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Wednesday, January 30, 2013

WTF Wednesday

Well, once again, there are happenings in the world that just cause me to scratch my head and ask "What the f*ck?" and of course I have to share these things with you!



Small Target?

In Trinidad, a man has been charged with illegal possession of a firearm after having accidentally shot off his own penis.  Apparently, the gun was in his pocket and "discharged prematurely" while he was sitting in his car.  I suppose the NRA would advise that all penises be armed with guns to prevent this happening again!

***************



Chicken Wing Shortage?
Two men in Georgia have been charged with the theft of $65,000 worth of chicken wings from a cold storage facility in Doraville, according to local police.  The worst part is, the super bowl looms on the horizon, and police have no idea where the wings were stashed.  My bet is they flew the coop!  

************************
Older is Better?

In Connecticut, a 71-year-old woman has been arrested on prostitution charges in a Glastonbury Hotel. She had been running an ad advertising her services as an escort named "Lola" in the classified section of Backpage.com.    Her ad read:  "Older is Better … A well preserved beauty. All natural and busty 38DD. Sexy, fit, warm and friendly."

I knew nothing good would come from cuts to medicare and social security!

*************************


X-Rated Murder Attempt

A Brazilian woman has been accused of coating her "lady parts" with poison and then trying to murder her husband by seducing him into performaing oral sex on her.  He thought her hoo-hah had an unusual odor and took her to the hospital, where more than her plot was uncovered.  Doctors detected the poison, and now her husband is suing her. 

 The whole story smells fishy to me!

*****************
Note:  the above stories are real and came from the Huffington Post.
**********************************
EVA

Sunday, January 27, 2013

Silent Sunday

My sister's grandson Tanner celebrates his first birthday!









Happy Birthday, Tanner!

EVA


Saturday, January 26, 2013

Saturday Silliness

Here’s a real New England LOVE STORY!


George and Aggie lived on the cove just past Lewiston Tickle out on the peninsula. It was early winter and the lower portion of the cove had frozen over. George asked Aggie if she would walk across the frozen part of the cove to the general store and get him some smokes and beer. 
She asked him for some money, but he told her, "Nah, just put it on our tab, old man Stacey won't mind."

So Aggie walked across the ice, got the smokes and beer at the store and then walked back home across the cove. When she got home and gave George his smokes and his beer, she asked him, "George, you always tells me not to run up the tab at Stacey's store. Why didn't you just give me some money?"

George replied, "Well, Aggie, girl, I didn't want to send you out there with cash when I wasn't sure how thick the ice was yet!"

*********************************
Mule Trading



Curtis & Leroy saw an ad in the Starkville Daily in Starkville, MS. and bought a mule for $100.
The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day.
The next morning the farmer drove up and said,"Sorry, fellows, I have some bad news, the mule died last night."
Curtis & Leroy replied,"Well, then just give us our money back."
The farmer said,"Can't do that. I went and spent it already."
They said, "OK then, just bring us the dead mule."
The farmer asked, "What in the world ya'll gonna do with a dead mule?"
Curtis said, "We gonna raffle him off."
The farmer said, "You can't raffle off a dead mule!"
Leroy said, "We shore can! Heck, we don't hafta tell nobody he's dead!"
A couple of weeks later, the farmer ran into Curtis & Leroy at the Piggly Wiggly grocery store and asked.
"What'd you fellers ever do with that dead mule?"
They said,"We raffled him off like we said we wuz gonna do."
Leroy said,"Shucks, we sold 500 tickets fer two dollars apiece and made a profit of $998."

The farmer said,"My Lord, didn't anyone complain?" 


Curtis said, "Well, the feller who won got upset. So we gave him his two dollars back."

Curtis and Leroy now work for the government.

They're overseeing the Bailout & Stimulus Programs.


Limit all U.S. politicians to two Terms.

One in office
One in prison
 ********************************

Dinner at an old friends home
An elderly lady was invited to an old friends home for dinner one evening. She was impressed by the way her lady friend preceded every request to her husband with endearing terms such as: Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, etc. The couple had been married almost 70 years and, clearly, they were still very much in love.
While the husband was in the living room, her lady friend leaned over to her hostess to say, 'I think it's wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your husband all those loving names.'
 The elderly lady hung her head, 'I have to tell you the truth,' she said, 'his name slipped my mind about 10 years ago, and I'm scared to death to ask the cranky old fart what his name is.'



