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Wednesday, February 27, 2013

WTF Wednesday

Every week I uncover news items that make me scratch my head and ask "What the f*ck?"  Then of course I have to share these gems with my readers.  Read this week's head-scratchers below:


Portrait of Christ or Dog in a Wig?
 Jim Lowry of Ohio is sure that the bird turd that landed on his windshield depicts the Face of Christ.  He's sure it's "a sign."   I think it's a sign that it's time to hit the car wash!  Oh well, I guess one bird's poop can be another man's passion!

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Unfinished Fashion?

Brandi Glanville (formerly of Desperate Housewives) says she designed her own gown for the Oscars.

It looks to me like she quit before the top of the dress was finished!  She's one sneeze away from knocking us out with her nipples!

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Boob Sled Trek

Yeah, that's right Boob Sled, not Bob sled.  Check out the sled!  Geoff Wilson is making the 1,675 mile trip across Antarctica pulling his Boob sled filled with supplies and provisions.  His goal is to complete the trek in under 64 days to make it into the Guinness Book of World Records.  He also hopes to raise $1,00,000 for the McGrath Foundation which works to place breast cancer nurses across Australia, and to raise breast cancer awareness.  

It's an admirable cause and goal, but the temps can go as low as -40 degrees Fahrenheit...hope those boobs are covering some warm clothes!!!

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Swim Suit Season is Approaching!

This might possibly be the world's worst swimsuit!  It looks like it's made from a garbage bag and just isn't all that flattering!

What The F*ck was she thinking?????


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That's all for this week!

EVA

Monday, February 25, 2013

Adventures in Rehab (Or How All My Hair Turned Gray!)

A month or so ago, I announced that I would be blogging less, and reading way fewer blogs because Mr. Eva was having knee replacement surgery.  Little did I know what I was about to experience!
Here's a recap for your reading enjoyment:

Jan. 15  9:00 a.m.     We arrive at the hospital.  After a brief wait, we are escorted to a pre-op area, where Mr. Eva is instructed to disrobe (Take it off---take it ALL off!) and put on a lovely orchid and white hospital gown.  You know the type--snaps on the shoulders and free flowing air-ducts in the back with little strings at the neck and waist to secure it and preserve his modesty, NOT!

9:30 a.m.  Various nurses stop by to take blood samples, blood pressure, temperature, et cetera, and all ask the same questions.  What is his name?  His date of birth?  Why is he here?  (Somehow, I feel they should know why he's there!  It's certainly not because he has a fetish for exposing his posterior in a backless nightie!)  Has he eaten or drunk anything?  What, if any, medication has he taken?  Does he have allergies?  Who is his physician?  Does he have an advance directive?  For whom did he vote in the presidential election?  How many toes does he have? (okay, I'm stretching it a bit here, but really, he must have been asked the same questions at least 5 times!)

10:00  a.m.  A masked man who introduces himself as the anesthesiologist explains they will be giving him drugs people kill for on the street and he'll be wheeled to the operating room shortly.  A nurse sticks him with an IV and he is wheeled away, while I am led to the surgical waiting room.

I spend time reading a book on my kindle as the hours pass, hoping all is going well.

2:00 p.m.    Surgery was successful, I'm told; Mr. Eva will be in recovery for a little while and then will be wheeled to his room. 


 The next couple of days are uneventful.  Mr. Eva is recovering and will be transferred to a rehab facility.   Now the fun begins!


The first morning Mr. Eva was at the rehab facility, my phone rang at 7:15 a.m.  It was Mr. Eva!  "Get me out of here," he shouted.  "These people are crazy!"


So, I jumped out of bed and into my clothes and went flying to the rehab center, terrified of
what was happening!
I arrived, and the Physical Therapist told me Mr. E refused to see her, much less do anything
in the way of rehab exercise.  

