Followers

Sunday, December 30, 2012

Celebration Sunday


Associated Press/Robert F. Bukaty - Steven Bridges, left, receives a wedding ring from Michael Snell, early Saturday, Dec. 29, 2012, at City Hall in Portland, Maine.

After waiting for years, Steven and Michael were the first gay couple to marry in Maine.  The two have been together for 9 years, and the happiness on their faces says it all.  They waited in line for the City Clerk's office to open at  midnight on December 29th, the day the day the same sex marriage law went into effect.

  I'm proud to be a resident of a state that now longer discriminates!

EVA


Saturday, December 29, 2012

Saturday Silliness








*********************


An Irishman goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the 

Church.  Inside he finds a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On one 
wall there's a row of decanters with fine Irish whiskey and Waterford crystal
glasses. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and 
chocolates.  Then the priest comes in. 

 
"Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to 
confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more 
inviting than it used to be."  
 
 The priest replies: "Get out, you moron, you're on my side". 

****************



***********************


A mother and her young son returned from the grocery store and began putting 
away the groceries. 
 
The boy opened the box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table. 
 
"What are you doing," his mother asked? 
 
"The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken," the boy explained. 
"I'm looking for the seal."  

*******************


"Back in the days of King Arthur, there is a story remembered till this day. 
 
Arthur was on the way to a campaign with his army.. 
 
They came to a fog shrouded bridge with a dark reputation. It was rumored that 
the bridge was inhabited by a clan of vicious trolls. 
 
He sent his bravest knight across to check its safety. The knight got half way 
across and it looked as though he was going to make it, but a yellow troll 
popped out from under the bridge, grabbed him with his sticky yellow fingers, 
and ate him. 
 
Next he sent his finest squadron across, and, sure enough, when they got halfway 
across, the yellow troll popped out again, grabbed them with his sticky yellow 
fingers and ate them like we eat a bag of popcorn. [Cue Sound Effects] Their 
weapons and training were useless against the smelly foe. 
 
Not one to be defeated, but running short of good men, he sent his lowly page 
across. The brave young lad walked clear across, and Arthur and his army 
followed to the other side. 
 
The moral of the story? 
 
Let your Pages do the Walking through the Yellow 
Fingers!" 

*******************

EVA

Friday, December 28, 2012

To Resolve or Not to Resolve?

The new year is on the horizon, and once again I give thought to resolutions.

 Past experience tells me that this may be an exercise in futility; speaking of exercise....there's one of my resolutions.  I have been sporadic in my attendance at the Silver Sneakers classes at my gym this year.  Things like doctor's appointments, Mr. Eva's chemotherapy, and occasionally family obligations interfered.

 I should resolve to be more consistent in my efforts in 2013.  With that said, Mr. Eva is scheduled for knee replacement surgery on January 15; between that and winter storms, the outlook for keeping that resolution is bleak!

I really need to spend more time writing and less time playing Bejewelled.  I have two different books started and haven't passed chapter 5 on either of them!  There's another area wide open for resolution. . . 


I need to find ways to promote the books I HAVE written;  I did speak at a Red Hats event last August, but I haven't done much else.  I need create more promotional opportunities.  Any ideas, folks?  I'm open to suggestion.

Of course, I can always feature a book a month on my blog with a link to Amazon, but I'd love some more ideas!

The first book I published on Kindle was:

After four years of living alone as widow, Adelaide Cunningham suddenly finds her daughter Felicia and granddaughter Betsy on her doorstep, looking for a place to stay. The stress of living with her embittered daughter and active granddaughter cause Addie to end up in the hospital with a heart attack.

When a fellow heart patient, Michael Chandler, awakens feelings in Addie that she thought had died long ago, she finds herself having to re-examine her life and her priorities. Will she follow her head or her heart? Will Felicia come between her and Michael?

Click on the title to check it out on Amazon!


How about if you resolve to buy one or more of my books during the coming year?  Several of you have and I appreciate it, but I know there are more of you who are just dying to enjoy my work.  Don't be shy---go ahead and buy!

