Friday, June 28, 2013

Exposing Victoria's Secret!

We need a more mature version of Victoria’s Secret. There should be a retail outlet where those of us who do not have the body of a Playboy centerfold can shop for pretty undies with confidence. Just because our boobs are more bountiful than bodacious, and our fannies are more flagrant than fetching, doesn’t mean we want to cover them in common cotton! Are satin and silk only available in small swatches?

I propose a ”Big Booty Boutique;”
A store with yards of lace and satin so sleek,
And generously-sized lingerie that holds everything in—
With funhouse mirrors that make us look thin!
A store where never, never would a clerk
Smaller than a size 26 be hired to work!

At the door they would greet us grandly
With lots of champagne and Lindt Chocolate candy:
They would coo, “ooh” and “ah” at how lovely we look
As they hurried to help us with each snap and hook.
The only problem would be, when we got home and took stock
Of ourselves in the mirror, we’d be in for a shock! 




River said...

The poem is good, but the pictures are hilarious. We have a few big is beautiful type stores out here that sell plus sized clothing including underwear, I'm not sure the lingerie is on a par with Victoria's Secret though, it's probably more functional than "ravish me now". There are satins and laces, but I quite like my comfy old cotton stuff.

Brian Miller said...

big booty boutique...smiles..hey we all want to feel sexy no matter our size...right? i hear you...

Pat said...

Count me in! I'm tired of crawling on my hands and knees looking for a bra in my size because they keep the big sizes on the bottom rungs so they don't pull down the whole rack! That's bullcrap! Love the poem, love the photos!

Yamini MacLean said...

Hari OM
Oh yeah! As River has said, OZ is quite good at the plus size stuffs and when I was in Edinburgh prior to my Indian transfer, my sister directed me to a rather discreetly tucked away shop which catered beautifully - pretty much as you describe in your poem!

Really good thing was though, that the mirrors told the truth and even tho' the girls were slime and half my age, the were spot on with their picks for me. In the preceeding 40 years of needing such supportive equipment I don't think I have ever had such a positive buying experience. So fun as your post is - it absolutely hits the mark. THANKS!! Have a great weekend (no pun intended.) YAM xx

Yamini MacLean said...

----oooops.. the girls were SLIM... not slime!! apologies YAM

Organized Island said...

So true! I would love to see a store like this. My booty is surely not getting any smaller :/

The Dose of Reality said...

YES!!! I am fully on board, Eva!! I swear you could open a place like this and just sit back and count your piles and piles of money. I'd be your first customer!! --Lisa

Eva Gallant said...

River: Truth be told, I lean to cotton most of the time myself!

Brian: Well, yeah!

Pat: Glad you liked them!

Yamini: Glad to read the girls were slim and not "slime!' lol

Orgainized: I think it's a hazard of getting older!

fishducky said...


Merlesworld said...

We can dream can't we.

Tez said...

But where did you get that picture of me? Maybe I have a doppelganger in your part of the world. If so, tell her I understand. :-) :-) :-)