I went to his room and tried my best to turn the situation from panic to calm.  I reassured him
that the staff there was only trying to help him recover, and that he needs to cooperate and help them help him.  I finally convinced him that he was in pain from the surgery and since both knees need replacing, the non-operated knee was causing him pain as well.  He needed to let the nurses and the aides know that both knees were a problem, so they would take greater care when
dealing with him.

He finally calmed down and they brought him lunch.  He ate and I stayed until around 5:00 p.m. and then went home.

The next several days were a repeat of the first!  Calls to me saying he wanted to come home
and that he was receiving terrible care.  Keep in mind Mr. Eva is 6'3" and weights in at a little
over 300 pounds.  He couldn't walk, couldn't stand---there was no way I could take care of
him at home by myself!

He was driving me nuts!  I knew that the problem was pain and drugs, but he would call to say
 he was getting out of there, even if he had to call a cab to come and get him.  If I didn't arrive
 to visit him early in the morning, he would call me repeatedly asking, "Where are you?"  He
was threatening to call the State Department of Human Services to file a complaint against the facility, and call all his doctors; yet his complaints were rather vague.

And he wanted Donuts!  The place had him on a diabetic diet....he is just borderline diabetic and
he wasn't allowed any sweets.   He wanted me to bring him donuts;  he wanted Chicago Dogs, and I was the mean-ass witch who wouldn't help!

He was driving me to drink, except that I'm too short to reach the liquor cabinet and had to appease myself with chocolate!
Also, during that first 2 weeks of rehab, the medical people had difficulty stabilizing his blood pressure; in fact, the first time they had him stand, his blood pressure dropped so low he passed out.  Fortunately the two therapists working with him were able to hold on to him and gently ease him to the floor.  They had to get some kind of lift contraption to get him back into his bed.  I finally was able to convince him that I was not equipped to take care of him at home until he got stronger.

(meanwhile....my hair kept getting grayer!)


I visited with him every day;  finally he began to make progress.  His blood pressure stabilized, and he was able to start walking a bit with a walker.  Then we had a blizzard which lasted 2 days and dropped 29 inches of snow on us.  On the second day of the storm, my phone rang.

"I'm out of clothes," he complained.  "Can you bring me some clean underwear and pants?"

"The car is buried under a snow drift, and there's over 2 feet of snow in the driveway.  The plow guy won't be coming until the storm stops.  I can't possibly get there," I responded.

"But what am I supposed to do?  Hang around in my jockeys or less????"

So, I called my son Jason who owns a jeep, lives 45 minutes away, but has a big heart, and explained the situation.

Jason said, "No problem."  With his jeep all tricked out thanks to 4 x 4 Group Buy,he drove through the snow to my house, picked up a bag of clothes for his step dad and delivered them to the rehab center.
(The U.S. Postal Service could learn from Jason!)


Mr. Eva finally convinced the staff that he should be discharged on February 13th.  I was skeptical but he was bound and determined.   On his last day, a representative from the State Department of Human Services interviewed him about his care; they were responding to the phone call he'd made to complain.   He had no memory of making the call; he didn't remember all the calls he made to me demanding to get out of there.  Apparently he was drugged and in pain and off in lala land!

I drove him home that day.  He managed to get in and out of the car okay; he made it up the
 4 steps to our house, but then said he was exhausted and had to sit down.  The only "seat" available was a salt bucket sitting on the stair landing.  He sat on it.  After a few minutes rest,
 he tried to get up;  the bucket was too low, and no matter how he tried, he couldn't stand!
In desperation, I called 911 and the EMTs who responded had some sort of  chair/dolley which 
they used to get him into the house.  During the past week or so, a visiting Physical Therapist 
has come to visit 4 times, and he's making great progress.  He now can get up the steps and 
into the house without a call to 911!  Things are calming down, and I might actually get back 
 to reading and posting blogs again!!!!  

