Saturday, May 5, 2012

Saturday Silliness

Apology letter -

Hi Sweetheart,

I am sorry about getting into an argument about putting up the Christmas lights.

I guess that sometimes I feel like you are pushing me too hard when you want something.

I realize that I was wrong and I am apologizing for being such a hard-headed guy.

All I want is for you to be happy and be able to enjoy the holiday season.

Nothing brightens the Christmas spirit like Christmas lights!

I took the time to hang the lights for you today and now I will be off to the hockey rink.

Again, I am very sorry for the way I acted yesterday.

I'll be home later.

Love you……;

Her response - Hi Honey,
Thank you for that heart-felt apology. I don't often get an apology from you, and I truly appreciate it.
I, too, felt bad about the argument and wanted to apologize. I realize that I can sometimes be a little pushy. I will try to respect your feelings from now on. Thank you for taking the time to hang the Christmas lights for me. It really means a lot. In the spirit of giving, I washed your truck for you and now I am off to the mall. I love you too!

A Sunday school teacher was testing the children in her class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven.  She asked, "If I sold my house and my car and everything I own in a big garage sale and gave all the money to the church, would that get me into heaven?"
"No," the children answered.
"If I cleaned the church everyday, kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into heaven?"
Again, the answer was "No."
Now she was beginning to smile, thinking this was fun.  "If I was kind to animals, gave all the children candy, and loved my husband, would that get me into heaven?"
Once again the all answered, "NO!"
Bursting with pride for them, she continued, "Well, then, how can I get into heaven?"
A five-year-old boy shouted, "YOU GOTTA' BE DEAD!"

Southern Etiquette
Two informally dressed ladies happened to start up a conversation during an endless wait in the LAX airport.The first lady was an arrogant California woman married to a wealthy man. The second was a well mannered elderly woman from the South. 
When the conversation centered on whether they had any children, the California woman started by saying, "When my first child was born, my husband built a beautiful mansion for me."
The lady from the South commented, "Well, bless your heart."
The first woman continued, "When my second child was born, my husband bought me a beautiful Mercedes-Benz..
Again, the lady from the South commented, "Well, bless your heart."
The first woman continued boasting, "Then, when my third child was born, my husband bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet.
Yet again, the Southern lady commented, "Well, bless your heart."
The first woman then asked her companion, "What did your husband buy for you when you had your first child?"
"My husband sent me to charm school," declared the Southern lady.
"Charm school?" the first woman cried, "Oh, my God! What on earth for?"
The Southern lady responded, "Well for example, instead of saying, "Who gives a shit?" I learned to say, "Well, bless your heart."
Children's Logic:

"Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher.

The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant."

The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant
means?" she asked.

"Sure," said the young boy confidently. 'It means carrying a child."  
Happy Cinco de Mayo!


Stephen Hayes said...

You gotta be dead! Love it!

River said...

My jaw dropped open when I saw the truck in the pool, then I laughed at the Gotta be dead comment and the pussy joke.

SHARM said...

Hi Thank you for visiting my blog and leaving a lovely comment... I do love your jokes... the truck in the pool was really cool...

^.^ said...

Lovely ... you made my day, Eva. Thank you. Always, cat.

Brian Miller said...

ha that last pic made me lol...whew thank goodness i dont have a truck either...but i hate putting up christmas lights...

Al Penwasser said...

Hey, he can brag to the fellas that he has a car pool.
Yeah, I know.

jenny said...

Once again....hooray for Saturday!

Sue said...

Every single one of these was great!


Terri Sonoda said...

I love your Saturday Silliness sooo much. That first one with the Christmas lights and p/u truck was priceless. And the last one, with the cat....well, there are no words. LMAO