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Saturday, June 30, 2012

Saturday Silliness


*******************************
Kyle died.

His will provided $40,000 for an elaborate funeral.

As the last guests departed the affair, his wife Sharon turned to her oldest and dearest friend. 'Well, I'm sure Jim would be pleased,' she said.

'I'm sure you're right,' replied Brenda, who lowered her voice and leaned in close. 'How much did this really cost?'

'All of it,' said Sharon . 'Forty thousand.'

'No!' Brenda exclaimed. 'I mean, it was very nice, but $40,000?'

Sharon answered, 'The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to church. The whiskey, wine and snacks were another $500. The rest went for the Memorial Stone.'
Brenda computed quickly. '$32,500 for a Memorial Stone? How big is it?
Sharon held out her hand:


***********************
A conversation in heaven

SYLVIA:
Hi! Wanda.

WANDA:
Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die?


SYLVIA:
I froze to death.


WANDA:
How horrible!


SYLVIA:
It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from

the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy,
and finally died a peaceful death.
What about you?

WANDA:
I died of a massive heart attack.

I suspected that my husband was cheating,
so I came home early to catch him in the act.
But instead, I found him all by himself

in the den watching TV.

SYLVIA:
So, what happened?


WANDA:
I was so sure there was another woman
there somewhere that I started running

all over the house looking. I ran up into
the attic and searched, and down into the
basement. Then I went through every closet
and checked under all the beds. I kept this up
until I had looked everywhere, and finally
I became so exhausted that I just keeled over
with a heart attack and died.

SYLVIA:
Too bad you didn't look in the freezer

---we'd both still be alive
****************************************

*****************

Update On My Surgery!!
Dear Family and Friends,
Many of you know I went in for a surgical procedure for a Butt Lift at the WalMart Medical Center ..
I didn't have the most pleasant experience.
I should've left well enough alone.
I wanted to show you how it turned out.
I hope this keeps YOU from having this done.
Please, PLEASE ...PLEASE . .
Don't get a Butt Lift at the WalMart Medical Center ..
You will most certainly regret it !!!
 
 
**************
 
EVA

11 comments:

Stephen Hayes said...

The joke about the two dead ladies and the freezer is a side splitter.

Brian Miller said...

haha i agree that one is def my fav today....smiles...thanks for the chuckles...rough day for us...

River said...

I love that memorial stone! What a great way to remember the hubby!
I just had to laugh out loud at Sylvia and Wanda, and that butt lift.

Brenda said...

Omg, these are awesome! Thanks for the giggles!

Terri Sonoda said...

ROFL! Good stuff Eva! Love that butt lift. Makes me a little more ok with what I do have. LOL
Hugs!
T

Jen said...

You did it again! Great jokes. I have a hard time choosing my fav...though I love the "memorial stone"

Sue said...

Love the first Maxine one...and the butt lift.

To say nothing of the memorial stone...

=D

Dawn's Craft Place said...

You are hilarious! What a great sense of humor you have...
So glad you popped in to visit me and join my giveaway sweetie
Have a great weekend

Debbie said...

Oh Eva did I need a laugh this morning!! Love the memorial stone!! Now why didn't I think of that with my divorce from my ex-husband. The butt lift....well yah! That is her butt just below her shoulders isn't it? Hope all is well with you Eva...happy summer to ya...debbie

rosaria williams said...

O.k Eva, your last one has me in stitches!

Charlotte said...

Love the memorial stone