Saturday Silliness

Cletus& Billy Bob

Cletus is passing by Billy Bob 's hay barn one day when, through a gap in the door, he sees Billy Bob doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old John Deere tractor.

Buttocks clenched, he performs a slow pirouette, and gently slides off first the right strap of his overalls, followed by the left. He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move, lets his overalls fall down to his hips, revealing a torn and frayed plaid shirt.

Then, grabbing both sides of his shirt, he rips it apart to reveal his stained T-shirt underneath. With a final flourish, he tears the T-shirt from his body, and hurls his baseball cap onto a pile of hay.

Having seen enough, Cletus rushes in and says, "What the world're ya doing, Billy Bob ?"

"Good grief, Cletus, ya scared the bejeebers out of me," says an obviously embarrassed Billy Bob ..

"But me 'n the wife been havin trouble lately in the bedroom d'partment, and the therapist suggested I do something sexy to a tractor."

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One old guy says to his buddy, “Ya know, the world is getting all messed up. Every other day, you hear about someone else getting some debilitating disease. It’s too bad you don’t get a choice at which way you end up in life! What would you rather have, Parkinson's or Alzheimer's?" His buddy quickly replies, “Parkinson's, definitely, yep, Parkinson’s.  Better to spill half an ounce of good whiskey than to forget where you keep the bottle!!"

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In 1923, Who Was:   1. President of the largest steel company? 2. President of the largest gas company? 3. President of the New York stock Exchange? 4. Greatest wheat speculator? 5. President of the Bank of International Settlement? 6. Great Bear of Wall Street?   These men were considered some of the worlds most successful of their days.. Now, 80 years later, the history book asks us, if we know what ultimately became of them..    The Answers:   1. The president of the largest steel company. Charles Schwab, died a pauper.   2. The president of the largest gas company, Edward Hopson, went insane.  3. The president of the NYSE, Richard Whitney, was released from prison to die at home.  4. The greatest wheat speculator, Arthur Cooger, died abroad, penniless.  5. The president of the Bank of International Settlement,shot himself.  6 The Great Bear of Wall Street, Cosabee Livermore, also committed suicide   However, in that same year, 1923, the PGA Champion and the winner of the most important golf tournament, the US Open, was Gene Sarazen.   What became of him? He played golf until he was 92, died in 1999 at the age of 95. He was financially secure at the time of his death.   The Moral: Screw working.  Play golf.

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A man goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men.  In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her!   I'm going crazy.  What do you think I should do?"

"Relax," says the Doctor, "take a deep breath and calm down.  Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry's bar?" 

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John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully, "Give me one last request, dear," he said.

"Of course, John," his wife said softly.

"Six months after I die," he said, "I want you to marry Bob.."

"But I thought you hated Bob," she said.

With his last breath John said, "I do!"

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EVA