Tuesday, July 24, 2012


I have to admit, I always enjoy a good pun, so when a family member sent me these on email, I couldn't resist sharing them!

Note:  Please save your groaning 'til the end! 

I changed my i Pod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type- O.

PMS jokes aren't funny, period.

Why were the Indians here first ? They had reservations .

Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.

Energizer battery arrested. Charged with battery.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it!

Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils ?

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble .

What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds .

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!

Broken pencils are pointless.

I tried to catch some fog. I mist.

What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen, but they can't solve the crime . Police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Velcro - what a rip off!

Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.

Earthquake in Washington obviously government's fault.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

Hopefully, you won't remove me from your reading list after all those!  Did I at least make you smile once or twice?



Alessandra said...

Oh my gosh, these are so funny. I can't pick a favorite one, though I'm partial to the science related ones. I'm definitely going to steal one or two (or three), and I will definitely NOT un-follow you, you're way to funny :)

Stephen Hayes said...

Don't worry; I haven't yet learned how to "unfollow" someone. And when I do figure it out it will take more than a few puns to make me press that button.

Unknown Mami said...

These are keepers.

Eddie Bluelights said...

Thought at first I was going to be PUNished but loved every one LOL. Cheered me up and made me enjoy my breakfast more. Thanks Eva

River said...

These are getting printed out and hung up in the lunch room at work!

"England has no Kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool"

I used to dream about a Liverpool, in the dreams it was a swimming pool filled with chopped liver. I never understood what it meant. i dreamed about it several times in one year, but never again since then.

Brian Miller said...

oh my...these are a riot it actually took me a second to get the titanic one...i must still be tired...smiles.

jesterqueen said...

What do you call a blind dinosaur?

A doyouthinkhesaurus?

jesterqueen said...

And I agree - these are really punny. Uh. Funny.

rosaria williams said...

A mother lode of humor today.