EVA

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

WTF Friday

WTF Friday will return next week.......recovering from an overdose of Christmas spirit!

(and I don't even know what day of the week it is!  Should be WTF Wednesday!!!!)
EVA

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Sunday, December 23, 2012

Silent Sunday


Our Granddaughter, Rosie.

Saturday, December 22, 2012

Saturday Silliness





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EVA

Friday, December 21, 2012

Flaunting Fiction: Book review!

Today I'm posting a review of fellow New England blogger Rodney Lacroix's book, "Things Go Wrong for Me."



It's side-splitting, rolling on the floor, hilarious!

Rodney Lacroix's book, Things Go Wrong for Me, is one of the funniest things I've read in a long time! From his "I was a fat kid" childhood to his "lying to my kids" parenting, to his detailed description of his vasectomy experience, he had me laughing out loud. It's even funnier than his blog, of which I've been a fan for a long time. I expected to enjoy the book, but never thought I'd actually love it! Way to go, Moooooog!

You, too, can jump on the bandwagon and read this hysterical piece of autobiographic, self-deprecating lunacy!   It's available here on Kindle here.


Or you can order direct from the publisher, by clicking here:

Whatever you do, don't miss reading this fun book from the author of the blog "Mental Poo."

I promise it will be time well-spent!
EVA

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

  I FINALLY
GOT THE TREE UP!!!
‘Tis the season . . . Ho Ho Ho
  Whew!!!!
                 It was a lot  of work but  I'm done ...
got  the tree up!!
Just  love the smell of pine!!!!



EVA

Monday, December 17, 2012

Random thoughts

I would like to apologize for my last Saturday Silliness post; I usually set up posts two or three days in advance in case I get busy and don't find time the night before a post is due.   As a result, two of my posts involved guns, which in retrospect seemed very insensitive, given the events at Sandy Hook Elementary on Friday.  I'm sorry if anyone took offense; that was certainly not my intent.  What happened in Connecticut was tragic beyond belief, and my thoughts and prayers are with the victims and their families and friends.

******************************
Ever walk into a room with some purpose in mind, only to completely forget what that purpose was?
Turns out, doors themselves are to blame for these strange memory lapses.
Psychologists at the University of Notre Dame have discovered that passing through a doorway triggers what's known as an event boundary in the mind, separating one set of thoughts and memories from the next.
Your brain files away the thoughts you had in the previous room and prepares a blank slate for the new locale.

It's not aging, it's the damn door! Thank goodness for studies like this.




*********************************

This week, Mr. Eva and I are having dinner with a cousin of mine from Texas that I haven't seen in about 50 years.  It's mind-boggling to me that I'm old enough to have been out of touch with someone for that long.  I'm looking forward to seeing her and meeting her daughter.  We have a great deal of catching up to do!



*****************************


**************************


Today I'm going to invite you to check out a friend's blog.  Her name is Alessandra and she's going through a divorce after a 27 year marriage.  She just started this blog and I think it would be great for her to have a little support, encouragement, and traffic from other bloggers.  Click on this link to pay her a visit!  Tell her Eva sent you!

*******************

EVA

Sunday, December 16, 2012

Silent Sunday



My Granddog Baxter

EVA

Saturday, December 15, 2012

Saturday Silliness




In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the Mystic delivered grave news:

"There's no easy way to tell you this, so I'll just be blunt. Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year."

Visibly shaken, Laura stared at the woman's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands.

She took a few deep breaths to compose herself and to stop her mind racing. She simply had to know.

She met the Fortune Teller's gaze, steadied her voice and asked, "Will I be acquitted?"

*************************


Wife texts husband

Wife texts husband on a cold winter’s morning:
"Windows frozen."

Husband texts back:
"Pour some lukewarm water over it."

Wife texts back 5 minutes later:
"Computer completely screwed up now."

*************************



A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton 
of milk and if they have avocados, get 6." 
 
