A man was wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital in his wheelchair, just before his operation. A nurse stopped him and asked, "What's the matter?" He said, "I heard the nurse say, 'It's a very simple operation, don't worry, I'm sure it will be all right.'" "She was just trying to comfort you, what's so frightening about that?" "She wasn't talking to me. She was talking to the doctor!"
Three elderly gentlemen were talking about what their grandchildren would be saying about them fifty years from now. "I would like my grandchildren to say, 'He was successful in business'," declared the first man. "Fifty years from now," said the second, "I want them to say, 'He was a loyal family man'." Turning to the third gent, the first gent asked, "So what do you want them to say about you in fifty years?" "Me?" the third man replied. "I want them all to say, "He certainly looks good for his age'!"
afternoon when he came to a crossroads where he met a little girl coming from the other direction.
'Hi,' said the little girl.
'Where are you going?' asked the little boy.
'I've been to church this morning and I'm on my way home,' answered the little girl. 'I'm also on my way home from church. Which church do you go to?' asked the little boy. 'I go to the Catholic church back down the road,' replied the little girl. 'What about you? '
I go to the Lutheran church back at the top of the hill,' replied the little boy.They discover that they are both going the same way so they decided that they'd walk together.They came to a low spot in the road where spring rains had partially flooded the road, so there was no way that they could get across to the other side without getting wet.'If I get my new Sunday dress wet, my Mom's going to skin me alive,'said the little girl. 'My Mom'll tan my hide, too, if I get my new Sundaysuit wet,' replied the little boy.'I'll tell you what I think I'll do,' said the little girl. 'I'm gonna pull offall my clothes and hold them over my head and wade across.''That's a good idea,'replied the little boy. 'I'm going to do the same thingwith my suit.'So they both undressed and waded across to the other side without getting their clothes wet. They were standing there in the sun waiting to drip dry before putting their clothes back on, when the little boy finally remarked:
You know, I never realized before just how much difference there really is between aCATHOLIC and a LUTHERAN!***********************A priest and a rabbi were sitting next to each other on an airplane. After a while, the priest turned to the rabbi and asked, "Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?' The rabbi responded, "Yes, that is still one of our laws." The priest then asked, "Have you ever eaten pork?" To which the rabbi replied, "Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich." The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading. A while later, the rabbi spoke up and asked the priest, "Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?" The priest replied, "Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith." The rabbi then asked him, "Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?" The priest replied, "Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke my Faith." The rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silent, thinking, for about five Minutes. Finally, the rabbi said, "Beats the heck out of a ham sandwich, doesn't it?"**********************EVA