Thanks to all of you who sent well wishes and who continued to visit and comment on my blog, even when I didn't have time or energy to reciprocate!  Mr. Eva is well on his way back to normal, 
or as normal as he'll ever be!  Stay tuned--the other knee will be replaced in the fall!

EVA

Sunday, February 24, 2013

Silent Sunday

Cousins and best buds!

Saturday, February 23, 2013

Saturday Silliness


 the artist
English woman arrived at his house in a stretch limo and asked Paddy if he would paint her in the nude.

This being the first time anyone had made such a request, Paddy was a bit perturbed, particularly when the woman told him that money was no object; in fact, she was willing to pay up to $10,000.

Not wanting to get into any marital strife, Paddy asked her to wait while he went into the house to confer with Mary, his wife.

In a few minutes he returned. "T'would be me pleasure to paint yer portrait, missus," he said "The wife says it's okay.

"I'll paint ya in the nude alright, but I have to at least leave me socks on so I have a place to wipe me brushes."

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 Chinese Wedding Night

 
A young Chinese couple gets married.  They met when she came to work in his Chinese Restaurant.
She's a virgin. Truth be told, he is a virgin too, but she doesn't know that.
On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband undresses in the darkness.

He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring.

'My darring,' he whispers, 'I know dis you firss time and you berry flighten.
I promise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting - juss
anyting you want.
You juss ask. Whatchu want?' he says, trying to sound experienced and
worldly, which he hopes will impress her.

A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly) for
her request.

She eventually shyly whispers back, 'I want to try something I have hear about
from odda girls... Numbaa 69.'

More thoughtful silence from him. Eventually, in a puzzled tone he asks her....


'You want....... garlic chicken wif snow peas?

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Me and Leroy



A guy stopped at a local gas station and, after filling his tank, he

paid the bill and bought a soft drink.  He stood by his car to drink

his cola and watched a couple of men working along the roadside.

One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on.

The other man came along behind him and filled in the hole.  While

one was digging a new hole, the other was 25 feet behind filling in

the hole.  The men worked right past the guy with the soft drink

and went on down the road.

"I can't stand this," said the man, tossing the can into a trash
container and heading down the road toward the men.  "Hold it,

hold  it," he said to the men. "Can you tell me what's going on

here with all this digging and refilling?"

"Well, we work for the government and we're just doing our job," one
of the men said.

"But one of you is digging a hole and the other fills it up. You're not
accomplishing anything.  Aren't you wasting the taxpayers' money?"

"You don't understand, mister," one of the men said, leaning on his
shovel and wiping his brow. "Normally there's three of us: me, Elmer
and Leroy. I  dig the hole, Elmer sticks in the tree, and Leroy here
puts the dirt  back. Elmer's job's been cut... so now it's just me an'
Leroy....

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EVA

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

WTF Wednesday!

Well, it's here again--WTF Wedenesday, that day of the week when I share with you the news items I've discovered that make me scratch my head and ask, "What the F*ck?"


Party Time!
Judy Vigors, 33,of Glen Falls, NY, has been charged with endangering the welfare of children, after she threw a "Sweet 16" birthday party for her son.  The "sweets" were strippers from a company called "Tops in Bottoms," who performed lap dances while scantily clad for 6 of the party-ers.  The event was held at a Glen Falls bowling alley, and the parents of those who attended were not informed as to the type of entertainment that was to be provided.  When stories and photos of the gala reached parents, they were not amused.  There were youngsters at the party as young as 13.

What happened to laser tag and pinatas at kids' parties????

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Rosildo C. Santos Jr., 34, of Westborough, MA, was charged with open and gross lewdness after pulling up to the drive-through window of a Dunkin' Donuts naked.  An employee told a police officer who coincidentally had stopped in for a cup of coffee that Rosildo was displaying his munchkins; the officer followed Santos and caught up with him when he drove up to a McDonalds' drive-thru....still naked.

Everybody knows Where there's donuts there's law enforcement officers!  WTF was he thinking??