A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. 
 
The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?" 
 
He replied, "They had avocados." 


********************




It was Saturday morning as Jake, an avid hunter, woke up raring to go bag the first deer of the season. He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his wife, Alice, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage. 

Jake asks her, "What are you up to?" 

Alice smiles, "I'm going hunting with you!" 

Jake, though he had many reservations about this, reluctantly decides to take her along. 

Three hours later they arrive at a game preserve just outside of San Marcos, Texas. 

Jake sets his lovely wife safely up in the tree stand and tells her, "If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I'll come running back as soon as I hear the shot." 

Jake walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice couldn't bag an elephant - much less a deer. 

Not 10 minutes pass when he is startled as he hears an array of gunshots. 
Quickly, Jake starts running back. As Jake gets closer to her stand, he hears Alice screaming, get the #$%^ away from my deer!" 

Confused and frightened, Jake races faster towards his screaming wife. 
And again he hears her yell, "Get the #$%^ away from my deer!" followed by another volley of gunfire! 

Now within sight of where he had left his wife, Jake is surprised to see a Texas game warden with his hands high in the air. 

The game warden, obviously distraught, yelled, "Okay, lady! You can have your #$%^ deer, just let me get my saddle off it!"
 

****************************



EVA 

Friday, December 14, 2012

The Santa Gender Mind Bender

I've noticed that several bloggers are bringing back previous posts for new followers to enjoy.  It's in that frame of mind that I bring back a poem I composed last year.  Hope it makes you smile, even if you've read it before.

The Santa Gender Mind Bender

Ever since the very first tales of Santa began,
All have assumed that Santa’s a man.
Listen here: You may find it odd—
But I’m willing to bet that Santa’s a broad!




The gifts kids receive---all picked by a guy?
The same species that’s been known to buy
Their holiday gifts on Christmas Eve?
A plan-ahead- dude is hard to believe!

I guess the elves could do all the wrapping—
We know for sure, a guy would be napping.
Would he then deliver his selections,
Without stopping once to ask for directions?
Fat chance of that, I would have to say;
With no GPS until recent day!
Do you know any man who’d admit being lost?
They’re way too stubborn, regardless the cost!

Then there’s the usual cookies and milk—
Would most guys be happy with things of that ilk?
No, I think not. Here’s what I fear,
If Santa’s a man, he’d want pretzels and beer!


Just give it some thought
And I’m sure you’ll agree
No way it’s a man--

Santa must be a SHE!


(an original poem by Eva Gallant)

If you enjoyed my poems this week, you might enjoy my book:



A collection of ditties called "ASSORTED VERSE OR WORSE."    Click on the link to check it out!

EVA

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

WTF Wednesday

Every now and then, there's something in the news that makes me scratch my head and ask "What the f*ck?"    Then, of course, I have to share these items with you!

Porn Duo


You've heard "the family that plays together, stays together?"  Well "the Sexxtons" are a mother and daughter that take that to a new high (or low, depending on your viewpoint.).  Jessica, 56, and Monica, 22, have been 
creating kinky videos for their website for a year, and now have released a DVD.  Although they have sex in the same room with the same person (male or female), they claim it's not incest because they don't touch each other.  Excuse me, I think I might throw up now.

*****************

The Cat Burglar


Wanted:  Thieving kitty!  Milo, a London cat, wears a magnetized cat collar and uses a cat door to get in and out of his home.  It seems that when his owner is away, Milo likes to more than play.  He roams the neighborhood going in and out of other feline's cat doors.  Milo has accidentally ripped off 20 sets of car keys along with assorted nuts, bolts, and nails.  The contraband would attach itself to his magnetic collar.  Milo's owner has since returned keys to their owners, and the neighbors have had a good chuckle about it.  Lucklily, everyone had a sense of humor about it and Milo didn't have to go to puss prison!

