Saturday, March 31, 2012

Saturday Silliness

Male Sensitivity

The room was full of pregnant women with their husbands. The
instructor said, "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you.
Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles
and will make delivery that much easier. Just pace yourself, make
plenty of stops and try to stay on a soft surface like grass or a
path. Gentlemen, remember -- you're in this together. It wouldn't
hurt you to go walking with her. In fact, that shared experience would
be good for you both."

The room suddenly became very quiet as the men absorbed this
information. After a few moments a man, name unknown, at the back of
the room, slowly raised his hand.

"Yes?" said the Instructor.

"I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carries a golf
bag while we walk?"

Brings a tear to your eye doesn't it? This kind of sensitivity just
can't be taught.
Wishing for the Perfect Man 

A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled on an unusual old lamp.  She picked it up and cleaned it off, and suddenly a Genie appeared.  The amazed woman asked if she was going to receive the usual three wishes.

The Genie said, "Nope. . .due to inflation, constant downsizing, low wages in third-world countries, and fierce global competition, I can only grant you one wish.  So . . . what will it be?"

The woman didn't hesitate.  "I want peace in the Middle East.  See this map?  I want these countries to stop fighting with each other."

The Genie looked at the map and said, "Gadzooks, lady!  These countries have been at war with each other for thousands of years!  I'm good, but I'm not that good!  I don't think it can be done.  Make another wish."

The wonan thought for a moment, then said, "Well, I've never been able to find the right man.  You know, one that's considerate and fun, likes to cook and helps with the housecleaning, is good in bed and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time, and is faithful.  That's what I wish for, a good mate."

The Genie let out a long sigh and said, "Let me see that map."


A man was praying to God.

He said, "God!?"

God responded, "Yes?"

And the guy said, "Can I ask a question?"

"Go right ahead," God said.

"God, what is a million years to you?"

God said, "a million years to me is only a second."

"Hmmm," the man wondered. Then he asked, "God, what is a million dollars' worth
to you?"

God said, "a million dollars to me is as a penny."

So the man said, "God. Can I have a penny?"

And God cheerfully said, "Sure!!.....just a second."



Jen said...

Hey, good start for Saturday...Funny. I especially like the one with "Bubbles"!

Abby said...

I love these and look forward to your Saturday Silliness every week ;)

Brian Miller said...

well i mean she might as well be useful you know...(as he runs out of the room)...nah you know i am not like that...smiles...happy saturday eva

Terri Sonoda said...

LOLOL! Love the God one! "just a second" snort...LMAO

Adam said...

ahaa I like the penny one

rosaria williams said...

O.k. the weekend is officially on! Love them all, Eva.

tattytiara said...

Thanks for the laughs as always, Eva. Love ya, Doll!

Vodka Logic said...

God does have a sense of humor!!

River said...

Oh my Goodness! God and the million dollars explains why I haven't yet won the lottery. I ask him every time I buy a ticket, but just don't hear him when he says just a second....

I nearly spit my water when I read about Bubbles!

Eva Gallant said...

Jen: thanks!

Abby: Aww...that's nice to read!

Terri: Glad I made you laugh!

Adam: I thought it was a good one, too.