Followers

Saturday, September 1, 2012

Saturday Silliness

Always Ask.   NEVER ASSUME!!
His request approved, the CNN News photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight.

He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.

Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger.

He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go'.

The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off.

Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, 'Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.'

'Why?' asked the pilot.

'Because I'm a photographer for CNN' , he responded, 'and I need to get some close up shots.' 





The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered,
 
'So, what you're telling me, is . . . You're NOT my flight instructor?'


*************************



An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family."

No one moved.

The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression."

Again, all was quiet.

Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop a runaway train rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."

The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation roared.
**************************




HOW TO INSTALL A SOUTHERN HOME SECURITY SYSTEM

1. Go to Goodwill and buy a pair of size 14-16 men's work boots.

2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo Magazine

3. Put four giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.

4. Leave a note on your door that reads:

Bubba,.......

Me and Virgil, T-Bone and Jimmy Earl went for more
ammo and a gallon of sweet tea. Be back in an hour. Don't mess with
the pit bulls. They got the mailman this morning and messed him up
bad. I don't think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell from all
the blood. Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait
outside. Be right back.

Cooter 

*********************
WARNING (OUR GENERATION DIDN'T KNOW THIS)
 


Sound Health Advice I did not know this...

When you drink vodka over ice, it can give you kidney failure.
When you drink rum over ice, it can give you liver failure.
When you drink whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems.
When you drink gin over ice, it can give you brain problems.

Apparently, ice is really bad for you.
Warn all your friends.
**********************
EVA


 

10 comments:

Stephen Hayes said...

Wizard under the sheets! Love it.

River said...

Those last two are getting forwarded to many of my friends! Had to laugh at the "wizard under the sheets".

Magical Mystical MiMi said...

Oh my gosh.. I love the pilot one.. Sounds like something I would totally do.. As I have been known to get in the wrong vehicles from time to time at the grocery store.. :)

Brian Miller said...

haha....the pastor has def gotten himself in a bit of hot water...or a hot place for sure...lol...

SherilinR said...

ha, i like the southern security system.
signed, bubba

Jen said...

I am sitting here at my computer laughing my a-- off!! Too funny. I loved the paster.

Sue said...

hahaha

pastor humor is good.

=)

Pat said...

Great jokes this week! "Wizard under the sheets" hahahahaha!

Laurie Kolp said...

hahaha... love them all, but especially the last one

Tami Von Zalez said...

Good ones, Eva - you are on a roll!

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