Saturday, February 9, 2013

Saturday Silliness

   Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades.  Over the years, they had shared all kinds
of activities and adventures.  Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week 
to play cards.

One day they were playing cards and one said to the other, "Now don't get mad at me, I know we've 
been friends for a long, long time.  No matter how hard I think about it, I can't seem to remember your 
name.  Please tell me what your name is."

Her friend glared at her for at least 3 minutes, then she asked, "How soon do you need to know?"



An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, 'Seven Points.' 

His wife rolls over and says, 'What in the world was that?'   The old man replied, 'its fart football.' 

A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, 'Touchdown, tie score...' 

After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, 'Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7.' 

Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says, 'Touchdown, tie score.' 

Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, 'Field goal, I lead 17 to 14.' Now the pressure is on for the old man. 

He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard.

Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally poops in the bed. 

The wife says, 'What the hell was that?' 

The old man says, 'Half time, switch sides!'


A wealthy blonde buys a Ferrari and after two weeks returns to the dealership with a complaint.

"This car runs beautifully in the day time, but I can't get it to go anywhere at night," she explained.

The salesman gets in the car starts it up, drives it for a bit, and returns.   "I couldn't find anything wrong with it," he said.  "Are you sure you're using the right gears?"

"Of course I am!" she responded.  "I'm not stupid!  I put it in "D" for Day and "N" for Night!"




River said...

I hope I never forget my name!
I know! I'll just wear my work name badge everywhere after I turn eighty or so, just in case.

D for day and N for night is mind boggling. What does she think the P is for I wonder?

Jeannine Breton said...

omg...d for day..that picture looks just like her!!

forget my name, or yours scary!!

Brian Miller said...

half time...haha...hears that one before but its funny still...smiles...

happy saturday eva

Pat said...

And THAT my friends, is why I don't like football! Ha ha! KIDDING!

Good stuff!

"D" for day - "N" for night! Love it!

fishducky said...

The first joke is a good reason why you should always wear a name tag upside down, as I do.. That way, when I look at it to see my name, it's rightside up & readable for me!!

Stephen Hayes said...

'Half time, switch sides!' Very funny. I must remember this, not that this has ever happened to me...yet!

Sue said...

The first one is my favorite!


rosaria williams said...

I'm sure we do not know any one like these folks...

Eddie Bluelights said...

I must remember never to change sides ROFL.

Really loved all these Eva - thanks for the laughs.

Rosemary Nickerson said...

switch sides????????? groan!