*************************************

MISSING!




Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning. Ethel noticed

something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, “Mabel, do you know you've got a

suppository in your left ear?”

Mabel answered, “I have a suppository in my ear?” She pulled it out and stared at it.

Then she said, “Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where to find my

hearing aid.”

*******************************

EVA 

Friday, January 25, 2013

Flaunting Fiction Friday

Below is an excerpt from my Kindle book, "Welcome to Singles Night."  

Chapter 2 
                 "Listen, a gang of us are going to HoJo's after the dance for breakfast. Are you in?"
          "Sure, why not?" Sandy responded.  She didn't really care one way or the other, but since she had ridden to Country Connections with Ginger, she felt obligated to go, or Ginny would have to drive out of her way to drop Sandy off at her apartment first.
          The band was starting up again, and within a few minutes, Mark was back asking if she wanted to dance again.  She nodded agreement; the chances of being heard over the music were pretty slim.  They moved out among the other dancers, and this time she felt a little more comfortable.  Maybe it was the beer, or maybe it was Mark, but she actually was having a good time.  They danced several times, and chatted some during the band's next break.  She learned he was divorced, an accountant, and the non-custodial father of a 14-year-old girl named Mandy.
           Sandy had another beer while they were chatting, and when the music started up again, she finished her drink and followed Mark back out onto the dance floor.  She was feeling more relaxed and comfortable, mostly because she was really enjoying dancing. The effects of the beer were minimal, because she was eating cheese and crackers, dancing, and perspiring in the summer evening's warmth.
         When the band played its final number, Mark did what most men do:  he offered to drive a drunken lady home. She was normally silly and giggly when sober, so he was assuming she was quite inebriated at this point, when she was barely buzzed.  On impulse, she agreed and whispered to Ginger that she would see her at HoJo's.  Ginny had already invited three people along with her, so she had no problem with Sandy making other arrangements.
           Mark walked her to his car, and opened the door on the passenger side for her.  Once he was seated behind the wheel and had started the engine, they left the parking lot and pulled out onto the highway.  Country C0nnections was not yet out of sight when he turned to her and with amazing originality said, "Your place or mine?"
         "How about Howard Johnson's" she countered. He was not delighted, but to HoJo's they went.  Over English muffins and steaming cups of coffee, he tried the intellectual approach.
         "One hundred years from now, what's it going to matter if you and I went to bed tonight?"  He removed his glasses--apparently, Mark was in the habit of removing his glasses when making a pitch.
          "You may be right, Mark,”  Sandy said.  “One hundred years from now, probably no one will care.  But I care, now, tonight, and I am saying, no, I don't want to sleep with you."  With a man like Mark, who was quick to get right to the point, there was no sense beating around the bush.
           "But, I'll tell you: It would be over in seconds the first time," Mark went on. "I'd spend the next 20 minutes apologizing, and then. . ."
            "No way, Mark."
             He paid the check, left a tip for the waitress, and they went outside.  Again, he opened the passenger door for her, walked around the vehicle, and climbed in on the driver's side behind the wheel.  Mark was not to be easily discouraged.  He started the engine, then turned and grabbed her. He planted a kiss on Sandy that so caught her by surprise that his tongue was getting acquainted with her tonsils before she knew what hit her.  Then he released her, expertly backed the car out of the parking space and drove out onto the avenue, while she sat there with her mouth hanging open like an idiot.
         "Where do you live," he asked, as if what had just happened was not at all out of the ordinary, and perhaps it wasn't, for him.  It was for her, however.  She had not been 'soul kissed' to that extent in some time--perhaps years!--and it was NOT unpleasant.
            Sandy gave him directions to Pinewoods, the new apartment complex where she lived, and he immediately knew where they were going.  On the way, he pulled the car into the parking lot of the Wise Potato Chip factory, and took her in his arms.  Once again, he kissed her breathless, then without a word, drove back out to the street in the direction of Pinewoods.  When they arrived at the complex, he parked the car outside her apartment and embraced her again.  It had been a long, lonely summer for Sandy, and a lonely year before that.  Even though she was not that attracted to Mark, she did enjoy his attention.  He was not insistent; when she resisted his attempts at groping, he did not push.
        "How about inviting me in for a couple of minutes," he asked when his tongue wasn't trying to follow the shortest internal path to her navel.
        "No way," she responded when she could speak again.  By this time, he was breathing heavily, and she found it necessary to suppress a giggle.  It seemed so ridiculous the he should be sexually aroused when she was totally unmoved.  After a few more attempts to gain entry to her apartment, and thereby her thighs, he gave up with a sigh and said goodnight.  All in all, he was a pretty good sport.  Some men might not have accepted defeat as good-naturedly.
             In retrospect, she felt a little strange.  Seldom before had she been kissed so passionately; yet it was as if she was standing back and watching it all happen to someone else.  His kisses had no effect on her.  She enjoyed them, as she might enjoy having someone shampoo her hair.  It was a passive experience.  Sandy concluded that his defeat had less to do with lack of prowess on his part than to a lack of readiness on her part. She had heard the term reading readiness--maybe she lacked ‘bedding readiness!’
              As she climbed into her bed alone that night, Sandy reviewed the evening's events in her mind.  She had taken some big steps:  she had stepped out of her comfort zone and actually attended a mixed social activity; she had danced with a man and let him drive her home, trusting her instincts that she would be safe; and, she had experienced her first kiss in years and enjoyed it.  Maybe there was life after divorce after all!

