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Saturday, June 1, 2013

Saturday Silliness




Jack feared his wife Carol wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid.

Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem.    

The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.

'Here's what you do,' said the Doctor, 'stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.'

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was In the den. He says to himself, 'I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens.'Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

No response.

So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, 'Carol, what's for dinner?'

Still no response.

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his Wife and asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

Again he gets no response.

So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

Again there is no response.

So he walks right up behind her. 'Carol, what's for dinner?' 


'For God’s sake, Jack, for the FIFTH time, CHICKEN!' 

*******************************




A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man 
standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink 
envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and 
starts spraying scent all over them. 
 
His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks 
him what he is doing. The man says, "I'm sending out one thousand Valentine 
cards signed, 'Guess who?'" 
 
"But why?" asks the man. 
 
"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.  

******************************



A priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut . The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. 

He says, 'Sir, have you been drinking?'

'Just water,' says the priest.

The trooper says, 'Then why do I smell wine?'

The priest looks at the bottle and says, 'Good Lord! He's done it again!'


**************************
The Perfect Password A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, and at the appropriate point in the process, the computer advised him that he would now need to enter a password.
Something he will use to log on.  
The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention.
So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife what he was entering by stating each letter out loud as he typed: P...E...N...I....S
  
His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:  PASSWORD REJECTED.
NOT LONG ENOUGH 

*********************

EVA

10 comments:

Brian Miller said...

haha...ahem...size jokes...

the water to wine one is funny...gonna tell pastor that one tomorrow....smiles.

Yamini MacLean said...

Hari Om
Man I look forward to Saturdays at Eva's place!!! LOL. Have a great weekend. YAM xx

fishducky said...

Loved these!!

Gail said...

Thank you!

Eva Gallant said...

Brian: Hope your pastor has a sense of humor!

Yamini: I'm so glad you keep coming back!

fishducky: Glad if I gave you a chuckle!

Gail: You are welcome!

Alessandra said...

I was looking for your post, if it's Saturday, it's time for a laugh with Eva. Love the password one..:)

River said...

Laughed at the password joke, that's hilarious. I love Saturdays here.

Merlesworld said...

Very good jokes, thanks for cheering me up.
Merle.......

Eva Gallant said...

Alessandra: I'm so glad you look forward to my Saturdays!

River: I hope you keep returning!

Merle: It was my pleasure!

Sue said...

Every one of these was hilarious, but I think I liked the first one best of all.

Where do you find them???

=)