Followers

Saturday, August 31, 2013

Missing in Action

Sorry I haven't been posting, or reading blogs, or commenting.  Mr. Eva is still recouping from knee surgery, and I've been spending most of my time at the hospital, and now at the Rehab Facility.  Hopefully things will calm down soon.   Hope you hang in there and don't forget me!

EVA

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

WTF Wednesday

WTF Wednesday will be back on September 4th.   Mr. Eva had his second knee replacement surgery yesterday.  I am holding my breath in hopes that this goes better than the first knee he had replaced in January of this year.  If per chance you weren't around for that adventure, feel free to go back and read that post here:  Adventures in Rehab.     

Please keep your fingers crossed that this experience is easier on all of us!

EVA

Sunday, August 25, 2013

Silent Sunday

Today is


Every year in August the Sunday closest to Womens Equal Rights Day is designated as "Women Go Topless Day."  Since men can walk around shirtless, some feel women should be allowed to do the same.

All across the country, there are parades taking place where women are baring their boobs, because they feel they want the same rights as men.


Men show their support by donning bikini tops and bras and marching along with them!  Will there be a demonstration in your city?  I know they usually have them in Portland, Maine and Bangor, Maine.


(Photos from TMZ video per my camera!)
*********************

EVA

Saturday, August 24, 2013

Saturday Silliness

Words from a Pilot

During a commercial airline flight an experienced Air Force Pilot was seated next to a young mother with a babe in arms.
   When the baby began crying during
  the descent for landing, the mother began nursing the infant as discreetly as possible.  
                                                               
The pilot pretended not to notice, and, upon disembarking, he gallantly                                          offered his assistance to help with the various baby-related items.

When the young mother expressed her gratitude, the pilot responded, "that's a good looking baby, and he sure was hungry!"

Somewhat embarrassed, the mother explained that her pediatrician said that the time spent on the breast would help alleviate the pressure in the baby's ears.

The Air Force Pilot sadly shook his head, and in true pilot fashion exclaimed,
"And all these years, I've been chewing gum." 

********************** 
                                                         Unannounced Dinner Guest

 A man brings his best buddy home for dinner unannounced at 5:30 after work. 
 
His wife screams at him as his friend stands there listening, "My hair & makeup 
are not done, the house is a mess, the dishes are not done, I'm still in my 
pajamas and I can't be bothered with cooking tonight! What the hell did you 
bring him home for?"  
 
"Because he's thinking of getting married." 

***********************



A man walks into the psychiatrist’s office with a zucchini up his nose, a cucumber in his left ear, and a breadstick in his right ear. He says, “What is wrong with me?

The psychiatrist replies, “You're not eating properly.”

*********************

                                               Jonah and the Whale


A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was 
physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though a whale 
is a very large mammal, its throat is very small. The little girl stated that 
Jonah was swallowed by a whale. The teacher reiterated that a whale could not 
swallow a human, it was impossible. The little girl said, "When I get to heaven 
I will ask Jonah". 
 
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?" 
 
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him!" 

**************************

IDIOT SIGHTINGHow would you pronounce this child's name? "Le-a" Leah?? NO Lee - A?? NOPE  Lay - a?? NO  Lei?? Guess Again. This child attends a school in Kansas City, Mo.  Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her name wrong. It's pronounced "Ledasha". When the Mother was asked about the pronunciation of the name, she said, "the dash don't be silent." 
***********************************
EVA 

Friday, August 23, 2013

Flaunting Fiction Friday

(This is a short story I shared on my blog in September, 2011.  I thought I would repost it for my new readers.)

She had never done this before.  Oh, she’d thought about it, even dreamed about it, but never really expected it would happen so soon.  “Mother would not approve of this,” she thought.
Of course, Mother needn't know—at least right away.   That was part of the reason Carolyn had spent so much time finding an apartment close enough to her mother’s that visiting her wouldn't be a major hassle, yet far enough away that her mother wouldn't drop by unannounced.

