Saturday, April 14, 2012

Saturday Silliness

 redneck smoke alarm

You never have to change the batteries!!!
I'm putting one in every room! Safety First!

You don't have to thank me for this information....

I do this as a public service.


Ole's car was hit by a truck in an accident. In court, the trucking company's lawyer was questioning Ole.
'Didn't you say, sir, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?' asked the lawyer.

Ole responded, 'Vell, I'll tell you vat happened. I had yust loaded my favorite mule, Bessie, into da......'

'I didn't ask for any details', the lawyer interrupted. 'Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine'?

Ole said, 'Vell, I had yust got Bessie into da trailer and I vas driving down da road.....

The lawyer interrupted again and said, 'Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.'

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Ole's answer and said to the lawyer, 'I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule, Bessie'.

Ole thanked the Judge and proceeded. 'Vell, as I vas saying, I had yust loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into da trailer and vas driving her down da highvay ven dis huge semi-truck and trailer ran da stop sign and smacked my truck right in da side. I vas trown into one ditch and Bessie vas trown into da other. I vas hurting real bad and didn't vant to move. However, I could hear Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape yust by her groans'. 'Shortly after da accident da Highway Patrolman, he came to da scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he vent over to her'.

'After he looked at her and saw her fatal condition he took out his gun and shot Bessie right 'tween da eyes.

Den da Patrolman, he came across da road, gun still smoking, looked at me and said, 'How are you feeling?'

Now tell me, vat vould YOU have said?

    Blonde goes to the store to buy curtains.

She says to the salesman, 'I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains.

'The salesman shows her several patterns then he asks her what size curtains do you need?'

The blonde promptly replies, 'Seventeen inches.'

''Seventeen inches?' asked the salesman. 'That sounds very small, what room are they for!?'

The blonde says, 'they aren't for a room, they are for my new computer monitor.'

The surprised salesman replies, 'But Miss, computers do not need curtains!

'The blonde says: 'Helloooooo .... mine has Windows.....!!

The bride came down the aisle and when she reached the altar, the groom was
standing there with his golf bag and clubs at his side.

She said:" What are your golf clubs doing here"?

He looked her right in the eye and said, "This isn't going to take all day, is it?"



Stephen Hayes said...

They all made me laugh. And now I know what to do with that dusty Jiffy Pop in the back of my pantry.

tattytiara said...

Love that Jiffy Pop SO much. Brilliant.

River said...

Oh Dear God! The blonde with the pink curatins had me shaking my head in disbelief.

As for that groom, the bride should have shoved his nine iron you know where.

River said...

Curtains!! I meant curtains!

Brian Miller said...

haha that smoke alarm is awesome....

Terri Sonoda said...

Morning Eva. I just read through all the funnies. Love them all. BUT I'm still chuckling about the "I am fine." OMG, LOVED it.

Sue said...

I'll be purchasing my Jiffy Pop today...


rosaria williams said...

I can't choose, but if I had to, I'd pick to one about the traffic accident.

ipenka said...

What? It DOESN'T take all day does it?

Now I know why so many golf courses also have banquet halls!

Eva Gallant said...

Terri: Love that I can't make you laugh!

Ipenka: You may be on to something there!

Eva Gallant said...

Terri: Love that I can't make you laugh!

Ipenka: You may be on to something there!

injaynesworld said...

The Jiffy Pop smoke alarm is just insanely funny!

Pat said...

That Jiffy Pop one is hilarious!