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Saturday, July 6, 2013

Saturday Silliness


A woman went to a pet store and immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot.  There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.

"Why so little?" she asked the pet store owner.

The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should ell you first that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution, and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."

The woman thought about this, but decided
 she had to
have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird's
cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something.

The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said,
"New house, new madam."


The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, 
but then thought "that's really not so bad." 

When her two teenage daughters returned from school, 
the bird saw them and said, "New house, new madam, new girls."

The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then 
began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised.

Moments later, the woman's husband Keith came home from work.
The bird looked at him and said,

"Hi Keith."

**************************************
Wise Italian Grandfather-
 
An old Italian man in Brooklyn is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside, "Guido, I wan' you lissina me. I wan' you to take-a my chrome plated 38 revolver so you will always remember me."

 "But grandpa, I really don't like guns. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?"

 "You lissina me, boy! Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos. "

"Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man. "Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, 'Times up!' "?


*************************
The Afterlife?


Three women die together in an accident And go to heaven.

When they get there, St. Peter says, 'We only have one rule here in heaven:
Don't step on the ducks!'

So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place.
It is almost impossible not to step on a duck; And although they try their best to avoid them,
The first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.St. Peter chains them together and says,
'Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to
spend eternity chained to this ugly man!'


The next day,
 the second woman steps accidentally on a duck. And along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing.
With him is another extremely ugly man.
He chains them together
With the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this;
and not wanting to be chained
For all eternity to an ugly man, is very,
VERY careful where she steps.

She manages to go months
without stepping on any ducks,
then
one day St.Peter comes up to her
With the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on
.... Very tall, long eyelashes, muscular.





St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The happy woman says,
'I wonder what I did to deserve being
chained to you for all of eternity?'

The guy says,
'I don't know about you,
But I stepped on a
Duck.  



***********************

EVA

10 comments:

Gail said...

Again...thank you.

Brian Miller said...

haha he stepped on a duck....smiles...ah, now that says something...happy saturday eva

Al Penwasser said...

The duck one was a quack up!

Yamini MacLean said...

Hari Om
and Oh My Duck!!!

Eva Gallant said...

Gail: It was my pleasure!

Brian: Right back at you, Brian!

Al: A witty response, as usual!

Yamini: Watch where you step!

rosaria williams said...

Oh yes, in stitches the whole time.

fishducky said...

I liked the others, but what's funny about stepping on ducks? OUCH!!

Merlesworld said...

Love it and I will never step on a duck, or marry a Keith.
Merle.......

Eva Gallant said...

rosaria: hope you didn't pop a stitch!

fishducky: whoops! nothing personal!

Merle: Good plan!

Sue said...

First and third one rocked it!

=)