Followers

Saturday, May 4, 2013

Saturday Silliness

Sobriety Test?


An Arkansas State Trooper pulled a car over on I-40 about 20 miles South of the Arkansas/Oklahoma Stateline. When the Trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver said he was a Magician and Juggler and was on his way to Fort Smith, AR to do a show at the Shrine Circus. He didn't want to be late.

The Trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling and said if the driver would do a little juggling for him then he wouldn't give him a ticket. He told the Trooper he had sent his equipment ahead and didn't have anything to juggle.

The Trooper said he had some flares in the trunk and asked if he could juggle them. The juggler said he could, so the trooper got five flares, lit them and handed them to him.

While the man was juggling, a car pulled in behind the patrol car. A drunken good old boy from Ozark, AR got out, watched the performance, then went over to the patrol car, opened the rear door and got in. The Trooper observed him and went over to the patrol car, opened the door asking the drunk what he thought he was doing.

The drunk replied, “You might as well take my ass to jail, cause there ain't no way I can pass that test.”

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EMBARRASSING MEDICAL EXAMS

At the beginning of my  shift, I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf 
females patient's anterior chest wall.

"Big breaths," I instructed.

"Yes, they used to be, replied the patient.

Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA

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While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you
 been bedridden?"

After a look of complete confusion, she answered, "Why not for about 20 years, 
when my husband was alive."

Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR

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I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning, and while checking up on a
 man I asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?"

"It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly.  I can't seen ti get used to the taste,"
 Bob replied.

Then I asked to see the jelly and Bob produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."

Submitted by Dr. Leonard Krnsdorf, Detroit, MI

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A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair
styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange 
clothing entered.  

It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was 
scheduled for immediate surgery.  While she was completely disrobed on the 
operating table,  the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green and 
above it there was a tattoo that read,  "Keep off the Grass."

Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's 
dressing which said, "Sorry. . . had to mow the lawn."

Submitted by RN, no name given.


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As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite embarrassed when 
performing female pelvic exams.  To cover my embarrassment, I had unconsciously 
formed a habit of whistling softly.

The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst 
out laughing and further embarrassing me.  I looked up from my work and
 sheepishly said, "I'm sorry.  Was I tickling you?"

She replied with tears running down her cheeks from laughing so hard, 

"No, Doctor, but the song your were whistling was, 'I wish I were an
 Oscar Mayer Wiener.'"


Dr. wouldn't submit his name...

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A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the
 doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.

The doctor arrived and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a 
little concerned asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.

"Breast-fed" the woman replied.

"Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered.  She did.  He pinched her 
nipples, pressed, kneaded and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very
 professional and detailed examination.

Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, "No wonder this baby is
 underweight.  You don't have any milk."

"I know," she said.  "I'm his grandma, but I'm glad I came."

Source Unknown.

*********************************************************


EVA

  
 


11 comments:

River said...

Ha Ha! I love the Grandma with the baby and the appendicitis ones. The KY jelly had me rolling my eyes.

Merlesworld said...

Very funny you made my night, I needed a good laugh.
Merle........

Brian Miller said...

i wish i were an oscar meyer weiner....hahahaha...well no covering embarassment there...smiles.

Jeannine Breton said...

Ha, Ha, funny ones Eva.....OMG.....the ky jelly!

Stephen Hayes said...

I couldn't pass a juggling test either.

Paula Jones said...

You're the best!! love these!!

Alessandra said...

The drs ones are the best, I can only imagine all the stuff they hear....lol

Sue said...

haha

KY jelly one was my fave.

=)

Unknown Mami said...

That would be a hilarious sobriety test.

Vicki Valenta said...

The Oscar Mayer wiener one had both my husband and me laughing out loud.

Kelley said...

Ha! That is hilarious about the drunken good ol' boy and the flares!