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Saturday, June 29, 2013

Saturday Silliness




THE NIGHT NURSE

A very tired nurse walks into a bank, totally exhausted after an 16-hour shift. Preparing to write a check, she pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse and tries to write with it.
 
When she realizes her mistake, she looks at the flabbergasted teller, and without missing a beat, she says:'Well, that's great....that's just great..........some ass hole's got my pen!'

***********************************


---WHY CONDOMS COME IN BOXES OF 3, 6, AND 12
A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. 
They happen to walk by the condom display, and the 
Boy asks, 'What are these, Dad?' 
To which the man matter-of-factly replies, 'Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex.''
Oh I see,' replied the boy.' Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school.' 


He looks over the display and picks up a Package of 3 and asks, ' 
Why are there 3 in this package?' The dad replies, 
'Those are for high schoolboys, one for Friday, one for Saturday, and one For Sunday.'

Cool' says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, 
'Then who are these for?' Those are for college men,' the dad answers,
'TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday and TWO for Sunday.'

'WOW!' exclaimed the boy, 'then who uses THESE?' he asks, picking up a 12Pack. 
With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied, 
'Those are for Married men. One for January, one for February, one for March........'
***********************





DEAD GIVEAWAY!

Patton staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Kathleen. 

He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.

Managing not to yell, Patton sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.

He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed..

In the morning, Patton woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Kathleen staring at him from across the room.

She said, 'You were drunk again last night weren't you?'

Patton said, 'Why you say such a mean thing?'

'Well,' Kathleen said, 'it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly ....... it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror."


*************************


EVA 

14 comments:

River said...

Love the condom story! And poor Paddy, or was it the other one? with all the bandaids

Brian Miller said...

one for each month...lol...
i think i might just whither up and die at that point...smiles

Gail said...

Thanks.

Yamini MacLean said...

Hari Om
Cackle time again! It was out loud at the last one. Cheers!! YAM xx

fishducky said...

Still another successful stab at the Saturday Silliness series, sister!!

Stephen Hayes said...

Mrs. C. and I had a good laugh over "Night Nurse" and I can't wait to share it with my mom.

Charlotte Crawley said...

Great Saturday humor--Thanks

Charlotte Crawley said...

Great Saturday humor--Thanks

Merlesworld said...

I what a hoot,I love the one about the guy putting band aids all over the mirror.
Merle......

Jeannine Breton said...

Well, it took me all day to get here----gottta love the night nurse ! and of course the father and son....

Eva Gallant said...

River: Glad you liked them!

Brian; Old age is just around the corner! lol

Gail: You're welcome!

Yamini: Cackle away!

fishducky: I see someone else is fond of alliteration!

Stephen: Always glad to give you a laugh!

Charlotte: You are so welcome!

Merle: Gotta' say that's my favorite, too!

Jeannine: Glad you made it!

Tez said...

Loved the band aid joke. I can just see the deadpan face and hear the wife's voice. Hilarious. Thank you, Eva, you're a gem!

Eva Gallant said...

Thanks, Tez!

Eva Gallant said...

Thanks, Tez