Followers

Saturday, March 24, 2012

Saturday Silliness

Cabby's Advice

A man returns home a day early from a business trip. It's after
midnight. While en route home he asks the cabby if he would be a
witness.
The man suspects his wife is having an affair and he wants to catch
her in the act. For $100, the cabby agrees.

Quietly arriving home, the husband and cabby tip toe into the bedroom.
The husband switches on the lights, yanks the blanket back and there
is his wife in bed with another man!
The husband puts a gun to the naked man's head.
The wife shouts, 'Don't do it! I lied when I told you I inherited money.
HE paid for the Corvette I gave you.
HE paid for our new cabin cruiser.
HE paid for your season Pittsburgh Steelers tickets.
HE paid for our house at the lake.
HE paid for our country club membership, and HE even pays the monthly dues!'

Shaking his head from side-to-side, the husband lowers the gun. He
looks over at the cabby and says, 'What would you do?

The cabby replied, "I'd pull the blankets up and cover his ass before he
catches cold!"
*************************



A preacher asked, "Anyone with 'special needs' who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front by the altar."

With that, Tyrone got in line. When it was his turn, the Preacher asked,
"Tyrone, what do you want me to pray about for you?"

Tyrone replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing." The
preacher put one hand on Tyrone's ear, placed his other hand on top of Tyrone's
head, and then prayed and prayed and prayed. He prayed a "blue streak" for
Tyrone, and the whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm.
 
After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked,
"Tyrone, how is your hearing now?"
 
Tyrone answered, "I don't know, man. It ain't 'til next week."


**************************


An attractive blonde arrived at the casino.  She seemed a little intoxicated and
bet $20,000 on a single roll of the dice.

She said, in a slight Irish brogue, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completly nude."  and with that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice, and yelled,
"Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed, "Yes! Yes! I won,
 I won, I won!"  She hugged each of the dealers, picked up her winnings and her
clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.  Finally, one of them asked, "What
did she roll?"

The other answered, "I don't know--I thought you were watching!"

THE MORAL OF THE STORY

Not all Irish are drunks, not all blondes are dumb, ..... but all men.....are men!

***********************


Redneck Lent
 Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill and
cook a venison steak. But, all of Bubba's neighbors were Catholic...and
since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday.
The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a
problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest. 

 

The Priest came to visit Bubba, and suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Bubba attended Mass...and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were born a Baptist, and raised a Baptist, but now you are a Catholic."

Bubba's neighbors were greatly relieved, until the first Friday night arrived, and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood. The neighbors called the Priest immediately, and, as he rushed into Bubba's yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.

There stood Bubba, clutching a small bottle of holy water which he
carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanted:"You wuz born a deer, you wuz raised a deer, but now you is a catfish."

*************
EVA

13 comments:

tattytiara said...

Ah bless ya. You're always good for a laugh, Eva, and in my books that's as good as a person gets!

Vodka Logic said...

Great humor as usual.. thank you xx

Charlotte said...

I loved them. Don't know which one I laughed the hardest at.

River said...

The clever blonde was good, but Bubba beats her by a mile. Several miles in fact!

Brian Miller said...

chuckling this morning...the hearing one struck me as humorous as i know someone i can use that with....have a great saturday eva

Terri Sonoda said...

OMG the Bubba joke had me rolling. LOVE it. I have to send that one to a very Catholic friend back east. Hope you're having a good weekend, my friend! huggss

Sue said...

These are good ones, as always.

Couldn't even pick a favorite!

=)

joeh said...

Good ones!

Cranky Old Man

ipenka said...

Funny! Wish I could use the "blonde" trick, going to Vegas in two months for a guys night out trip with my cousins.

Eva Gallant said...

Terri: Having a good weekend; hope you are, too.

Ipenka: I say go for it! It just might work! lol

Steadfast Ahoy! said...

The deer and the catfish! Love it!!!
Rosemary

Frankie Dawson said...

Ha, great post and loving the jokes, you really cheered up my Monday morning!

Eva Gallant said...

Frankie: Glad I could make you smile!