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Saturday, November 9, 2013

Saturday Silliness



The Blonde Mortician

A man who'd just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.

The female blond mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.

The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the Blond mortician a blank check and says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'

The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly...

She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied.. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?'
 

To her astonishment, the blond mortician presents her with the blank check.

'There's no charge,' she says.

'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!' she says.

'Honestly, ma'am,' the blond says, 'it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.'

'So I just switched the heads.'

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Adam and Eve

One day while walking through the Garden of Eden, Adam looked up to the Heavens and spoke to God. "Father this place is great, but there is one thing missing".

"What is that my son", God answered.

"Well it would be nice to have a mate, I'm awfully lonely down here and all the other animal have mates but me. All I'm asking for is a creature more beautiful than the Garden, one who has a sex drive like mine, never has a headache and one who will cook, clean and be at my beckon call morning, noon and night." said Adam.

"Wow that's a tall order, but I have just such a creature in mind, but it's going to cost you". said God.

"Oh yeah, how much?" said Adam

"An arm and a leg." replied God.

Adam thought this over for quite some time and then asked "Well, what can I get for a rib?"

(courtesy of fishducky)
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EVA

7 comments:

Brian Miller said...

heh. adam sold us all a bit short...smiles.

happy saturday eva

Jeannine Breton said...

OMG. ! Great ones Eva. Been a while visiting any blogs.

fishducky said...

Thanks for the chuckles!!

Al Penwasser said...

Now that mortician one was hilarious!
P.S. I know how that baby feels.

Merlesworld said...

The world is a funny place.
Merle .........................

Stephen Hayes said...

Thanks for the laughs. That mortician joke really got my funny bone.

River said...

So Adam was a cheapskate?
Laughed at the poor incontinence guy...