Followers

Saturday, August 4, 2012

Saturday Silliness


A friend of mine was sitting on a lawn, sunning and reading, when he was startled by a fairly late model car crashing through a hedge and coming to rest on his lawn.
He helped the elderly driver out and sat her on a lawn chair.
“My goodness” he exclaimed, “you are quite old to be driving!”
“Yes” she replied, ” I am old enough that I don't need a license.”
“The last time I went to my doctor, he examined me and asked if I had a driver's license.” I told him "yes" and handed it to him.
He took scissors out of a drawer, cut the license into pieces and threw them in the wastebasket.” “You won’t be needing this anymore,” he said.
"So I thanked him and left."

***********************

The Irish Millionaire

Mick, from Dublin , appeared on 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire'
and towards the end of the program had already won 500,000 euros.


"You've done very well so far," said Chris Tarrant, the show's presenter,

"but for a million euros you've only got one life-line left, phone a friend.
Everything is riding on this question. Will you go for it?"

"Sure," said Mick. "I'll have a go!"

"Which of the following birds does NOT build its own nest?

a) Sparrow
b) Thrush,

c) Magpie,
d) Cuckoo.

"I haven't got a clue." said Mick,  ''So I'll use my last lifeline and phone my friend Paddy back home in Dublin ..."

Mick called up his mate, and told him the circumstances and repeated the question to him.

"Fookin hell, Mick!" cried Paddy. "Dat's simple it's a cuckoo."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm fookin sure."

Mick hung up the phone and told Chris,
"I'll go with cuckoo as my answer."

"Is that your final answer?" asked Chris.

"Dat it is."

There was a long, long pause and then the presenter screamed,
"Cuckoo is the correct answer! Mick, you've won 1 million euros!"


The next night, Mick invited Paddy to their local pub to buy him a drink.

"Tell me, Paddy? How in Heaven's name did you know
it was da Cuckoo that doesn't build its own nest?"

"Because he lives in a Fookin' clock!"


*******************

A man was driving along in the desert in Nevada when out of the corner of his eye he saw a sign that said,

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS, HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION, 10 MILES

Thinking it was a figment of his imagination, he continued driving without giving it a second thought.  Then a passed a second sign:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS, HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION, 5 MILES

He realizes the signs are for real when one appears which says"

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS, HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION, NEXT LEFT.

His curiousity gets the best of him, and he turns into the drive.  On the far side of the parking lot is a large stone building with a sign next to the door which reads,

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS

Now really intrigued, he climbs the steps and knocks on the door.  A nun in a long habit opens the door and asks,  "What can we do to help you, my son?"

The man answers, "I saw your signs on the highway and was interested in possibly doing business."

"Certainly," the nun replies.  "Follow me."  He follows her down a winding hall way until they come to another door.  "Knock on this door, " the Sister instructs.

He knocks on the door which is opened by a second nun holding a tin cup.  "Put $100 in the cup and go through the large wooden door at the end of the hallway."

Eagerly the man deposits $100 in the cup and trots down the hall to the indicated door.  As he steps through the door, it closes and locks behind him.  He finds himself back in the parking lot with the following sign in front of him:

"YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS."



********************


 EVA


10 comments:

Joanna Jenkins said...

Ha! Your Saturday Sillies are always so cute. (I wish I could remember jokes.)

Have a great weekend, xo jj

Stephen Hayes said...

I love the guy who was screwed by the nuns.

Alessandra said...

The Irish guy was the best, though the nuns came pretty close. Love your Saturday silliness :)

Brian Miller said...

haha....i bet that guys heart dropped at how close he came to losing a million euros over a cuckoo clock....

River said...

Ha Ha!! Those Sisters of St Francis are so very clever!!

Laughed at the Irish millionaire too.

Abby said...

I always love these. Thanks for giving me my first laugh of this Saturday!

Jenny said...

Eva.....it is amazing how we can count on you Saturday mornigs for a good laugh!! All were great, and I love your "cartoon"pictures.

Al Penwasser said...

WHAT is that nun doing to herself when she turns around and wiggles her hips!!??
:-O

Crack You Whip said...

You are full of the funnies! Also, I had to laugh at your comment on my post! I commented back to you.

Yep, full of the funnies!

Sue said...

Every one of these is hilarious.

=)