and try to stay on a soft surface like grass or a
path. Gentlemen, remember -- you're in this together. It wouldn't
hurt you to go walking with her. In fact, that shared experience would
be good for you both."

The room suddenly became very quiet as the men absorbed this
information. After a few moments a man, name unknown, at the back of
the room, slowly raised his hand.

"Yes?" said the Instructor.

"I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carries a golf
bag while we walk?"

Brings a tear to your eye doesn't it? This kind of sensitivity just
can't be taught.
Wishing for the Perfect Man 

A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled on an unusual old lamp.  She picked it up and cleaned it off, and suddenly a Genie appeared.  The amazed woman asked if she was going to receive the usual three wishes.

The Genie said, "Nope. . .due to inflation, constant downsizing, low wages in third-world countries, and fierce global competition, I can only grant you one wish.  So . . . what will it be?"

The woman didn't hesitate.  "I want peace in the Middle East.  See this map?  I want these countries to stop fighting with each other."

The Genie looked at the map and said, "Gadzooks, lady!  These countries have been at war with each other for thousands of years!  I'm good, but I'm not that good!  I don't think it can be done.  Make another wish."

The wonan thought for a moment, then said, "Well, I've never been able to find the right man.  You know, one that's considerate and fun, likes to cook and helps with the housecleaning, is good in bed and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time, and is faithful.  That's what I wish for, a good mate."

The Genie let out a long sigh and said, "Let me see that map."


A man was praying to God.

He said, "God!?"

God responded, "Yes?"

And the guy said, "Can I ask a question?"

"Go right ahead," God said.

"God, what is a million years to you?"

God said, "a million years to me is only a second."

"Hmmm," the man wondered. Then he asked, "God, what is a million dollars' worth
to you?"

God said, "a million dollars to me is as a penny."

So the man said, "God. Can I have a penny?"

And God cheerfully said, "Sure!!.....just a second."


Friday, March 30, 2012

Friday Fiction: Welcome to Singles Night, Chapter 9

 (A word of caution: this fiction series may occasionally stray from a PG-13 rating to an R rating. Proceed at your own risk!)

If you missed chapter 8, click here.   

   Ginger was working on her third beer when a fellow who introduced himself as “Carl” asked her to dance.  She took his hand and followed him onto the dance floor.  They began to “cut a rug,” so to speak, to the beat of Patty and the Sidewinders rendition of Chuck Berry’s “Rock and Roll Music.”  Liz and Sandy were enjoying themselves, and would chime in with “if you want to dance with me” each time that part of the lyrics were repeated. 

          Mark turned up and asked Elizabeth to dance a couple of times, and Sandy managed a dance or two as well.  When they returned to their table, Ginger was polishing off her fourth beer.
          “I wuz looking for you guys,” she said.  “I wanned to let you know, I’m leaving with Carl,” she continued with a meaningful glance toward the man she’d spent most of the evening with as he returned from the men’s room.  He seemed a little unsteady on his feet as he walked toward them; the Colt 45’s he’d been downing had obviously taken their toll.
          “Are you sure that’s a good idea?” asked Sandy.  “He looks like he’s tipsy and I’m not sure what kind of shape you’re in either!”
          “Hey, I’m a big girl, Sandy.  Don’t ‘chu worry 'bout me.  This ishn’t my first rodeo, ya’ know.  And he’s not driving, his frien' Al is.” 
          “I talked with him when you were in the ladies room earlier; he’s doesn’t strike me as the sharpest saw in the woodshed, besides being half in the bag,” warned Liz.
          “We’d really feel better if you’d stay here and go home with us,” explained Sandy.
           Ginger shook her head in disagreement.  “You’re jush sorry you din’t get lucky.  Don’t spoil my fun.”  And with that, she hooked her arm through Carl’s and headed for the door, with Al following behind. 
          “I don’t like this one bit,” Sandy muttered.  “I think I’ve had enough of this place for tonight.”
          “Yeah, me, too,” concurred Elizabeth.  “Let’s head home.  Last dance of the night is only about 10 minutes away, anyhow.”
           As they drove back to town and Pinewoods, the two women debated about what they could have done differently.  Neither was comfortable with what had transpired, but Ginger was an adult, and a stubborn one at that.  She wasn’t interested in their thoughts on the matter.  They were bothered enough by the situation to skip breakfast at HoJo’s, which was pretty much a tradition after Singles Night at Country Connections.  They went straight home, and when Elizabeth pulled her Lumina into her designated parking spot, neither made a move to exit the vehicle.
          “You couldn’t have stopped her, without wrestling her to the floor, most likely,” said Liz.  “Don’t beat yourself up.  She was determined to do what she wanted to do.”
          “I know, but I wish I felt better about it,” mused Sandy as she opened the car door.  You know she’d had too much to drink.  Hope she’ll be okay.”  With that, she walked to her door and stuck the key in the lock.
          “G’night,” called Liz from her doorway.

