Saturday, November 3, 2012

Saturday Silliness

The Search for Perfection

At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect 
mate to some one of her friends. 
"The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. And stay home at night!"
An old granny overheard and spoke up, "Honey, if that's all you want, get a TV!"


Within the heart of every stray dog lies the singular desire to be loved. 
A dog is truly a man's best friend. 
  If you don't believe it, just try this experiment:
Put your dog and your spouse in the trunk of the car for an hour. When you open the trunk , who is really happy to see you?
The funeral was held way back in the country and the young minister got lost on 
the way. When he arrived an hour late, he saw a backhoe and crew, but the hearse 
was nowhere in sight. The workmen were eating lunch. The diligent pastor went to 
the open grave to find the vault lid in place.... but still he poured out his 
heart and preached an impassioned and lengthy service.
  Returning to his car, the young minister felt that he had done his duty and he would leave with a renewed sense of purpose and dedication, in spite of his tardiness. As he got into his car, he overheard one of the workers say, "You know George, I've been putting in septic tanks for 25 years, and I ain't never seen anything like that before; sort of gives new meaning to the term "Holy Crap."

A woman arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the gates. She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died
before her.  They saw her and began calling greetings to her.

"Hello - How are you! We've been waiting for you! Good to see you."
When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him, "This is such a wonderful place!  How do I get in?"

"You have to spell a word," Saint Peter told her.

"Which word?" the woman asked.


The woman correctly spelled 'Love', and Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven.

About a year later, Saint Peter came to the woman and asked her to watch the Gates
of Heaven for him that day.
While the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived.

I'm surprised to see you," the woman said. "How have you been?"

"Oh, I've been doing pretty well since you died," her husband told her. I married
the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill. And then I won the multi-state lottery. I sold the little house you and I lived in and bought a huge
mansion. And my wife and I traveled all around the world. We were on vacation in Cancun and I went water skiing today. I fell and hit my head, and here I am. What a bummer! How do I get in?"

"You have to spell a word," the woman told him.

"Which word?" her husband asked.

Moral of the story: Never make a woman angry…There will be Hell to pay later!




Dazee Dreamer said...

hahahaha. loved the last one especially

Alessandra said...

Too funny, love the old lady pic too :)

Stephen Hayes said...

I better start practicing how to spell Cezeslovakia....

River said...

Loved that last one!
As for the first one, well, I have a TV and a DVD player and a laptop, an I-pod or three, several real books, a kindle loaded with 1700 books....

Brian Miller said...

the thought of opening that trunk after an hour is the scariest thing i have ever some funny stuff eva...happy saturday

Jenny said...

Good ones Eva.....I like Chubby Chaterbox's comment!!!

Laurie Kolp said...

Hahaha... thanks for the Saturday silliness. I especially like the second one.

Sue said...

Last three were particularly funny!


She Writes said...

Haha! Yup men just aren't crazy about riding in the trunk for some reason. I don't have to try to know the answer to this tricky scenario :).

Reeni Pisano said...

Haha love the septic tank one! And the first one could be me! I'd rather watch my new tv than go on a date.