His gorgeous brown eyes had grabbed her attention immediately when she entered the room, and immediately she knew he would be her first.  She pretended not to notice him, and made a concerted effort to appear uninterested, lavishing her attention on others, yet all the while keeping him within her peripheral vision.

Finally, he’d been introduced  to her as Trevor.  For some reason, the name tickled her tongue.  There had never been a Trevor in her life.  He was so handsome, Carolyn felt a little intimidated.   It was almost hard to believe this gorgeous specimen was actually unattached.  His broad shoulders and strong back just seemed to be begging for her tender touch.  After they had exchanged a few lingering glances, she took a seat on the worn leather sofa.  Trevor followed suit, sitting as close to her as was physically possible without sitting in her lap!

She giggled at his brashness; it was as if he knew she was smitten.  With an extreme display of confidence, he kissed her.  Any resistance she might have had melted away with that kiss! 

“Come on, Trevor, let’s get out of here,” she whispered.  Mother’s approval be dammed, she knew she had to take him home with her, now! 

Without any further hesitation, she opened her purse, gave the attendant her debit card, paid the shelter adoption fee, and with his leash in hand, led the beautiful Rottweiler to her car.  On the drive home, Trevor happily rested his head on her lap, and Carolyn knew she had made the right choice for  her first house pet!

*************************

EVA

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

WTF Wednesday

How fast the weeks fly by!  It's What the F*ck Wednesday again, in the blink of an eye!  That's the day when I share with you those news items that cause me to scratch my head and ask myself, "What the f*ck???


A man named Robert Newman from Wiltshire, England, has been banned from all farms in the United Kingdom for having sex with a goat.  He also has been given a curfew between 7:00 p.m. and 7:00 a.m. between now and when his sentencing on Sept. 12.

No kidding around........this guy is baaaaaaaaaaaaaaad ass!

(note:  The identity of the goat  has been protected.  Source; Huffington Post.)
*****************


A British woman, Nicola Peate, reportedly dislocated her jaw while trying to eat a triple patty hamburger.  At first she laughed about it, but finally had to seek medical help the next day when the pain extended to her jaw and neck.  The hospital was able to relocate her jaw and Peate is now recovered.  She says the burger was delicious and she'll be back, to eat it with a fork and knife!

I guess she bit off more than she could chew, according to the Huffington Post!

*****************

Asha Mandela holds the Guinness Book Record for the longest dreadlocks.  Measuring in at 19 feet, and weighing 25 pounds when wet, the locks require 2 bottles of shampoo for their weekly wash, and 2 days drying time.  Doctors are concerned that the weight of the locks is doing damage to her back.  How long does it take to grow hair that long?  She hasn't had a haircut in 25 years!

Gives me a headache just thinking about it!

**********************

Here's an invention you'll just love!  It's called the privacy scarf.  Whether you want to play video games on your Ipad  outside and need to block the sun's glare, or you want to avoid your employer's glare while you shop on line or visit porn sites at work, it's got you covered!

Who could resist such a practical piece of clothing????

**********************

Coming soon:  August 25th is Go Topless Day....stay tuned!

**************
Enough head scratching for this week!

EVA

Sunday, August 18, 2013

Silent Sunday

My granddaughter Allexandria and her friend Olivia modeling sun dresses.

The girls pretending to be at a spa.

*************

EVA

Saturday, August 17, 2013

Saturday Silliness



Three Pastors in the south were having lunch in a diner. 
 
 One said, "Since summer started I've been having trouble with bats in my loft 
and attic at church. I've tried everything--noise, spray, cats--nothing seems to 
scare them away." 
 
 Another said, "Me too. I've got hundreds living in my belfry and in the narthex 
attic. I've even had the place fumigated, and they won't go away." 
 
 The third said, "I baptized all mine, and made them members of the church. 
Haven't seen one back since." 