To go to the next half of chapter 9, click here.

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Maybe It's Just Not My "Nook."

I'm a little frustrated.  I'm trying to publish my books on Barnes and Noble's "Nook," and I'm not having much success.  I went to PubIt and followed the instructions.  That was last Friday.

As of 10:00 p.m. last night, I'm still getting the message that my titles are "processing."

Is this standard procedure?  Has anyone else published on Nook through PubIt?  When published on Amazon, my titles were availabe for sale within 24 hours.  So I don't know if I've done something wrong, or if PubIt just takes longer.

I hope there's someone out there that has used this service and can advise me.  Or have I just not found my "nook?"

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Food for Thought

A dear friend sent this to me on email.  I have no idea who the author was, but I felt a need to share it.














Tuesday, March 27, 2012

A Winner, Finally!!!

I apologize!  Way back before I went on vacation, I held a book giveaway on my blog.  Then I got sick, then left on vacation, and I never announced a winner!  duh!

The book I was giving away is called "Suitable for Giving, A Collection of Wit with a Side of Wry" by Jayne Martin of InJaynesWorld, one of my favorite bloggers!

To refresh your memory, you may want to go back and read my review of this book, here.

For those of you who didn't win, her book is available on here to see and/or buy it!

In the meantime, the lucky winner is Pat of A View From the Edge!  Email me your mailing address, Pat, and I'll send you the book!

Congratulations, Pat, and I apologize for having dropped the ball on this one!  Hope you'll all forgive me!


Monday, March 26, 2012

Looking for Mr. Goodbar

(this is a repost from June of 2009, my first month of blogging.)

Now there's a business opportunity for someone! A match-making agency for retirees. I know of several widows and widowers who might be great candidates, not to mention the divorced men and women out there. It could be done on the internet or face to face; there are certainly growing numbers of that demographic.

The possiblilty for catchy names is wide open: Last Chance Liasons; Seeking Senior Sweethearts; Mature Match-Ups. Yep, the possiblilities are endless. Maybe someone has already jumped on the idea. I know there are many websites like E-Harmony out there, but are any of them specializing in the 55-plus population?

This isn't an area I would venture into personally. I only have a 33% success rate on the match making I've attempted in the past; and I mean theWAY past. Back when I was in my senior year of high school and my freshman year of college, I did set 3 friends up on blind dates. One couple never had a second date; the other two couples married; of those, one couple divorced about 10 years later, and I've lost touch with the third couple, so I don't know if they're still together. (Ray and Lainey, are you out there somewhere?) I guess even my 33% success rate is questionable. I just think there's a market niche out there that may need filling and maybe some lonely souls looking for solace.


Sunday, March 25, 2012

Silent Sunday

My grandnieces and my grandnephew.

Saturday, March 24, 2012

Saturday Silliness

Cabby's Advice

A man returns home a day early from a business trip. It's after
midnight. While en route home he asks the cabby if he would be a
The man suspects his wife is having an affair and he wants to catch
her in the act. For $100, the cabby agrees.