To read more and buy my book, click here or on the title link above.!

What?  You don't have a Kindle?  You have a nook?  Well, click here to buy "Welcome to Singles Night"  for your Nook!

************************

EVA                                                                                                                                                                  

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

WTF Wednesday

Yep, it's that time again!  That day of the week when I share with you the happenings that have caused me to scratch my head and say "What the f*ck?"



In Stoughton, MA, uninvited guests at a baby shower resulted in a brawl where bottles and punches were flying when the police arrived.  Officers called the scene a "nightmare" and said that in the crowd of 200 people skirmishes were breaking out everywhere, and they were faced with trying to protect children who were present and get the brawlers under control.  Four male adults and a 14 year old boy are facing a variety of charges including disorderly conduct, assaulting an officer, and resisting arrest.

What ever happened the baby showers where a group of lady-friends gathered to play a few silly games and eat cake?

*********************


A Washington County, Maine, prison clerk and her boss are accused of misappropriating funds that were intended to make life more bearable for the inmates.  The account, which usually runs a balance of $50,000 to $60,000, upon investigation was found to have been pilfered for personal purchases.  Records show clerk Karina Richardson purchased push-up bras, a bustier, a bridesmaid gown. a blazer and several dresses, in addition to dvds, and books.  Richardson said she thought she had a clothing budget allowance, but officials say that because she is a non-uniform prison employee, she does not qualify for a clothing allowance.  Richardson further defended herself that her appearance is important to her job and the inmates benefited from her purchases.  The review committee wasn't on board with her defense, and she was fired.  Her supervisor is still under investigation.  Because she lives in a small town (East Machias, ME) Richardson believes her "reputation has been ruined over a bra" and she will be unable to "get a fair shake." 


I suppose we could admire the fact that she thought the push up bras would raise the inmates morale along with her boobs!  I'm not sure where the bridesmaid gown fit into the picture!

********************  

A Utah woman had an unexpected bedroom visitor at 3:00 a.m. over the weekend.  Wanda Denhalter was awakened by a loud rumbling, and rolled to the other side of the bed, away from the sound.  A 12' x 9' x 9" rocked came rolling down a ridge in her back yard and crashed into the house.  Denhalter
suffered a broken jaw and sternum in the incident.

Sounds like she very nearly missed being "rocked to sleep" permanently!

*********************

Police in central Florida say a man bit off his girlfriend's thumb in a dispute while driving her to work at Taco Bell. He spat the thumb onto the floorboards of the car.  Doctors were unable to reattach the thumb.  