****************

*************************



**********************

Just when you think a person can't get any dumber.
This will cleanse the gene pool a little.
I know, I saw it right away too.  No safety glasses!  No hearing protection!  And I caught something else that is really important:  He has no gloves on! 
*******************************************


**************************************
EVA







Friday, August 16, 2013

Flaunting Fiction Friday

The following is a short story I wrote a while back for the Indie Flash Fiction site.


               As the sun dropped toward the horizon, the trees cast long shadows on the pond.  Chances are it would be days before anyone passed this way again.   The leaves on the trees had turned from green to yellow, indicating that the swimming hole would be abandoned again until next summer.
               The woman’s body was barely visible as it slowly sank into the depths of the water.  He hadn't wanted to do it, but she wouldn't shut up; she wouldn't stop nagging him about getting a job.  He’d spent two years sending out resumes and pounding the pavement.  Finally, his spirit had been broken and he’d turned to alcohol for comfort.  It deadened the pain, but didn't silence her.   Every day, she had harped on about it; he was drinking too much, he should be looking for work.  Over and over again he’d warned her, hell, he’d begged her to stop.  She just wouldn't let up.  Finally, he’d lost it and grabbed her by the throat.  It had been quick.  He just wanted her to shut up.  No one would believe it was an accident.
                 They had no friends in the area; no one would miss them when he moved south.   By the time her body was discovered, he would be far away.  Having strangled her, he’d used his lit cigarette to blur her finger prints.  Yes, it would be a long time before they found her and even longer before they identified her; by then he would be far away.


*******************************

If you enjoyed the above, you might enjoy the short novel I wrote and published on Kindle called "Welcome to Singles Night".   Click on the link to learn more.

If you've read my book, please add your review on Amazon--if you haven't read the reviews and consider it!

EVA

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

WTF Wednesday

How fast the weeks fly by!  It's What the F*ck Wednesday again, in the blink of an eye!  That's the day when I share with you those news items that cause me to scratch my head and ask myself, "What the f*ck???

Gun Safety Class Not So Safe!

In Ohio, 73-year-old Terry Dunlap was conducting a gun safety class when he accidentally shot a student.  Dunlap was demonstrating the use of the firearm when a bullet ricocheted of a desk and into the arm of a 26-year-old student.  Apparently the instructor did not know the gun was loaded.  The student was rushed to the hospital where he was treated for a non-lethal wound.

One of the first things I ever learned about gun safety is to always treat a gun as though it's loaded.  I guess Mr. Dunlap didn't remember that one! 

*********************

High Protein Sandwich

A frequent flier bought a sandwich at the Cafe Intermezzo in the Atlanta airport and discovered, when they started moving, the white spots he thought were parmesan cheese on his sandwich were actually maggots.
The Cafe owner says they have since changed bread vendors and that the problem did not originate in the restaurant.

Just another reason I refuse to fly.

********************

Paws to Screen

New York dog trainer Anna Jane Grossman is offering a class for dog owners and their best friends to teach their dogs how to swipe the IPad screen with their nose to launch an ap.  Grossman says in actuality, dogs can't do anything very useful on the computer, but admits that she doesn't either.

I shouldn't be surprised, after all, they now offer a cable channel to entertain "stay at home dogs" while their families are away at work and/or school; the pups will be playing Angry Birds in no time!

***************

Wiener's Wife's Career Suffered From Husband's Sexting

Anthony Wiener admitted that his continued sexting after resigning from the House of Representatives in 2012.  "She's been roughed up unfairly, in my opinion,' he said.  He has dropped from first place to fourth place in the mayor's race in New York City.

Duh......This guy never ceases to amaze me!

*******************

That's it for head-scratching today!

EVA


Sunday, August 11, 2013

Silent Sunday

                         BJP Watercolors

Brian was born in Waterville, Maine and graduated from Winslow High School after which he moved to Portland, Maine. He took watercolor classes through Spiral Arts and participated in numerous art shows throughout the state. His work was displayed at the Blaine House in Augusta 2005-2006. 