Quietly arriving home, the husband and cabby tip toe into the bedroom.
The husband switches on the lights, yanks the blanket back and there
is his wife in bed with another man!
The husband puts a gun to the naked man's head.
The wife shouts, 'Don't do it! I lied when I told you I inherited money.
HE paid for the Corvette I gave you.
HE paid for our new cabin cruiser.
HE paid for your season Pittsburgh Steelers tickets.
HE paid for our house at the lake.
HE paid for our country club membership, and HE even pays the monthly dues!'

Shaking his head from side-to-side, the husband lowers the gun. He
looks over at the cabby and says, 'What would you do?

The cabby replied, "I'd pull the blankets up and cover his ass before he
catches cold!"

A preacher asked, "Anyone with 'special needs' who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front by the altar."

With that, Tyrone got in line. When it was his turn, the Preacher asked,
"Tyrone, what do you want me to pray about for you?"

Tyrone replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing." The
preacher put one hand on Tyrone's ear, placed his other hand on top of Tyrone's
head, and then prayed and prayed and prayed. He prayed a "blue streak" for
Tyrone, and the whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm.
After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked,
"Tyrone, how is your hearing now?"
Tyrone answered, "I don't know, man. It ain't 'til next week."


An attractive blonde arrived at the casino.  She seemed a little intoxicated and
bet $20,000 on a single roll of the dice.

She said, in a slight Irish brogue, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completly nude."  and with that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice, and yelled,
"Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed, "Yes! Yes! I won,
 I won, I won!"  She hugged each of the dealers, picked up her winnings and her
clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.  Finally, one of them asked, "What
did she roll?"

The other answered, "I don't know--I thought you were watching!"


Not all Irish are drunks, not all blondes are dumb, ..... but all men.....are men!


Redneck Lent
 Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill and
cook a venison steak. But, all of Bubba's neighbors were Catholic...and
since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday.
The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a
problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest. 


The Priest came to visit Bubba, and suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Bubba attended Mass...and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were born a Baptist, and raised a Baptist, but now you are a Catholic."

Bubba's neighbors were greatly relieved, until the first Friday night arrived, and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood. The neighbors called the Priest immediately, and, as he rushed into Bubba's yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.

There stood Bubba, clutching a small bottle of holy water which he
carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanted:"You wuz born a deer, you wuz raised a deer, but now you is a catfish."


Friday, March 23, 2012

Friday Fiction: Welcome To Singles Night Chapter 8

Before I went on vacation, I had started a continuing piece of fiction called Welcome to Country Connections.  I suspended publishing it while I was gone, but here it is back again!

(A word of caution: this fiction series may occasionally stray from a PG-13 rating to an R rating. Proceed at your own risk!)

If you missed Chapter 7, click here.

          Customers began trickling in at first, and then they came in droves.  Woody pitched in and helped Brenda take money and stamp hands to ease the bottleneck at the door.  There was always excitement in the air on Friday nights.  Maybe it was the possibility of “hooking up;” maybe it was the chance of meeting one’s soul-mate; or maybe it was just the knowledge that for most, the following day they could sleep in.  Whatever the case, there was always extra excitement and laughter from the crowd as they streamed into the dance hall full of anticipation.

          Elizabeth, Sandy, and Ginger paid their admission, got their hands stamped, and made a beeline for a table near the middle of the room.  Sitting closer to the dance floor than to the wall increased your chances of dancing, so they immediately staked their claim to the dance floor end of table number 7, by putting their sweaters on the backs of the chairs and setting their drinks in front of their chairs. 

           While Patty and the Sidewinders opened the set with “I Feel the Earth Move,” Sandy made her way the concession stand to get some snacks for them to munch on “to keep up their strength” as Ginger liked to say.  Loaded down with Pretzels, Ripple Chips and cheese dip, she collided with a man in black jeans and a checkered shirt.  Though she managed to hang onto the dip, the bags of Pretzels and Ripple Chips went flying.

