Saturday, February 23, 2013

Saturday Silliness

 the artist
English woman arrived at his house in a stretch limo and asked Paddy if he would paint her in the nude.

This being the first time anyone had made such a request, Paddy was a bit perturbed, particularly when the woman told him that money was no object; in fact, she was willing to pay up to $10,000.

Not wanting to get into any marital strife, Paddy asked her to wait while he went into the house to confer with Mary, his wife.

In a few minutes he returned. "T'would be me pleasure to paint yer portrait, missus," he said "The wife says it's okay.

"I'll paint ya in the nude alright, but I have to at least leave me socks on so I have a place to wipe me brushes."


 Chinese Wedding Night

A young Chinese couple gets married.  They met when she came to work in his Chinese Restaurant.
She's a virgin. Truth be told, he is a virgin too, but she doesn't know that.
On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband undresses in the darkness.

He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring.

'My darring,' he whispers, 'I know dis you firss time and you berry flighten.
I promise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting - juss
anyting you want.
You juss ask. Whatchu want?' he says, trying to sound experienced and
worldly, which he hopes will impress her.

A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly) for
her request.

She eventually shyly whispers back, 'I want to try something I have hear about
from odda girls... Numbaa 69.'

More thoughtful silence from him. Eventually, in a puzzled tone he asks her....

'You want....... garlic chicken wif snow peas?



Me and Leroy

A guy stopped at a local gas station and, after filling his tank, he

paid the bill and bought a soft drink.  He stood by his car to drink

his cola and watched a couple of men working along the roadside.

One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on.

The other man came along behind him and filled in the hole.  While

one was digging a new hole, the other was 25 feet behind filling in

the hole.  The men worked right past the guy with the soft drink

and went on down the road.

"I can't stand this," said the man, tossing the can into a trash
container and heading down the road toward the men.  "Hold it,

hold  it," he said to the men. "Can you tell me what's going on

here with all this digging and refilling?"

"Well, we work for the government and we're just doing our job," one
of the men said.

"But one of you is digging a hole and the other fills it up. You're not
accomplishing anything.  Aren't you wasting the taxpayers' money?"

"You don't understand, mister," one of the men said, leaning on his
shovel and wiping his brow. "Normally there's three of us: me, Elmer
and Leroy. I  dig the hole, Elmer sticks in the tree, and Leroy here
puts the dirt  back. Elmer's job's been cut... so now it's just me an'





River said...

garlic chicken with snow peas....I had to swallow my pepsi very fast so that I could laugh without spurting all over the keyboard.

Brian Miller said...

haha...a place to wipe my is some truth to that you know...smiles...garlic chicken...rofl...

Gail said...

Good ones. Thanks.

Jeannine Breton said...

OH EVA!! These are too funny. Thank goodness he wanted to leave his socks on, or he really would have been in

Stephen Hayes said...

When I painted nudes I always kept my socks on. Ha!

Alessandra said...

The Chinese and the hole people are a toss up as which one is funnier, I really like the vodka lady too, you're super funny!

Eddie Bluelights said...

Chuckle! Chuckle!
Loved the one about the job cut! Typical local authority logic - I would not put this past any of them who seem to have a complete vacuum between their ears!

Loved the Chinese couple one too.

Paula Jones said...

Maybe I should try that method to clean!! Enjoyed it as always! ~ Paula