Saturday, November 24, 2012

Saturday Silliness

Now you know what to do with him while you're doing your Christmas shopping!


Definitions for Parents 
FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when a baby doesn't appreciate the mashed 
HEARSAY: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.  
PRENATAL: When your life was still somewhat your own.  
PUDDLE: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes. 
STERILIZE: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your 
last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.  
TOP BUNK: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman pajamas.  
WHOOPS: An exclamation that translates roughly into "get a washrag." 

Everything's Bigger in Texas

A blind man travels to Texas. When he gets to his hotel room, he feels the bed.  

"Wow, this bed is big!" 
"Everything is big in Texas," says the bellhop. 
Later, the blind man goes downstairs to the bar and orders a drink; a mug is 
placed between his hands.  "Wow, these drinks are big!" 
The bartender replies, "Everything is big in Texas." 
After a few drinks, the blind man asks where the bathroom is located.  The 
bartender says, "The second door to the right."  The blind man heads for the 
bathroom but accidentally enters the third door, which leads to the swimming 
pool, and he falls in. 

 Scared to death, he shouts, "Don't flush!  Don't flush!" 


Bob Hill and his new wife, Betty, were vacationing in Europe ... as it happens, near Transylvania. They were driving in a rental car along a rather deserted highway.

It was late and raining very hard. Bob could barely see the road in front of the car. 
Suddenly, the car skids out of control! Bob attempts to control the car, but to no avail!
 The car swerves and smashes into a tree.

Moments later, Bob shakes his head to clear the fog. Dazed, he looks over at the passenger seat and sees his wife unconscious, with her head bleeding! Despite the rain and unfamiliar countryside, Bob knows he has to get her medical assistance.

Bob carefully picks his wife up and begins trudging down the road. After a short while, he
 sees a light. He heads toward the light, which is coming from a large, old house. He 
 approaches the door and knocks.
A minute passes. A small, hunched man opens the door. Bob immediately blurts, 
"Hello, my name is Bob Hill, and this is my wife, Betty. We've been in a terrible accident, 
and my wife has been seriously hurt. Can I please use your phone?"

"I'm sorry," replies the hunchback, "but we don't have a phone. My master is a doctor; 
come in, and I will get him!"

Bob brings his wife in.

An older man comes down the stairs.

"I'm afraid my assistant may have misled you," he says. "I am not a medical doctor; I 
am a scientist. However, it is many miles to the nearest clinic, and I have had a basic
 medical training. I will see what I can do. Igor, bring them down to the laboratory."

With that, Igor picks up Betty and carries her downstairs, with Bob following closely. 
Igor places Betty on a table in the lab. Bob collapses from exhaustion and his own 
injuries, so Igor places Bob on an adjoining table.  After a brief examination, Igor's
 master looks worried.

"Things are serious, Igor," he says. "Prepare a trans-fusion."

Igor and his master work feverishly, but to no avail. Bob and Betty Hill are no more.

The Hills' deaths upset Igor's master greatly. Wearily, he climbs the steps to his
 conservatory, which houses his grand piano. For it is here that he has always found 
solace. He begins to play, and a stirring, almost haunting melody fills the house.

Meanwhile, Igor is still in the lab tidying up. His eyes catch movement, and he notices 
the fingers on Betty's hand twitch, keeping time to the haunting piano music. Stunned,
 he watches as Bob's arm begins to rise, marking the beat! He is further amazed as
 Betty and Bob both sit up straight!

Unable to contain himself, he dashes up the stairs to the conservatory.  

He bursts in and shouts to his master:

"Master, Master! The Hills are alive with the sound of music!"




River said...

The blind man in the pool had me chuckling, but the Hills are alive with the Sound of Music had me laughing out loud.

Retiredandcrazy said...

Made my day - again!!!

Brian Miller said...

dont flush...hahhahahaha....i love that one...and hte husband day care....smiles....the guys kept the kids so the ladies could go out yesterday here.....smiles....happy belated thanksgiving eva!

fishducky said...

Funny stuff, Eva!!

Stephen Hayes said... really sucked me into that last one. Have you no shame?

Charlotte said...

The husband daycare is quite clever. The pool and don't flush was hilarious.

Jenny said...

Thanks for the Sat. morning laughs...

Paula Jones said...

lol!!! Great post!

Terri Sonoda said...

Love your Saturday Silliness! That last one was the best chuckle I've had in a while. Thanks Eva!

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Unknown Mami said...

Love the husband day care.

Emily @ TheBusyMomsDiet said...

Haha! Love the definitions for parents! They are spot on!