          To her dismay, Sandy lost her balance and almost fell to the floor.  The immovable obstacle she’d encountered managed to catch her in his arms before she landed on her dropped snacks and pulverized them.

          “Why don’t you watch where you’re going?” she snapped before she turned and saw the culprit.  He was close to six feet tall, rugged with black curly hair tinged with silver, and big blue eyes.

          “I am so sorry!  Are you alright,” he asked with what appeared to be true concern.  “It’s my fault.    I don’t know where my mind was!”  He released her when he was sure she was steady on her feet.  “Are you sure you’re not hurt? “

           “No, I’m fine, really.  I was kind of snippy because I had my hands full and didn’t want to replace everything if I stepped or fell on it!” 

           “Well, if you decide you need any more snacks or soda tonight, you tell them at the concession stand that Woody says it’s on him.”  And then he continued on his way.  Sandy turned and watched his back as he moved across the room, then returned to her table where Elizabeth and Ginger were waiting. 

          “What was that about?” asked Ginger, having witnessed the near-catastrophe.  “Are you trying to put a move on the owner of this place tonight, or what?”

          “What do you mean?”  Sandy inquired, answering her friend’s question with another. 

            “That was Woody Blackstone, the owner of this joint,” Ginger answered.  “He’s been single for quite a while, and more than one of the women here has made an unsuccessful run on him.  Just thought I’d let you know that you may be headed down a dead end highway.”

          “I’m not ‘headed’ anywhere.  I was just trying to bring our munchies back to the table and he almost ran over me! “

          “You, girl, have all the luck!  What a hunk.  He can run over me anytime, as long as he lingers on top of me a little while,” exclaimed Ginger.

          At this, the three women burst out laughing. 

          “You’re incorrigible, Ginger,” chuckled Sandy.  But she turned and looked for Woody Blackstone in the crowd.
(To be continued.)


Thursday, March 22, 2012

Red Sox Spring Training

While on vacation, we managed to catch a Red Sox Spring Training game in Fort Myers, Florida.  It was my first professional baseball game, and I was quite excited.  I enjoy baseball ALMOST as much as I enjoy basketball. 

The Red Sox do their Spring Training at JetBlue Park, a brand new facility they just opened this year in Fort Myers.  I loved the park because it wasn't as big as places like Fenway and Yakee Stadium.  You can feel much more a part of the game in the smaller facility.  We had seats in the 10 row behind first base, so we had a great view of everything.

It was fun to cheer with the crowd, sing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" and "Sweet Caroline" during the 7th Inning Stretch.  That's something you don't see when you're watching from your living room at home.  But guess what?  At the park you don't see the close ups and the replays; you don't get to sit in your recliner and munch cheap snacks!  (Bottled water was selling for $3.25 a bottle; I shudder to think how much they'd want for a hot dog or a beer!)

I thought I'd share a few of the photos I took while there!

It was only the team's third game in the park.  We got to see them beat the Baltimore Orioles 5-4!


Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Like My Blog? Buy the Book!

I've done it again! I published another book on Kindle. This time, I selected around 75 of my favorite blog posts, out of the 1010 that I have written, and put them in a book I'm calling "The Best of Wrestling With Retirement." Included is my very first post, written in June of 2009.

I'm hoping my readers will enjoy the opportunity to read some posts they may have missed if they became followers after June of 2009. I really feel that some of my best work is included in the collection, and am excited to have the collection available for those readers who enjoy my weird sense of humor.

To take a peek inside this new publication of mine, click here. You'll be glad to know I've included such posts as "The End of A Musical Career," (How I learned I was musically challenged) "My Restroom Rant," (My complaint about public restrooms), "Adventures in Adult Education" (How I
handled the lobstermen and clam diggers' attempts to embarrass me)  and "The Pleasure Hunt" (My search for the G-Spot!) and many more.

To check out the rest of the books I've published on Kindle, click here.

Don't have a Kindle?  Microsoft has a FREE application that will allow you to download Kindle books to your PC.   Learn more about that here!

