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Saturday, August 10, 2013

Saturday Silliness


Skinny Dipping: 
 
An elderly man in Florida had owned a large farm for several years. He 
had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he
 fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some orange,
 and lime trees. 
 
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't
been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket 
to bring back some fruit. 
 
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. 
As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping 
in his pond. 
 
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. 
One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!' The 
old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or 
you get out of the pond naked.. 
 
Holding the bucket up, he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator.' 
 
Some old men can still think fast!!!  

**********************


Her minister told an eighty-year-old woman that, at her age, she should be giving some thought to what he called “the hereafter.” She said to him, “I think about it many times a day.”

“Oh, really?” said the minister. “That is very wise.”

“It’s not a matter of wisdom,” she replied. “It’s when I open a drawer or a closet, I ask myself, ‘What am I here after?’”

*******************

A man was in his front yard mowing grass, when his neighbor, Judy, came out of 
her house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it, then slammed it shut 
and stormed back into the house. 
 
 A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mail box, and again 
opened it and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went. 
 
 As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to 
the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever. 
 
 Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?" 
 
 To which she replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps saying, 
YOU'VE GOT MAIL!"

*****************


   An old man and woman were married for many years.          Whenever there was a confrontation, yelling could be heard deep  into the night.          The old man would shout: "When I die, I will dig my way up and  out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"          Neighbors feared him. The old man liked the fact that he was  feared.          To everyone's relief, he died of a heart attack when he was 98.          His wife had a closed casket at the funeral.          After the burial, her neighbors, concerned for her safety,  asked: "Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way out  of the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life?"         The wife said, "Let him dig.  I had him buried upside down, and  I know he won't ask for directions."
**************************
EVA

8 comments:

Brian Miller said...

hehe...hope i stay quick enough to think of feeding the alligators....smiles.

Yamini MacLean said...

Hari Om
COL - you've got mail... it contains directoins!!! Hhahahahahhhahah.. Oh Eva, you make my Saturday evenings! YAM xx

River said...

"here to feed the alligator", what a cheeky old man!

Judy? oh dear...

That's a savvy old lady, burying her husband upside down!

Stephen Hayes said...

Love the fact that she buried him upside down, even though I"M the one asking for directions when we drive somewhere.

fishducky said...

LOVED the last one!!

Alessandra said...

ah ah, u crack me up..as usual. The mail one was great! :)

Eva Gallant said...

Brian: I expect you'd be plenty quick!

Yamini: thanks for the kind words and for being such a fan!

River: I agree!

Stephen: I suspect you are the exception to the rule!

fishducky: Glad you liked it!

Alessandra: Glad I can still tickle your funny bone!

Sue said...

haha

I can relate to the hereafter thing...

;)