Saturday Silliness

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Did you hear about the teacher who was helping one of her reception class pupils put on his boots? He asked for help and she could see why. Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn't want to go on. By the time they got the second boot on, she had worked up a sweat. She almost cried when the little boy said, 'Teacher, they're on the wrong feet.' She looked, and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as, together, they worked to get the boots back on, this time on the correct feet. He then announced, 'These aren't my boots.' She bit her tongue, rather than get right in his face and scream, 'Why didn't you say so? ' like she wanted to. Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet. No sooner had they got the boots off when he said, 'They're my brother's boots. My Mum made me wear 'em.' Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry. But she mustered up what grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again. Helping him into his coat, she asked, 'Now, where are your mittens?' He said, 'I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots.'

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Two men sank into adjacent train seats after a long day in the city. One asked 
the other, "Your son go back to college yet?" 
 
 "Two days ago." 
 
 "Mine's a senior this year, so it's almost over. In May, he'll be an engineer. 
What's your boy going to be when he gets out of college?" 
 
 "At the rate he's going, I'd say he'll be about thirty." 
 
 "No, I mean what's he taking in college?" 
 
 "He's taking every penny I make." 
 
 "Doesn't he burn the midnight oil enough?" 
 
 "He doesn't get in early enough to burn the midnight oil." 
 
 "Well, has sending him to college done anything at all?" 
 
 "Sure has! It's totally cured his mother of bragging about him." 
  

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 Now that I'm older here's what I've discovered:

 1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

 2. My wild oats have turned into prunes and all-bran.

 3. I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.

 4. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

 5. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

 6. If all is not lost, where is it?

 7. It's a lot easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

 8. Some days, you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.

 9. I wish the buck did stop here; I sure could use a few.

 10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.

 11. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

 12. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

 13. The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're  in
the bathroom.

 14. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he'd have put them on my knees.

 15. When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone want to  play
chess?

 16. It's not hard to meet expenses . . . they're everywhere.

 17. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

 18. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter . .
       I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm hereafter.

 19. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

 20. DID I SEND THESE TO YOU BEFORE..........?????? 

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(That last one was from Tina Banco)

EVA