Can you tell I'd love for you to buy my books, and tell your friends about them?  There's a reason for this.

My youngest son (pictured on my Silent Sunday post) has announced that he and his girlfriend are now engaged and will be having a "destination wedding" in Jamaica in May of 2013!  I need to reserve plane tickets and hotel for this event....which is not a cheap item.  Just think, buy a book or two and you'll be helping Mr. Eva and I attend the wedding!

Thanks in advance!!!!


Monday, March 19, 2012

Old Lady Moving

(This is a repeat post....I've been busy working on a book.)

Old Lady Moving

When I stare at my bare reflection,

I observe more than one objection.

Time and the table have not been kind

To either me or my behind!

Where I should have "six pack" abs,

I have a serious case of the "flabs;"

And my all too visible obliques

Are not what you'd really call "sleek."

My biceps have no strength

And my triceps have too much length!

And then there's my Gluteus Maximus--

"Junk in my trunk" the size of a minibus!

I dragged myself to the gym

In hopes that I might get slim.

I know I should get fit,

Even though I'd rather sit.

I signed up for a class

I hope will trim my ass.

They call it "Silver Sneakers,"

And it's just for us old 'creakers."

The graying and the bald

All come, like we've been called,

To stretch and strain and sweat

Our way to a slight silhouette.

The Goddess of Pain issues commands

Involving these taut rubber bands;

If we want to be rid of the flabs,

We must suck in our abs!

She is so lithe and svelte,

We believe our fat will melt.

We hang on her every word

Like lemmings in a herd!

There is not one among us

Who'll be Venus or Adonis,

But we just might succeed in

Improving on our breathing.

All of that gyration

Will increase the circulation;

And ramping up the heart rate

Just might delay our death date!

An original poem by Eva Gallant

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Silent Sunday

I'm tired of the restaurant reviews and have decided to go with Silent Sunday for a while.  Above are photos from my son's trip to Hawaii.  The last one is of him and his new fiance sitting on the beach.


Monday, March 12, 2012

Random Observations on the Road

We don't allow billboard signs in Maine, so I'm always fascinated by the ones I see in other states:




followed by





(I have a sneaky suspicion there maybe some happy endings for truckers at that spa!)



(that one may have caused me to throw up in my mouth a little.)


I had no idea of all the entertainment we were missing in Maine, thanks to the anti-billboard law!


Sunday, March 11, 2012

Sundays In This Neck of the Woods

Buca di Beppo Italian Restaurant is located at 3612 Tudor Boulevard in Austin, Texas.  While we were visiting family in Austin last week, we had the opportunity to have dinner at this interesting place!

The red and white checkered table cloths, and the rest of the decor all add to the cozy atmosphere.

The ceiling was an entertaining collage of photos ranging from Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin to photos of Italian landscapes.

I liked the black and white photo of a bride at the foot of the church steps on one wall....

 Photos and statues everywhere made for interesting browsing.

I feel like my photos don't really do the place justice.  It was fascinating!

Then there was the food!  First a basket of fresh cheesy Italian bread with oil of dipping!

Mr. Eva and I shared Penne Arrabbiata which was a delicious combination of spicy Italian sausage and crushed red pepper in a zesty marinara sauce with imported Italian penne pasta and ricotta and mozzarella cheeses.

 Matt and Angie shared the Ravioli al Pomodoro. which was ravioli stuffed with four kinds of cheese and served in marinara sauce.

Rosabelle chowed down on spaghetti and meatballs!

All entrees were fantastic and I can understand why this is Matt and Angie's favorite restaurant!  Check out the Buca di Beppo website to learn more by clicking on the link.

(I was not compensated for this review; we paid for our dinners.)


Wednesday, March 7, 2012

More Random Thoughts on the Road

I have a complaint for the Florida Department of Tourism.  On our way to Key West, Florida, we drove over a section of Interstate 75 called "Alligator Alley;"  I kid you not; that's the way it's labelled on the road map.

