Saturday, November 17, 2012

Saturday Silliness

Last year she replaced all the windows in her house with those expensive, double-pane, energy-efficient kind. Today, she got a call from the contractor who installed them. He
complained that the work had been completed a year ago and she still hadn't paid for them.

She said, "Helloooo.......just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid! I'll tell you what your fast-talking sales guy told me last year.......that these windows would pay for themselves in a year. Hellooooo? It's been a year, so they're paid for!"
                                                                                                                                       There was only silence on the other end of the line, so I finally hung up. He never called back. I bet he felt like an idiot!

While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He 
could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned 
craft. Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, 
"are there any gators around here?!" 
"Naw," the man hollered back, "Ain't been any for years!" 
Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming toward the shore. As he got closer to 
shore he shouted to the guy again "What did you do to get rid of the gators?" 
"We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said. "The sharks got 'em all." 

Car Keys

 Several days ago as I left a meeting at a hotel,  I desperately gave myself a personal TSA pat down.

I was looking for my keys. They were not in my pockets.
 A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.
Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car.
 Frantically, I headed for the parking lot.
 My husband has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the  ignition.
My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them.

His theory is that the car will be stolen.
As I burst through the door, I came to a terrifying conclusion.

His theory was right. The parking lot was empty.
 I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed  that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.

 Then I made the most difficult call of all, "Honey," I stammered; I always call him "honey" in times like these.

 "I left my keys in the car and it has been stolen.
There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard his voice.
 "Are you kidding me," he barked, "I dropped you off!! "
Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, come and  get me."
 He retorted, "I will, as soon as I convince this policeman I have not stolen your car."
 Yep,  it's the golden years................




Al Penwasser said...

Oh, boy, that last one reminded me of when I called Mrs. Penwasser at home on our land line.
When she asked me to come pick her up, I (of course) asked, "Okay. Where are you?"

Sue said...

Especially liked that second one. I'd seen the third before, but it cracked me up all over again.


River said...

I like the beachcomber one. I've often fancied being a beachcomber, it seems such a peaceful way of life.

Ann Cordner said...

Made my day. Thank you :-)

Steadfast Ahoy! said...

What a way to begin Saturday! I laughed at the blonde and the lady with the stolen car. Thanks for the smiles.

Brian Miller said...

ha. so just how fast can you swim? smiles...thanks for the saturday chuckles sue ann...

Kimberly said...

you crack me up as always. I love coming here :)
Ps. Is that the girls sexy face. If it is, someone needs to tell her that it's not. Just sayin

Stephen Hayes said...

Well, if they said those windows would pay for themselves in a year, she was right to hold them to their word. Da!!!!

Unknown Mami said...

I wish all my stuff paid for itself and I would even dye my hair blond to make it happen.

Jenny said...

Love that blonde!!!! Good laughs Eva...

Pat said...

That third joke could easily be Jim and me!

Laurie Kolp said...

hahaha... silly, indeed = )

injaynesworld said...

That last one totally did me in. LOL!