***************
Eau de Pepperoni?


The chain Pizza Hut of Canada has come out with a Pizza scented perfume.  The only problem apparently is that when a lady wears it, her fella' has a sudden craving for beer!

****************
The above items come from the Huffington Post.

EVA

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

A Christmas Poem

(I posted this poem last year around this time, and since I have picked up several new followers since then, I thought I'd repost it.)



Twas the week before Christmas, and all through the town,
There was no sign of snow, not a flake to be found.
The snowplows all sat in the town parking lot,
All gassed up and waiting, but snow, it did not.

The children were nervous and fearful as well,
That they’d see no St. Nick unless some snow fell.
The thought of a Christmas with no Santa Claus,
Was more than enough to give them all pause.

They were of two minds on the matter, it was patently clear.
Many were sure no that snow  meant no Santa this year;
Though some thought he’d still come with no snow on the roof.
The idea was hotly debated; there just was no proof!

Each weather report brought all to attention;
A forecast of snow would bring an end to the tension.
For how could Santa land on roofs with his sleigh
Without a fresh layer of snow to blanket the way?

The day before Christmas, the ground was still dry,
More than one child walked ‘round with a tear in his eye.
The trees were all trimmed with tinsel and lights,
And stockings were hung, with no snow in sight.

With hearts in their throats, kids donned their pajamas,
Climbed into their beds, bid goodnight to their mamas.
So sad were they all. More than one shed tears as they crept
Under the covers; some even sobbed the whole time they slept.

Then, during the night came an event unexpected.
A lovely snowfall left the town white complected!
On every rooftop, the snow flakes they landed,
So, Santa and Rudolph would not be stranded!

The children awoke to the sound of the plows,
A peek out the windows elicited "Wows!"
There was snow everywhere, piled up in drifts,
And under their trees were all sorts of gifts!

The snowfall had came and brought Santa, too,
Though how it all happened, they hadn't a clue.
Even the weatherman was scratching his head--
Was all of it brought by the fat man in red?

an orginal poem by Eva Gallant


EVA

Sunday, December 9, 2012

Silent Sunday

Santa wants to know if you've been naughty or nice?

(Mr. Eva's cousin, Ernie)

Saturday, December 8, 2012

Saturday Silliness



Sleeping in the Barn
  
A lawyer and two friends, a rabbi and a Hindu holy man, had
car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night
with a farmer.
  
The farmer said, "There might be a problem; you see, I only
have room for two to sleep, so one of you must sleep in the
barn."
  
"No problem," chimed the rabbi. "My people wandered in the
desert for forty years. I am humble enough to sleep in the
barn for an evening."
  
With that, he departed to the barn and the others bedded
down for the night.
  
Moments later, a knock was heard at the door, and the farmer
opened it. There stood the rabbi from the barn.
  
"What's wrong?" asked the farmer.
  
He replied, "I'm grateful to you, but I can't sleep in the
barn. There is a pig in the barn, and my faith believes that
is an unclean animal."
  
His Hindu friend agreed to swap places with him. But a few
minutes later, the same scene recurred. There was a knock on
the door.
  
"What's wrong now?" the farmer asked.
  
The Hindu holy man replied, "I too am grateful for your
helping us out, but there is a cow in the barn, and in my
country cows are considered sacred. I can't sleep on holy
ground!"
  
Well, that left only the lawyer to make the change. He
grumbled and complained, but he went out to the barn.
  
Moments later, there was another knock on the farmer's door.
  


 




Frustrated and tired, the farm-er opened the door, and there
stood ... the pig and the cow.

*****************




SENIOR EYE EXAM



Do you need glasses?? Look carefully at the picture below.


Did you see the bare butt
of the girl in the background?  If you did see that in the picture,
you need to have your Eyes checked,
as that is the armpit of the girl
holding the  the camera.
My appointment is at 2pm tomorrow
I'M STILL VERY WORRIED ABOUT YOU
*************************
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. 
 
The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. 
The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. 
 
"I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple 
and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents. 
 
"The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire 
day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this 
system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37." 
 