I was excited.  I had my camera ready.  For over 100 miles I had my camera ready!  I did not see one alligator; not one slimy tail, not one bulging eyeball, not one huge jaw.  Okay, I admit that I may have seen evidence that alligators had been there.  Huge, hungry, ferocious alligators.  Alligators huge, hungry, and ferocious enough to gobble up entire vehicles and spit out their shredded tires.   There were slabs of shredded rubber strewn about on the highway.  My theory is the alligators ate the vehicles, but had no use for the rubber....not wanting to hinder their reproductive capabilities.

Also, I saw several instances where innocent pedestrians had been gobbled up as well, and crosses with flowers on them had been placed at the site of the snacking in memory of the late lunchee. 

Yes I saw all of the evidence, but no actual alligators.  This amounts to a misrepresentation.  That section of Interstate 75 between Tampa and Homestead (I hope I have the names of the cities correctly; I'm writing this at 10:30 p.m. and my brain is sooooooooo tired!) that section of highway should not be called Alligator Alley; it should be called Gator Gone

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

More Random Thoughts While on the Road

Part of the reason for this trip is to visit our granddaughter Rosabelle.  She is three years and three months old and smart as a whip.  She lives in Dallas, Texas, way too far away.  Needless to say, Papa Joe is pretty proud of her!


As we were driving along, we came up on a vehicle that had a license plate that said,

  Classy.   I wondered what other notable qualities the driver had beside what his license plate proclaimed.


Then there was a place called "Fat Clemenza's."  I'm not sure what type of business it was, but it happened to be right across the street from a Gold's Gym.  I couldn't help but think that Clemenza might benefit from networking with her neighbors.


Is it bad that when I see a billboard that proclaims:  "Now hiring all positions" I wonder if there are more applicants for the missionary or doggie-style?


Did you know there are 9 LaQuinta Hotels in Dallas?  And they all look alike.


Well, tomorrow we're headed to Fort Myers, FL, and hope to take in a Red Sox spring training game.  I'm sad that Veritek retired.....he will be missed;  as will Tito.  I wonder who Pedroia will play cribbage with now?


Sunday, March 4, 2012

Sundays inThis Neck of the Woods

Whenever Mr. Eva and I travel, we bring Guy Fieri's books "Diners, Drive Ins, and Dives" with us, and when we stop for a meal, we check to see if Guy has recommended any place nearby.  Last year, we ate at Tom's BBQ in Memphis.  (Click the link to revisit Tom's)  This time in Memphis, we ate at Uncle Lou's Famous BBQ Chicken and Burgers.  This gem was listed in Guy's second book, "More Diners, Drive In's and Dives."

It's a pretty informal place.  You walk up to the counter and place your order, then they bring it to your table.  There were about a dozen tables, so it's not a huge place, but it's very friendly, and there were lots of choices available. 

We had the pleasure of meeting Uncle Lou himself, a bubbly, gregarious man who was delighted to know we had come from Maine to pay him a visit.  He signed my copy of Guy's book on the page where his eatery is reviewed.  He was so fun and friendly, I just wanted to hug him!

We were starving and everything smelled so wonderful that when we got our food, we started eating before I remembered to take photographs.  Mr. Eva here is hiding the fact that he had already scarfed down half of his BBQ bologna sandwich.  The meat is seasoned with a dry rub and is absolutely delicious!

I went for the fried BBQ chicken, with biscuit and onion rings.  (I too, had already started to eat... you'll notice a bite missing from the biscuit, which I tried to use to hide the bare drumstick I had munched on.  Uncle Lou fries the chicken and then puts a wonderful sauce on it, called Sweet, Spicy, Love!  And that's just what it is.  I absolutely loved it.  It was spicy hot, but I ordered the mild, so it wasn't extra spicy.  (I've found I can't take hot, hot food any of the sad things about growing older!

As we left Uncle Lou's behind, we did stop to admire the trailer in the parking lot with his picture with Guy Fieri.  Click here to visit his website.   If you are ever in Memphis, pay him a visit!  Your taste buds will be happy!