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Saturday, June 2, 2012

Saturday Silliness


Italian Pregnancy
An 18 year old Italian girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months.. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit.
The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.
Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says,
'Who wasa the pig that did this to you? I want to know!'
The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.
Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house.
A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of a Ferrari and enters the house.
He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them:
'Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem’.
I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge.
I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life.
Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, 2 retail stores, a townhouse,
a beach-front villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account..
If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account.
If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each..
However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?'
At this point, the father, who had remained silent holding a shotgun, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder, looks him directly in the eyes and tells him
 
"Youa gonna try again!"
 
 
**************************
 
 
Quoting the Scripture
 
A new paster was visiting in the homes of his parishioners.  At one house,
it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated
knocks at the door.
 
He took out a business card and wrote, "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and
stuck it in the door.
 
When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned.  Added to it was this cryptic message,  "Genesis 3:10.

Reaching for his Bible, he checked the citation and burst into gales of laughter.

Revalation 3:20 begins, "Behold, I stand at the door and knock,".  Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden, but I was afraid, for I was naked."


****************************




George and Harriet decided to celebrate their 55th Wedding Anniversary with a trip to Las Vegas. When they entered the MGM Hotel/Casino and registered, a sweet young woman dressed in a very short skirt became very friendly. George brushed her off.

Harriet objected, "George, that young woman was nice, and you were so rude."

"Harriet, she's a prostitute."

"I don't believe you. That sweet young thing?"

"Let's go up to our room and I'll prove it."

In their room, George called down to the desk and asked for 'Bambi' to come to Room 217. "Now," he said, "you hide in the bathroom with the door open just enough to hear us, OK?"

Soon, there was a knock on the door. George opened it and Bambi walked in, swinging her hips provocatively.



 George asked, "How much do you charge?"

"$125 basic rate, $100 tips for special services."

Even George was taken aback. "$125? I was thinking more in the range of $25."

Bambi laughed derisively. "You must really be a hick if you think you can buy sex for that price."

"Well," said George, "I guess we can't do business. Goodbye."

After she left, Harriet came out of the bathroom. She said, "I just can't believe it!"

George said, "Let's forget it.
We'll go have a drink, then eat dinner."

At the bar, as they sipped their cocktails,
Bambi came up behind George,
pointed slyly at Harriet, and said,

"See what you get for $25?"

*********************
EVA

14 comments:

Greg Scott's Compendium of The Weird and wonderful said...

Hilarious!

Leah aka FFPMaMMa said...

Oh my... I was smiling through each joke and then I got to the last one and you lost me. Out loud laughing. Thanks. I needed that!

River said...

hahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

Brian Miller said...

haha you gonna try again...amazing how our perspective changes a bit eh? smiles...happy saturday ma'am

Selena and Anna said...

Those were so great!! Fun way to start the day. Visiting via the SITS sharefest :)

mel said...

Oh I love the first one!
Lol that's amazing. Thanks for sharing. Visiting from Sits - have a great Saturday!

Muffy's Marks said...

I can't decide which one I liked the
best, they're all great jokes. Have a wonderful weekend.

Terri Sonoda said...

Ha! LMAO! That first one had me rolling. Good stuff Eva!

Pearl said...

All excellent jokes!

Pearl

Sue said...

hahaha

=D

Joann Mannix said...

Ohhh, I especially loved that last one!

I'm terrible at remembering jokes, but I have 2 parties to go to tonight and I'm going to try my best to remember these. Thanks for sharing!

Charlotte said...

Not sure which I liked the best. They all 3 gave me a laugh. Thanks.

ipenka said...

Not religious but definitely found the "quoting scriptures" one funny.

Pat said...

These are all great ones!