Brian states, "My artwork is unique in that I am visually impaired and I see things differently than others do. I like people to see the world through my eyes."

Brian is also featured in "Art in the Park" and Local Libraries.

                                                                                                            photo by Duke Harrington




  • Brian is legally blind and literally paints the  world "as he sees it."   He recently opened an Esty store.  Click on this link to pay his store a visit!

  • He only has a few paintings on sale right now, but will do custom paintings upon request.  Visit his Esty store and drop him an email...he'd be delighted to hear from you!


  • To read an interview a local journal did with him, click on this link.  His is an amazing story of determination and survival!

  • EVA
  • Saturday, August 10, 2013

    Saturday Silliness


    Skinny Dipping: 
     
    An elderly man in Florida had owned a large farm for several years. He 
    had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he
     fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some orange,
     and lime trees. 
     
    One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't
    been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket 
    to bring back some fruit. 
     
    As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. 
    As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping 
    in his pond. 
     
    He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. 
    One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!' The 
    old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or 
    you get out of the pond naked.. 
     
    Holding the bucket up, he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator.' 
     
    Some old men can still think fast!!!  
    
    
    **********************
    
    
    
    
    Her minister told an eighty-year-old woman that, at her age, she should be giving some thought to what he called “the hereafter.” She said to him, “I think about it many times a day.”
    
    “Oh, really?” said the minister. “That is very wise.”
    
    “It’s not a matter of wisdom,” she replied. “It’s when I open a drawer or a closet, I ask myself, ‘What am I here after?’”
    
    
    *******************
    
    
    A man was in his front yard mowing grass, when his neighbor, Judy, came out of 
    her house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it, then slammed it shut 
    and stormed back into the house. 
     
     A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mail box, and again 
    opened it and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went. 
     
     As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to 
    the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever. 
     
     Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?" 
     
     To which she replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps saying, 
    YOU'VE GOT MAIL!"
    
    
    *****************
    
    
    
    
       An old man and woman were married for many years.          Whenever there was a confrontation, yelling could be heard deep  into the night.          The old man would shout: "When I die, I will dig my way up and  out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"          Neighbors feared him. The old man liked the fact that he was  feared.          To everyone's relief, he died of a heart attack when he was 98.          His wife had a closed casket at the funeral.          After the burial, her neighbors, concerned for her safety,  asked: "Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way out  of the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life?"         The wife said, "Let him dig.  I had him buried upside down, and  I know he won't ask for directions."
    **************************
    EVA

    Wednesday, August 7, 2013

    WTF Wednesday

    How fast the weeks fly by!  It's What the F*ck Wednesday again, in the blink of an eye!  That's the day when I share with you those news items that cause me to scratch my head and ask myself, "What the f*ck???

    Time for a 12-stop Program?


    Geraldo Ramos, 64, of the Dominican Republic, woke up from a night of drinking wondering where his wiener went!  According to neighbors, Ramos was attacked by a dog while wandering around naked and drunk.  Geraldo does not believe that story, but he doesn't remember what happened to his missing "member."  He does recall being rushed to the hospital for emergency surgery and when he woke up, found a catheter placed where his pilfered penis should have been.  Sadly, neither the dog nor the dong have been found.  Ramos says he has learned his lesson and is giving up alcohol.

    Better late than never, I guess.

    *****************

    Man Attempts to Smuggle Humming Birds
    A Dutch man was discovered trying to smuggle humming birds from French Guiana into Brazil by taping them to the inside of his pants.  A customs officer at the airport noticed something strange about the shape of the smuggler's crotch.  Upon inspection, he found 12 humming birds wrapped in paper and taped to the inside of the man's pants.  The birds seemed none the worse for wear and seemed confused but uninjured.  No explanation was given as to why the man was trying to bring in the contraband.

    Talk about a hummer!

    ************************

    A Turtle-burger?