"And that's how you built an empire?" the boy asked. 
 
"Heavens, no!" the man replied. "Then my wife's father died and left us two  
million dollars."  
**************
A mother and a daughter are shopping in the mall, when the mother eyes an 
expensive fur coat. "This year," she says, "I think that I will buy my present 
instead of making you and dad shop for me." The daughter nods in agreement. "And 
I think this fur coat would be perfect too." 
 
The daughter protests, "But mom, some helpless, poor creature has to suffer so 
that you can have this." 
 
"Don't worry honey," says the mother, "your father won't get the bill for a 
couple of weeks.

**********************

EVA

Friday, December 7, 2012

Flaunting Fiction Friday

I just finished reading "The League for the Suppression of Celery" by fellow blogger, Wendy Russ.


If you haven't met Wendy, she used to have a blog called "On the Front Porch" where she spun hilarious tales about her sons Julius and Tristan, her adventures selling real estate, and the horrors of home renovation.   That's where I first met her.  She has since written some books and has a few different blogs in the fire, so to speak.  When I read that she had published her book "The League for the Suppression of Celery," I had to have it!  She's so witty and such a gifted writer, I knew I wouldn't be disappointed. And I wasn't!

(I have a link farther down the page that will take you to her book so you can actually peek inside, which you can't here)

This novel is funny, sexy, and romantic all at once.  The main character, Kate, is a college senior majoring in photography when her friend Amber convinces her to join her in to a call to a famous chef' who's a guest on a radio talk show.  The chef happens to be super handsome and after a spirited conversation with him and the radio host, Kate is surprised a few weeks later by a job offer from the chef, Warren Huffman.  

Huffman seduces her with gifts, chocolate covered strawberries, and the promise of an impressive beginning salary with benefits into leaving her home and driving to Oxnard, California, to be his assistant and handle the photography for a new cookbook he is planning.

Unable to resist his persuasive ways, AND his gorgeous face and body, Kate Pearson packs up her car and heads west.  She has numerous hair-raising adventures along the way, including being kidnapped and nearly brain-washed into the cult-like League for the Suppression of Celery in Utah.  In the meantime, there's much she does not know about Warren, including the fact that he has a wife, Cassandra.  

There were so many things I loved about this story!  It was very well-written, and the various plots all merged and were tied together in the end.  Kate's relationship with Warren is hot;  but then there's the computer geek Martin who impresses her with his kindness and concern, and I mustn't forget her "kidnapper" the mentally challenged cult member who is obsessed with her beauty.

There were twists and turns to the plot, many laughs, and lots of excitement including a wild car chase in the mountains.  You really should add "The League for the Suppression of Celery" to your must read list.  for more information about the book, Click here.  


Happy reading!

EVA

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Tips From the Redneck Book of Manners

   Miscellaneous 
1.
Never take a beer to a job interview.
2.
Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
3.
It's considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.
4.
If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
5.
Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.
Dining Out
1.
If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.
2.
Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant may not have dogs.
ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
1.
A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
2.
Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners are.
PERSONAL HYGIENE
1.
While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys
2.
Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
3.
Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.
DATING (OUTSIDE THE FAMILY)
1.
Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
2.
Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: 'I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago.'
3.
Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; others might say 'Monday.' If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
4.
Always have a positive comment about your date's appearance, such as, 'Ya'll sure don't sweat much for a fat gal.'
WEDDINGS
1.
Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2.
Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
3.
For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create too sporty an appearance.
4.
Though uncomfortable, say 'yes' to socks and shoes for this special occasion.
5.
It is not appropriate to tell the groom how good his wife is in the sack.
DRIVING ETIQUETTE
1.
Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.
2.
When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.
3.
Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4.
When sending your wife/girlfriend down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
5.
Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.
6.
Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
TWO REASONS WHY IT IS HARD TO SOLVE A REDNECK MURDER:
1.
All the DNA is the same.
2.
There are no dental records
 

This has been a public service announcement.

EVA