Saturday, November 23, 2013

Saturday Silliness

Little Tim was in the garden filling in a 
hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. 
Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to,
he politely asked, "What'cha doing, Tim?" 
"My goldfish died" replied the boy tearfully, 
without looking up. "I've just buried him." 
The neighbor was concerned. "That's an awful
 big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" 
Tim patted down the last heap of earth, 
then replied, "That's because he's inside 
your dumb cat." 

A man suffered a serious heart attack while  shopping in a store.
The  store clerk called 911 when they saw him collapse to the  floor.
The  paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had 

emergency open  heart bypass surgery.
He  awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care 

of nuns at  the Catholic  Hospital. A nun was seated next to 
his bed holding a  clipboard loaded  with several forms, and 
a pen. She asked him how he was going  to pay  for his treatment.
"Do  you have health insurance?" she asked.
He replied in  a raspy voice, "No health insurance."
The nun asked,  "Do you have money in the bank?"
He replied, "No  money in the bank."
Do you have a relative who could  help you with 

the payments?" asked the irritated  nun.
He said, "I only have a spinster sister, 

and  she is a nun."
The nun became agitated and announced  loudly,

"Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to  God."
The patient replied, "Perfect. Send the bill  to my brother-in-law."


An old man, Mr. Wallace, was living in a nursing home. One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed.
Nurse Tracy asked him if there was anything wrong. 'Yes, Nurse Tracy ,' said Mr. Wallace. 'My Private Part died today, and I am very sad.'
Knowing her patients were a little forgetful and sometimes a little crazy, she replied, 'Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Wallace. Please accept my sincere condolences.'
The following day, Mr. Wallace was walking down the hall with his Private Part hanging out of his pajamas.
He met Nurse Tracy. 'Mr. Wallace,' she said, 'You shouldn't be walking down the hall like that. Please put your Private Part back inside your pajamas.'
'But, Nurse Tracy I can't,' replied Mr. Wallace. 'I told you yesterday that my Private Part died.'
'Yes,' said Nurse Tracy , 'you did tell me that, but why is it hanging out of your pajamas?'
(You're gonna love this.)..
'Well,' he replied, 'Today is the viewing.'


A guy and a girl meet at a bar They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place.  A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands. He then takes off his trousers and again washes his hands.

The girl has been watching him and says:  You must be a dentist." The guy, surprised, says: "Yes .... How did you figure that out?"

"Easy.." she replies, "you keep washing your hands."

One thing leads to another and they make love.  After it's over the girl says: "You must be a good dentist."  The guy, now with an inflated ego, says:  "Sure - I'm a good dentist. How did you figure that out?"

The girl replies:....

I didn't feel a thing."




Lazarus said...

All were very funny, thanks Eva!

fishducky said...

Thanks for the morning laughs, Eva!!

Stephen Hayes said...

The nun story and the dentist story really made me chuckle. Thanks.

River said...

"Send the bill to my brother-in-law"
That's GOLD!! Sending it to everyone I know. Laughed at the private part viewing too.

A Beer For The Shower said...

These were great! I love the private part "viewing!"

The Dose of Reality said...

I didn't feel a thing...BWAHAHAHAHAHA. That one got me! LOVE IT!! Hahahahahaha --Lisa

Brian Miller said...

ha. on a cold and rainy day, the laughs are warming...

how is mt eva doing?