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In Kansas, a couple of brothers who won $75,000 in the lottery accidentally blew up their house while celebrating.  The two went out and spent their winnings on marijuana and meth and were using butane torches to light their bong.  Apparently fumes from the lighter fluid came in contact with the pilot light on the furnace, and KABOOM!  Fortunately, no one was killed, although one of the brothers was treated for serious burns at the local hospital.  The other brother surrendered to police....party over!

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A Wisconsin woman was evicted from her mobile home because of her menagerie of pet rats.  She was given one originally as a gift, but apparently it found a mate because at the time of her eviction, she was sharing space with over 300 rats.   She says they were her friends and caused no harm, but after several warnings, she was evicted and her home was condemned.   Officials said the stench was over-powering.  

She should have become a cat lady!

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EVA

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Silent Sunday



My son and his family had to say goodbye to their faithful friend Baxter a few weeks ago.  Now they have adopted a new puppy, "Sailor." and he seems to be adapting well!

Saturday, February 16, 2013

Saturday Silliness


Subject: EMBARRASSMENT

A guy asked a girl in a university library:
"Do you mind if I sit beside you?”
The girl replied with a loud voice:
"I DON 'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH  YOU!"

All the students in the library started staring at the guy;
he was truly embarrassed.
After a couple of minutes,
the girl walked quietly to the guy 's table and  said:

"I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking.
I guess you felt embarrassed, right?”

The guy then responded with a loud voice:
“$500 FOR ONE NIGHT? THAT 'S TOO  MUCH!”

All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock.

The guy whispered in her ear:
"I study law, and I know how to screw people".
   
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SENIOR DRIVER
My neighbour was working in his yard when he was startled by a late model car that came crashing through his hedge and ended up in his front lawn.
He rushed to help an elderly lady driver out of the car and sat her down on a lawn chair.
He said with excitement, "you appear quite elderly to be driving."
"Well, yes, I am," she replied proudly. "I'll be 97 next month, and I am now old enough that I don't even need a driver's license anymore.
"The last time I went to my doctor, he examined me and asked if I had a driver's license. I told him yes and handed it to him. He took scissors out of the drawer, cut the license into pieces, and threw them in the waste basket, saying,
'You won't need this anymore,' so I thanked him and left


!"**********************

 TOUGH TO GET OLD...
 
Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man
Walking with his legs spread apart. He was stiff-legged and walking slowly.

One student said to his friend:

"I'm sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome.
Those people walk just like that."

The other student says:

"No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome.
He walks slowly and his legs are apart, just as we learned in class."

Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached him
And one of the students said to him,

"We're medical students and couldn't help
But notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have.
Could you tell us what it is?"

The old man said,

"I'll tell you, but first you tell me what you two fine medical students think."

The first student said, "I think it's Peltry Syndrome."

The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong."

The other student said, "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome."

The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong."

So they asked him, "Well, old timer, what do you have?"

The old man said,

"I thought it was GAS - but I was wrong, too!"

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EVA

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

WTF Wednesday

Once again...time to share those "head-scratchin', what the f*uck moments with you all!


This first one was an outfit worn at the Grammy Awards:


Dimanti in this in this Claudio Milano, really had me scratching my head!  Is it beachwear, bedwear, or just plan BADwear???

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And while we are discussing fashion, Kim Pfannebecker, chosen Bacon Queen at Iowa's 2013 Annual Bacon festival, wore the above dress for her crowning.  It was made almost entirely of bacon!  Eight thousand attended the event!

I'll bet the Queen was sizzling under the lights!  Ah, I can almost catch a whiff of that tantalizing aroma!

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Then there's Daniel Anaya, who allegedly broke into his ex-girlfriend's apartment and bit off part of her big toe.  Yep, that's right!  He broke in, asked to smell her feet, and when she refused, he allegedly slammed her against the wall, removed her shoe and sock and chomped down on her big toe!

