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Saturday, March 16, 2013

Saturday Silliness

Victims of the Sequestration?



A sweet old couple, both well into their 70's, go to a sex therapist's office.

The doctor asks, 'What can I do for you?' 

The man says, 'Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?' 

The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking 
for sexual advice that he agrees. When the couple finishes, the doctor says, 'There's absolutely
 nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse..'

He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them $50 and he says
 good bye. 

The next week, the same couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex
 therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees.

This happens several weeks in a row.  The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse
 with no problems, pays the doctor, then leave.

Finally, after 3 months of this routine, the doctor says, 'I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Just what 
are you trying to find out?'

The man says, 'We're not trying to find out anything. She's married; so we can't go to her house.
I'm married; and we can't go to my house.  The Holiday Inn charges $98. The Hilton charges $139.
We do it here for $50, and Medicare pays $43 of it, leaving my net cost of $7.  
We have to stay within our budget!

***************************************


Priorities



A woman was taking her time browsing through everything at a friend's yard sale, 
and said to her, "My husband is going to be very angry I stopped at a yard 
sale." 
 
 "I'm sure he'll understand when you tell him about all the bargains you found," 
her friend replied. 
 
 "Normally, yes," she said. "But he just broke his leg, and he's waiting for me 
to take him to the hospital to have it set." 
 

*******************************


Cheap Cooling



A man died and went to heaven, where he met St. Peter sitting at a desk in the 
middle of a great hall. On the walls were millions of clocks. "What are those 
used for?" he asked.

 St. Peter said, "There's one of them for every living person on Earth ticking out the 
days of their lives." 
 
 The newcomer noticed that the hands of some of the clocks were moving faster 
than others. "Why do they move at different speeds," he asked.  
 
St. Peter said, "Every time you tell a lie you lose one hour of your life and 
your clock speeds up."  
 
The newcomer looked around and then asked, "Do you have one of these for my 
congressman?"  
 
St. Peter answered, "Sure! It's in the back room. We use it for a ceiling fan." 
 

*********************************
Wishful Thinking



A young man walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check.  He marched up to the counter and said, "Hi.  You know, I just hate drawing welfare.  I'd really rather have a job.  I don't like taking advantage of the system. . .getting something for nothing."

The social worker behind the counter said, "Your timing is excellent.  We just got a job opening from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter.  You'll have to drive her around in his Mercedes, and he will supply all of your clothes.  Because of the long hours, meals will be provided.

You will also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips.  This is rather awkward to say, but you will also be expected to satisfy her sexual needs, and as a 23-year-old she has a rather strong sex drive.'

The guy, just plain wide-eyed said, "You're bullshitting me!"

The social worker said, "Yes, but you started it!"

'
********************************

EVA

13 comments:

Brian Miller said...

well yard sales are important you know...haha...um, $50 that is a steal...especially when you can get medicade to chip in...hmmm...lol

Jeannine Breton said...

Good ones Eva, I love the therapists......lol

Gail said...

You are the icing on my week's cake!

Al Penwasser said...

And, if Medicare picks up the tab, score!

Yamini MacLean said...

Hari OM
Oh I do look forward to Saturdays at Eva's place!! &>

Charlotte Crawley said...

Good laughs. Happy St. Patrick's Day.

Alessandra said...

The welfare guy was the best....Thanks for the laughs, as usual.. :)

River said...

Oh my God! The ceiling fan one made me laugh so loud, I'm sure I scared the neighbours.
I love the old coupe watching their budget too. Paid by Medicare to have sex!

Paula Jones said...

hahaha!!!! LOVE the Yard Sale one!

Pat said...

The garage sale joke reminds me of the bumper sticker, "I brake for garage sales!"

Love the ceiling fan one, too!

Sue said...

Loved the ceiling fan one!

=)

Pearl said...

The yard sale one reminds me: I used to have a boyfriend who broke his leg as a teenager. His mother drove him to the doctor -- but stopped at a hardware store on her way there!

Pearl

Barbara Morden said...

Too funny, I enjoyed your post and look forward to following! Thanks for stopping by my blog from SITS!