I guess her hitch-hiking days may be over. Seems the "Rule of thumb" should apply here, somewhere.

*****************
Well, that's it for this week's head scratching!  

EVA

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Silent Sunday


Congratulations, Kevin Garnett, from one of your biggest fans!


Eighteen years in the NBA--Voted to the All-Star Team for the 15th time at age 36!
Love watching you play!

*********************
Congratulations, Rajon Rondo, also a fan favorite!


Named to the NBA All-Star team for the 4th time, 2013.

Best point guard in the NBA, in my book!

***********************

(Mr. Eva knows about my crush on Kevin and he's okay with it.)


EVA

Saturday, January 19, 2013

Saturday Silliness



****************

 
Did you hear about the teacher who was helping one of her
reception class pupils put on his boots?

He asked for help and she could see why.

Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots
still didn't want to go on.

By the time they got the second boot on, she had worked up a sweat.

She almost cried when the little boy said, 'Teacher,
they're on the wrong feet.'

She looked, and sure enough, they were.

It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was
putting them on.

She managed to keep her cool as, together, they worked to get the boots back on, this time on the correct feet.

He then announced, 'These aren't my boots.'

She bit her tongue, rather than get right in his face and
scream, 'Why didn't you say so? ' like she wanted to.

Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting
boots off his little feet.

No sooner had they got the boots off when he said,
'They're my brother's boots. My Mum made me wear 'em.'

Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry.

But she mustered up what grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again.

Helping him into his coat, she asked, 'Now, where are your mittens?'

He said, 'I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots.'
***********************

Two men sank into adjacent train seats after a long day in the city. One asked 
the other, "Your son go back to college yet?" 
 
 "Two days ago." 
 
 "Mine's a senior this year, so it's almost over. In May, he'll be an engineer. 
What's your boy going to be when he gets out of college?" 
 
 "At the rate he's going, I'd say he'll be about thirty." 
 
 "No, I mean what's he taking in college?" 
 
 "He's taking every penny I make." 
 
 "Doesn't he burn the midnight oil enough?" 
 
 "He doesn't get in early enough to burn the midnight oil." 
 
 "Well, has sending him to college done anything at all?" 
 
 "Sure has! It's totally cured his mother of bragging about him." 
  
********************


 Now that I'm older here's what I've discovered:

 1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

 2. My wild oats have turned into prunes and all-bran.

 3. I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.

 4. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

 5. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

 6. If all is not lost, where is it?

 7. It's a lot easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

 8. Some days, you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.

 9. I wish the buck did stop here; I sure could use a few.

 10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.

 11. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

 12. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

 13. The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're  in
the bathroom.

 14. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he'd have put them on my knees.

 15. When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone want to  play
chess?

 16. It's not hard to meet expenses . . . they're everywhere.

 17. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

 18. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter . .
       I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm hereafter.

 19. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

 20. DID I SEND THESE TO YOU BEFORE..........?????? 
******************************
(That last one was from Tina Banco)
EVA

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Update

Mr. Eva's surgery went well and he's been floating on a cloud of good drugs.  They will have him up and walking this morning;  Ouch!

EVA

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

In Memoriam

Baxter and Austin, when Baxter was just a puppy.


And he grew bigger and Carter loved him, too.


He loved to travel with the family.


Austin and Carter will miss their best friend, as will their Mom and Dad.



Baxter LaLiberty, my granddog,  protector of my son Eric, his wife, Kristen, and Austin and Carter, much loved by all of his extended family, passed away 1/14/2013.

I know you are in doggy heaven, chasing a stick or chewing on a tennis ball.
*****************


EVA
P.S.  I'll not be posting for a few days, as Mr. Eva has knee replacement surgery today.

Monday, January 14, 2013

National Vietnam Veterans Art Museum, Chicago



When visitors first enter the museum, they will hear a sound like wind chimes coming from above them and their attention will be drawn upward 24 feet to the ceiling of the two-story high atrium.

Dog tags of the more than 58,000 service men and women who died in the Vietnam War hang from the ceiling of the National Vietnam Veterans Art Museum in Chicago on Veterans Day, November 11, 2010. The 10-by-40-foot sculpture, entitled Above & Beyond, was designed by Ned Broderick and Richard Steinbock.


