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Saturday, December 15, 2012

Saturday Silliness




In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the Mystic delivered grave news:

"There's no easy way to tell you this, so I'll just be blunt. Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year."

Visibly shaken, Laura stared at the woman's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands.

She took a few deep breaths to compose herself and to stop her mind racing. She simply had to know.

She met the Fortune Teller's gaze, steadied her voice and asked, "Will I be acquitted?"

*************************


Wife texts husband

Wife texts husband on a cold winter’s morning:
"Windows frozen."

Husband texts back:
"Pour some lukewarm water over it."

Wife texts back 5 minutes later:
"Computer completely screwed up now."

*************************



A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton 
of milk and if they have avocados, get 6." 
 
A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. 
 
The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?" 
 
He replied, "They had avocados." 


********************




It was Saturday morning as Jake, an avid hunter, woke up raring to go bag the first deer of the season. He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his wife, Alice, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage. 

Jake asks her, "What are you up to?" 

Alice smiles, "I'm going hunting with you!" 

Jake, though he had many reservations about this, reluctantly decides to take her along. 

Three hours later they arrive at a game preserve just outside of San Marcos, Texas. 

Jake sets his lovely wife safely up in the tree stand and tells her, "If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I'll come running back as soon as I hear the shot." 

Jake walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice couldn't bag an elephant - much less a deer. 

Not 10 minutes pass when he is startled as he hears an array of gunshots. 
Quickly, Jake starts running back. As Jake gets closer to her stand, he hears Alice screaming, get the #$%^ away from my deer!" 

Confused and frightened, Jake races faster towards his screaming wife. 
And again he hears her yell, "Get the #$%^ away from my deer!" followed by another volley of gunfire! 

Now within sight of where he had left his wife, Jake is surprised to see a Texas game warden with his hands high in the air. 

The game warden, obviously distraught, yelled, "Okay, lady! You can have your #$%^ deer, just let me get my saddle off it!"
 

****************************



EVA 

12 comments:

fishducky said...

Funny--a much needed laugh today!

Xae said...

My favorites are the frozen windows one and holy crap you're hot day. I'm gonna share it :)

Dawn @Lighten Up! said...

Holy Crap, Eva! You are so freakin' HOT!

Brian Miller said...

hahahah...i love the avacado one....bet she never send him again...i may need to try that...smiles....

thanks for the chuckles eva...needed them this morning...

Alessandra said...

You are really a Godsend. A usual can't pick my favorite one, they're all hilarious. Btw, I started a new blog, can you pimp me out a little? I gotta find all of you guys, and it might take some time since I definitely don't get as much traffic as you. Thank you so much :)

http://alexslivinglife.blogspot.com

Gail said...

Thanks!!!! They had avocados!!!

It feels good to laugh!

Unknown Mami said...

The frozen Windows is a good one.

Stephen Hayes said...

"Okay, lady! You can have your #$%^ deer, just let me get my saddle off it!" Priceless!

rosaria williams said...

Eva, you still got it!

Paula Jones said...

My hubs tried not to laugh at #1 when I read it to him! :)

LOve 'Frozen Windows'!!!!

Paula Jones said...

My hubs tried not to laugh at #1 when I read it to him! :)

LOve 'Frozen Windows'!!!!

River said...

Love that first one. Let's hope the Fortune Teller is the real deal not a fake.