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Saturday, June 9, 2012

Saturday Silliness

The Blonde Pilot

This is the story of the poor dizzy blonde flying in a two-seater
 airplane with just the pilot. He has a heart attack and dies. She,
 frantic, calls out a May Day.

"May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me! My pilot had a heart attack
and is dead, and I don't know how to fly. Help me! Please help me!"

She hears a voice over the radio saying:
"This is Air Traffic Control and I have you loud and clear. I will talk
 you through this and get you back on the ground. I've had a lot of
 experience with this kind of problem.
'Now, just take a deep breath. Everything will be fine! Now give me
your height and position."

She says
, "I'm 5'4" and I'm in the front seat."
(Pause)
"O.K." says the voice on the radio....
"Repeat after me:
Our Father. . Who art in Heaven. . . ."
 
**********************
 
A father asked his 10-year son if he knew about the birds and the bees.
 
"I don't want to know," the child said, bursting into tears.  "Promise you won't
tell me!"
 
Confused, the father asked what was wrong.
 
The boy sobbed, "When I was six, I got the 'there's no Easter Bunny' speech.
At seven, I got the 'there's no Tooth Fairy' speech.   When I was eight, you hit
me with the 'there's no Santa Clause' speech.  If you're going to tell me that grown-ups
don't really get laid, I'll have nothing to live for!"
 
*****************
 
 
 
As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears,
"You know what?
You have been with me all through the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me.
When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side.
When we lost the house, you stayed right here.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side...

You know what Martha?"

"What dear?" she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

"I'm beginning to think you're bad luck."
 
*********************

I was at the Senior Center today and failed a Health and Safety course that
was put on for us old fogies ..
One of the questions was: "In the event of a fire, what steps would you
take?"
"F##kin' big ones" was apparently the wrong answer.....
*************************
EVA

15 comments:

Stephen Hayes said...

I think f*+%ing big steps IS the right answer!

Joanna Jenkins said...

Hahahahahaha! The blonde joke is a hoot. I haven't heard that one before but I will definitely be repeating it. Thanks.
xo jj

Charlotte said...

Again you are contributing to my health. I got 3 good laughs.

River said...

Heck, I'd be taking effing big steps too. Of course I'd also probably be shouting the door's this way! Follow me!

Terri Sonoda said...

Haaaaaaa! Loved that last one! Exact same answer I'd give if asked that question. Hilarious! Have a great weekend, my friend.
T

She Writes Here Now said...

O MY GOSH!!!!!!!!!!! That first one had me laughing out loud. And then the roll just kept on. You are on a roll over here, Eva! Thank you!

Sue said...

Loved #1 and #3 best!

=)

Brian Miller said...

haha i would have given you credit for the big steps...haha...and love the air traffic controller praying with her...smiles.

Stacey said...

Ha! Thanks for the laugh.

Reeni said...

Bwahahahahaa! Thanks for brightening up my Saturday!

Kimberly said...

I really really needed this today.
Love the little boy one the best. My son is a little smart ass too.
xo

doseofreality said...

Absolutely cracking up at all of these! So funny and perfect read for this morning! Thank you and thank you for visiting my blog yesterday! :)

Pat said...

Love the blond joke!

Hilary said...

Oh these are a hoot. Just the perfect way to end my day. Thanks for that. And thanks for your visit to my blog, today. :)

Blond Duck said...

Popped in from SITS! My dad is going to love the blond joke (esp b/c I'm blond!)