    A Chinese man tried to sneak his pet turtle on board a plan by placing it between two buns, wrapping it, putting it in a Kentucky Fried Chicken bag, and calling it a sandwich.  The security officer figured something was up when he saw a leg sticking out of the bun as the sandwich went through the xray machine.  When security asked to examine the package more closely, the smuggler said, "There's no turtle in there, it's just a hamburger." which immediately confirmed the officer's suspicions!  Finally, the turtle lover was allowed to leave his pet with a friend at the airport.

    I didn't even know Kentucky Fried Chicken sold hamburgers!

    *****************

    That's enough head-scratching for this week!

    EVA

    Tuesday, August 6, 2013

    Silent Sunday: Funtown/Splashtown, USA

                 Right here in my neighborhood, Saco, Maine,  is a wonderful Family Fun Park. It's called Funtown/Splashtown, USA.  It's located on Route 1, just off the Saco exit of the Maine Turnpike.  There's something for everyone to enjoy:


                                   The Park Opens usually Memorial Day Weekend.


                                                          There are bumper boats

    A Family Raft Ride


                   A pirate head bucket dumps 500 gallons of water every two minutes!

                                      There are 8 Water Slides!

    Including one that is totally dark!

    The Tornado!


    The Log Flume Ride



          The Dragon's Descent:  A 220 foot tower which is the tallest attraction in Northern New England.
                    A breath-taking free fall bringing you a Negative G experience!


                           Excalibur--a wooden roller coaster that is the largest in Northern New England.



                                               Maine's largest steel roller coaster--

                                                                        The Wild Mouse


                                                              The Flying Trapeze!


                        All this and more in my neck of the woods_-just waiting for your visit!


    EVA

    Sunday, August 4, 2013

    Silent Sunday

    Scenes from the annual Beach to Beacon 10K Race in Cape Elizabeth, Me, August 3, 2013

    A view from the air


    Hundreds of volunteers turned out to help




    The six thousand runners line up at the starting gate.




    Runners are cheered on along the route.



    And the leaders approach the finish line.....




    And the winner is....Micah Kogo of Kenya!


    Photos are from the Beach to Beacon website at http://www.beach2beacon.org/


    EVA

    p.s.:  No I did not run in the race!!!

    Saturday, August 3, 2013

    Saturday Silliness

    Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob's arm and listens intently to his every word. His mates at the club are all aghast.
    At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, 'Bob, how'd you get the trophy girlfriend?'
    Bob replies, 'Girlfriend? She's my wife!'
    They are knocked over, but continue to ask.’ So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?'

    'I lied about my age', Bob replies.
    'What, did you tell her you were only 50?'
    Bob smiles and says, 'No, I told her I was 90.'

    *********************




    Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor.

    With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel
    appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis.

    After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, 'Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem.'

    The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a
    large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table.

    'Gee, Mum,' he exclaimed. 'For me?'

    'Just take two,' Brenda replied. 'The rest are for your father.'

    ************************


    There was a magician on a ship. He went through his tricks all day. Then the 
    captain's parrot always told the audience what really made the tricks happen. 
     
     "He's using a different hat" 
     
     "There's a hole in the table" the parrot would say. 
     
     The magician always got mad but couldn't do anything, after all it was the 
    captain's parrot. 
     
     Then the ship sank. 
     
     The magician was hanging onto a plank and unfortunately was stuck with the 
    parrot. They glared at each other for days. 
     
     On the sixth day the parrot finally says "I give up, where's the ship?" 
    
    
    ***********************
    
    
    
    


    DEATH
    • While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt.
    •  
    • Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin.
    • Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.
    •  
    • The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said:
    • 'Glory be unto the Father, and unto the Son, and into the hole he goes.'

    *******************************
    EVA
    
    

    Friday, August 2, 2013

    Flaunting Fiction Friday: My Restroom Rant



    Did you ever notice that the people who design ladies’ public restrooms must never have known a female larger than a size six? If you haven’t, then you are probably one of those bitches females who’s a size six or smaller. I, on the other hand am a woman of ginormous generous girth. Let’s just say, I don’t shop for clothes in the juniors’ department. I’ve eaten a pepperoni pizza or two in my day, and some of them have stayed with me. (I know I need to lose a ton a few pounds, and I’m working on it!)



