Friday, June 14, 2013

Freaky Friday

Searching the Stores for a Swimsuit

It’s swimsuit time, Oh my.  I can hardly wait to try
My luck at finding a bathing suit that doesn’t make me cry.
I’ll tug and pull and suck everything in,
Which is bound to increase my double chin!

Once piece or two, chartreuse or ecru;
Multi-color or plain blue?
Pick a modest tank suit or bikini,
Or the latest, “Tankini?”

This much I know
(The mirror told me so!):
This butt does not belong
In anything like a thong!

The choices are many
But I doubt that there’s any
Shapes or color dyes
That can flatter thunder thighs!

What would work for me
Is something shoulder to knee—
This plump Baby Boomer
Needs a swimdress with bloomer!

Since such a suit can’t be found,
And I looked all around,
With last year’s suit I’ll stay
And call it a day!

an original poem by EVA Gallant


The Dose of Reality said...

Hahahahahahahahaha. LOVE this ode to the swimsuit! It's so, so true! Thanks for the laugh as we head into the weekend! Perfect! --Lisa

River said...

The dreaded swimsuit shop. I'd go for a one piece or a tankini in a multi colour, in a size that doesn't require any sucking in of anything. Last year when my doctor recommended swimming, I had to go and buy a suit but it was later in the season and all I could find was a black one piece in a size too small. I told myself I'd probably lose weight and it will fit better next summer, but I don't think that will happen. That is a great poem!

Eva Gallant said...

Lisa: Glad I gave you a chuckle!

River: I know the feeling!

fishducky said...

Funny stuff--just as I expected!! (& I stole your wigglebelly picture.)

Yamini MacLean said...

Hari OM
COL - have decided, despite all early adventures in water, never to wear a bathing suit again. T-shirt and shorts it is then... Great ditty Eva - have a lovely weekend. YAM xx

R. J. said...

So, so true!!!I want to meet that woman who loves swimsuit shopping and smack her.

Brian Miller said...

ha. see i just dont bother with the whole swim suit, but i love your poetry eva...have a wonderful weekend

Stephen Hayes said...

A fun and entertaining poem. It's been a while but i still recall Mrs. Chatterbox's dread over swimsuit season.

Eva Gallant said...

Fishducky: Glad you liked it and hope you find good use for wiggle belly!

Yamini: You may be on to something!

R.J.: Smack her one for me, too!

Brian: Like I said--You write poetry; I write ditties!

Stephen: It's a chore from hell!

Jeannine Breton said...

Ha,ha.....I like Stevens comment...true!!!!

Al Penwasser said...

When I lived in Maine, I never needed to worry if my bathing suit was too tight at the store. The minute I stepped in the water up there, my testicles immediately jumped inside my body. Presto! More room.

Eva Gallant said...

Jeannine: Sad, but true.

Al: As usual, your wit shows through! I think on Seinfeld, they called it "shrinkage."

Jayne Martin said...

Oh, you clever gal. :) And the horrendous lighting in the dressing rooms doesn't make it any easier either.

Patsy Paterno said...

My first time here. Hello from the Philippines, Eva! Love your poem! I'm 57 and I can relate so well! Haven't bought a swimsuit in ages! The last one had a little skirt and I loved it. But a little skirt won't hide anything these days! :^) Keep wrestling! patsy

Eva Gallant said...

Jayne: Now if I had your size 4 butt, I'd parade around in a swimsuit all the time!

Patsy: Thanks so much for stopping by! Hope you make it a habit!

RxMomKc said...

Have you tried Lands'End swimsuits? They have a good selection in plus sizes. Be sure to choose one with an X back. They offer great support. The Tankinis are terrific. Mix and match tops and bottoms. I bought 2 tops with matching swim mini skirts plus an additional swim mini skirt in black to mix and match. They are very well made, so allow extra time for air drying.
They are not cheap, but are good quality. And honestly, I would pay a week's salary to find a cute swimsuit that fit well and didn't make me look like a manatee. Good luck!

Paula Jones said...

You're too fun and very, very talented!

Pat said...

I think the best way to go swimsuit shopping is when you're drunk. This suit makes my butt look big? Who cares! Giggle? My boobs are hanging out? So what? Giggle! See what I mean?

I just recommend a designated driver!

Loved the poem!

Sue said...


Needless to say, I can relate!