Saturday, June 16, 2012

Saturday Silliness


"How long have you been driving without a tail light?" asked the policeman after pulling over a motorist.  The driver jumped out, ran to the rear of his car, and gave a long, painful groan.
He seemed so upset that the cop was moved to ease up on him a bit.  "Come on, now, " he said, "you don't have to take it so hard.  It isn't that serious."
"It isn't?" cried the motorist.  "Then you know what happened to my boat and trailer?"



The only cow in a small town in Ireland stopped giving milk.
The town folk found they could buy a cow in Scotland cheaply.
So, they brought the cow over from Scotland .
It was absolutely wonderful,
producing lots of milk every day and everyone was happy.

They bought a bull to mate with the cow to get more cows,
so they'd never have to worry about their milk supply again.
They put the bull in the pasture with the cow but
whenever the bull tried to mount the cow,
the cow would move away.
No matter what approach the bull tried,
the cow would move away from the bull,
and he was never able to do the deed.

The people were very upset and decided to go to
the Vet, who was very wise, tell him what was happening and
ask his advice.
"Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away.

If he approaches from the back, she moves forward.
When he approaches her from the front, she backs off.
If he attempts it from the one side, she walks away to the other side."

The Vet rubbed his chin thoughtfully and pondered this
before asking,

"Did you, by chance, buy this cow in Scotland ?"

The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned
that they had brought the cow over from Scotland .

"You are truly a wise Vet," they said.
"How did you know we got the cow from Scotland ?

The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye:

"My wife is from Scotland "


How many wome with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. ONE!  And do you know WHY it only takes ONE?  Because no one else in this f*#king house knows HOW to change a f*#king lightbulb! They don't even know the bulb is burned out.  They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out.  And once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs, despite the fracth that they've been in the same f*#king cupboard for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS!

But if they did by some miracle find the light bulbs, two f*#king days later the chair they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT! ! ! And underneath it would be the crumpled wrapper the stupid light bulb came in.  WHY??  Because no one in this housse ever carries out the garbage!  IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET  DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE.  THE HOUSE!!  IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS ..................................




Joanna Jenkins said...

You have me laughing again, Eva. Thanks.
xo jj

Sue said...

Especially liked the second one about Scotland...


Charlotte said...

So now we know how the Scottish cows and women are.
So I'll just always say that I just had a hot bath.

River said...

Love the lightbulb one!!
And I think I'd like a t-shirt with that message on it.

Brian Miller said...

my wife is from scotland...bwahaha...ahen, just what does he mean...

rosaria williams said...

The cow got me!

Dawn @Lighten Up! said...

Well, I was on my way to take a nice, long, hot bath, but no more! Thanks a LOT, Eva! lol
Have a great weekend, my friend!!

Stephen Hayes said...

These were all good and made me laugh. Those poor Scots just can't catch a break when it comes to jokes. Funny though.

Kellie @ Delightfully Ludicrous said...

LOL! Thanks for the giggle!

Pat said...

The PMS joke is f*cking hysterical!

The Scottish cow joke is a riot; I will forward it to my Scottish friend!