    The first problem in many ladies’ restroom designs is the doors. They open inward; that is, you must push the door in toward the john to enter the stall. Then, in order to close the door, you need to straddle said john. Chances are, an inward-opening door has been installed to save space; that means the stall itself is barely deep enough to accommodate the toilet and a person. If you are wearing a skirt, and the toilet is equipped with a sensor which causes it to flush as you move away from it, you’ll need to move out of the way quickly to avoid random spray on your skirt from an enthusiastic flush!

    Of course, these tight quarters may be an advantage if the door doesn’t latch, and you have to prop it shut with your head, trying to keep intruders out while you do your business! If, like me, you are too short to be able to hold the door shut with the top of your head and still reach the john with your butt, you will probably need to sing loudly, or shuffle your feet as noisily as possible to let others know the stall is occupied and hope they get the hint. (Be careful with the foot shuffling that your feet stay within the confines of your own stall, lest one of your neighbors misconstrue your intent!).

    Once in the stall, there’s the question of what to do with your purse? If you’re lucky, there will be a hook or a shelf for that purpose; otherwise, you have a choice of setting it on the probably germ-infested floor, or even worse, in puddles around the john that have a suspiciously yellowish tinge to them. With no shelf or hook and the floor being an unsatisfactory option, you can loop the strap over your head so it dangles around your neck. If the strap is too short to drape over your head, you may have to grasp it between clenched teeth. (I know I’m having a bad day when I find myself in the restroom stall, bent over trying to hold the door closed with my head, my purse hanging from my teeth, as I'm humming loudly and shuffling my feet, while trying to keep my jeans from coming into contact with that puddle on the floor!)

    In addition to the stall not being deep enough, the width can be an issue. I’ve seen times when I’ve had to squeeze myself between the sanitary products disposal box on one side and the toilet tissue dispenser on the other. I was one deep inhale away from having to be extricated from the place by the jaws of life, or at the very least, a can opener.


    A day can go from bad to worse if there’s no paper in your stall; I’m not talking about the New York Times, I mean toilet tissue. It might be a good idea to check out the paper situation before committing to a particular stall. If there isn’t any, and you’re already “committed,” you’ll find yourself frantically going through your pockets and your purse for a Kleenex, a paper towel, or maybe a Walmart receipt. If all else fails, you may have to ask the lady in the next stall if she has “a square to spare” and pray you didn’t have the misfortune to park your posterior in the next stall to Elaine Benis!


    If there's no paper, and no neighbor in the next cubicle who's willing to share, there's always the last resort, as illustrated below:

    Then there's the whole hand washing problem.  Some lavatories have faucets that are equipped with sensors that cause them to turn on when your hands are "sensed" in the vacinity of the tap.  This eliminates the need to put your hands on the germ infested tap.  If you do have to operate the tap, you can be comforted by the fact that you will be scrubbing any germs away while you wash your hands.

     Of course, washing hands means you must dry them.  If there are paper towels available, once your hands are dry you can also use a towel to open the exit door, thereby avoiding contact with more germs loitering on the door handle.  Then you have to wad up the towel and make the equivalent of a 3-point shot from the doorway to dispose of it in the trash bin, so you can exit without touching any more questionable surfaces.

    I don’t know about you, but as I’ve aged, I found my capacity to hold my liquor has increased, while my bladder capacity has decreased. This means one should NEVER, EVER allow oneself to reach emergency status when it comes to hitting the restroom. It is impossible to check the stalls for one with toilet tissue and accomplish all the above feats when the dam is about to burst!

    Sometimes I think it might just be easier to wear Depends!


    pictures from google images
    *************************


    The above post is a repeat from my book "The Best of Wrestling With Retirement."  If you enjoyed it, check out my author's page by clicking here.


    EVA