The tens of thousands of metal dog tags are suspended 24 feet in the air, 1 inch apart, from fine lines that allow them to move and chime with shifting air currents. Museum employees using a kiosk and laser pointer help visitors locate the exact dog tag with the imprinted name of their lost friend or relative.

EVA 

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Silent Sunday


Micucci's Pizza
45 India Street
Portland, Maine 04101

********************
Photo by Eric LaLiberty

EVA

Saturday, January 12, 2013

Saturday Silliness




 Over 70 Pick up Line


A rather elderly gentleman (mid-eighties) walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. He is very well-dressed, smelling slightly of an expensive after-shave, hair well-groomed, great-looking suit, flower in his lapel, shoes shined, no walker, etc..
He presents a suave, well-looked-after image.
Seated at the bar is an elderly (70's?) fine-looking lady. The gentleman walks over, sits along-side of her, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her and says,

"So tell me, good looking, do I come here often?"

*************************


I am a very nervous flyer. During a trip from California to Indiana, it didn't 
help that my connecting flight from Denver was delayed twice because of 
mechanical problems. Then, after we were aloft, I noticed the lights began 
flickering. I mentioned this to a flight attendant. 
 
 "I'll take care of it," she said. Moments later the lights went out. Clearly 
she'd solved the problem by turning off the lights. 
 
 A passenger across the aisle who had been listening leaned over and said, 
"Whatever you do, please don't ask about the engines!"


*******************************
Hello Toes...

An old fella was celebrating 92 years on this earth.


He spoke to his toes. "Hello toes," he said. "How are you? You know, you are 92 today. Oh the times we've had! Remember how we walked in the park in the summer every Sunday afternoon. The times we waltzed on the dance floor? Happy Birthday toes!"


"Hello knees," he continued. "How are you? You know you're 92 today... Oh, the times we've had! Remember when we marched in the parade? Oh, the hurdles we've jumped together. Happy Birthday, knees."

Then, he looked down at his crotch. "Hello Willie! You little bugger. Just think. If you were alive today, you'd be 92."

\

*************************



A man was sick and tired
of going to work every day
while his wife stayed home.
He wanted her to see what he went
through so he prayed:



'Dear Lord:
I go to work every day and put
In 8 hours while my wife
merely stays at home.
I want her to know what
I go through.
So, please allow her body to
Switch with mine for a day.'
God, in his infinite wisdom,
Granted the man's wish.

The next morning, sure enough,
the man awoke as a woman...
He arose, cooked breakfast
for his mate,
awakened the kids,

set out their school clothes,
fed them breakfast,
packed their lunches,
drove them to school,
came home and picked
up the dry cleaning,
took it to the cleaners!
and stopped at the bank
to make a deposit.

Went grocery shopping,
Then drove home to put
away the groceries.

Paid the bills and balanced
the check book.
He cleaned the cat's litter box
and bathed the dog.

Then, it was already 1 P.M.
And he hurried to make the beds,
Do the laundry, vacuum,
Dust, And sweep and mop
The kitchen floor.

Ran to the school to pick up
The kids and got into an argument
With them on the way home.
Set out milk and cookies and
Got the kids organized to do
Their homework.

Then, set up the ironing board

And watched TV while he
Did the ironing.
At 4:30 he began peeling
Potatoes and washing
Vegetables for salad,
Breaded the pork chops
And snapped
Fresh beans for supper.

After supper,
He cleaned the kitchen,
Ran the dishwasher,
Folded laundry,
Bathed the kids, And put
Them to bed.

At 9 P.M. He was exhausted
And, though his daily chores
Weren't finished, he went to
Bed where he was expected to
Make love, which he managed
To get through without complaint.

The next morning, he awoke
and immediately knelt by the
bed and said:


Lord, I don't know what
I was thinking.
I was so wrong to envy my
Wife's' being able to stay
Home all day. 
Let us trade back.. Amen!'

The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied:

'My son, I feel you have
Learned your lesson and
I will be happy to change
Things backto the way
They were.
You'll just have to wait
Nine months, though.

You got pregnant last night.' 


*******************

EVA