Talk about a foot fetish!  Wonder if it was accompanied by a little toe  jam?

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Ah, there's nothing like a mother's unconditional love!   This mother French-kissed her son to pass him a couple of oxycodone pills during a jailhouse visit. Kimberly Margerson, 54, was charged with 3rd degree criminal sale of a controlled substance and a multitude of other charges.  Her 30 year-old son had been incarcerated since Jan.26, according to New York State Police.

A different twist on "mouth-to-mouth" I'd say!

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EVA

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Saturday, February 9, 2013

Saturday Silliness




   Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades.  Over the years, they had shared all kinds
of activities and adventures.  Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week 
to play cards.

One day they were playing cards and one said to the other, "Now don't get mad at me, I know we've 
been friends for a long, long time.  No matter how hard I think about it, I can't seem to remember your 
name.  Please tell me what your name is."

Her friend glared at her for at least 3 minutes, then she asked, "How soon do you need to know?"

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An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, 'Seven Points.' 

His wife rolls over and says, 'What in the world was that?'   The old man replied, 'its fart football.' 

A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, 'Touchdown, tie score...' 

After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, 'Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7.' 

Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says, 'Touchdown, tie score.' 

Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, 'Field goal, I lead 17 to 14.' Now the pressure is on for the old man. 

He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard.

Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally poops in the bed. 

The wife says, 'What the hell was that?' 

The old man says, 'Half time, switch sides!'

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A wealthy blonde buys a Ferrari and after two weeks returns to the dealership with a complaint.

"This car runs beautifully in the day time, but I can't get it to go anywhere at night," she explained.

The salesman gets in the car starts it up, drives it for a bit, and returns.   "I couldn't find anything wrong with it," he said.  "Are you sure you're using the right gears?"

"Of course I am!" she responded.  "I'm not stupid!  I put it in "D" for Day and "N" for Night!"

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EVA

Friday, February 8, 2013

Snow Storm!!!!


We've got snow and cold coming out our A$$E$ up here!

EVA

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Sorry!

My apologies....I haven't been keeping up with my blog reading.  Been busy going back and forth to the hospital and then to the rehab facility;  Mr. Eva is still in rehab from his knee replacement and may be there for another week.....Once he's home, things should get back to normal and I'll get back to visiting all my friends blogs.....  I promise!

EVA

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

WTF Wednesday

It's that time of the week again when I have to share with you those news items that have left me scratching my head and asking "What the f*ck?"   There seems to be no shortage of strange behavior out there!  Below are this week's WTFs:




In Florida, Timothy Carr was arrested for allegedly driving drunk inside a Walmart store.  Carr was driving one of the motorized carts while drinking a an alcholic beverage he'd lifted of the shelf in the store.  Apparently he attracted attention when he started knocking items off the shelves as a cruised the aisles.  He was arrested for disorderly conduct and retail theft.

No mention was made of whether this would cost him points on his driver's license.

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Talk about a Fish Story!

An Arkansas couple on their way to spend a day fishing stopped at a convenience store and while there bought a lottery ticket.  On their way back, they stopped at the same store and bought a second ticket. The first ticket turned out to be worth $1,000,000, and the second was worth $50,000.

And all I've ever come up with is a free ticket!

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Tattoo Love



In Russia, a woman allowed a man to tattoo his name on her face the day they met in person, in 5 inch high Gothic letters.  They are engaged and originally met in an online chat room.

And here I thought cattle-branding was a Texas custom!


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.The Octomom Nadya Suleman has won the Best Celebrity Sex Tape category at the Adult Video News Awards, the "Oscars of Porn."   She says she feels so honored and excited!  She's trying to figure out where to put it.

I might have a suggestion!

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And that sweet little Justin Bieber....a child no more.  His latest Pop hit tells how the girls love to suck his "lolly."   

I am not pleased!  My 8-year-old granddaughter has been a fan.  Yikes.

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all above items come from the Huffington Post.


EVA