Saturday Silliness

The Blonde Pilot

This is the story of the poor dizzy blonde flying in a two-seater  airplane with just the pilot. He has a heart attack and dies. She,  frantic, calls out a May Day. "May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me! My pilot had a heart attack and is dead, and I don't know how to fly. Help me! Please help me!" She hears a voice over the radio saying: "This is Air Traffic Control and I have you loud and clear. I will talk  you through this and get you back on the ground. I've had a lot of  experience with this kind of problem. 'Now, just take a deep breath. Everything will be fine! Now give me your height and position." She says, "I'm 5'4" and I'm in the front seat." (Pause) "O.K." says the voice on the radio.... "Repeat after me: Our Father. . Who art in Heaven. . . ."   **********************   A father asked his 10-year son if he knew about the birds and the bees.   "I don't want to know," the child said, bursting into tears.  "Promise you won't tell me!"   Confused, the father asked what was wrong.   The boy sobbed, "When I was six, I got the 'there's no Easter Bunny' speech. At seven, I got the 'there's no Tooth Fairy' speech.   When I was eight, you hit me with the 'there's no Santa Clause' speech.  If you're going to tell me that grown-ups don't really get laid, I'll have nothing to live for!"

*****************       As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know what Martha?" "What dear?" she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth. "I'm beginning to think you're bad luck."   ********************* I was at the Senior Center today and failed a Health and Safety course that was put on for us old fogies .. One of the questions was: "In the event of a fire, what steps would you take?" "F##kin' big ones" was apparently the wrong answer..... ************************* EVA