Saturday, December 21, 2013

Saturday Silliness

Who says men don't remember things?

A couple were Christmas shopping. The shopping center was packed , and as the wife walked through one of the malls she was surprised when she looked around to find that her husband was nowhere to be seen.

She was quite upset because they had a lot to do and hence, she became so worried that she called him on her mobile phone to ask him where he was.

In a quiet voice he said, "Do you remember the jewelers we went into about five years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we couldn't afford, and I told you that I would get it for you one day?"

The wife choked up and started to cry and said, "Yes, I do remember that shop."

He replied, "Well, I'm in the pub next door." 

The strange Christmas scene

In a small southern town there was a "Nativity Scene" that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it. One small feature bothered me.
SnowmanThe three wise men were wearing firemen's helmets.

Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left. At a "Quik Stop" on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets. She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, "You stupid Yankees never do read the Bible!" I assured her that I did, but simply couldn't recall anything about firemen in the Bible.

She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled through some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage. Sticking it in my face she said "See, it says right here, 'The three wise man came from afar.'"

Once upon a time long ago in a land of charm:

There lived a king.
The king had a  beautiful daughter, The PRINCESS..  
But  there was a problem. Everything the princess  touched would melt. No matter  what; Metal,  Wood,  
Stone,  anything  she touched would melt. 
Because  of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would  dare marry her. 
The  king despaired. What could he do to help his  daughter? 
He  consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard  told the king, 'If your daughter touches one  thing that does not melt in her  hands,  she will  be cured.'
The  king was overjoyed and came up with a plan. 
The  next day, he held a competition. Any man that  could bring his daughter an object  that would not melt would marry her and inherit  the king's wealth...
The  first brought a sword of the finest steel.  But  alas, when the princess touched it, it melted.  The prince went away sadly ..  

The second  prince brought diamonds.  He thought  diamonds are the hardest substance in the world  and would not melt. But alas, once the princess  touched them, they melted.   He too  was sent away disappointed. 
The  third prince approached. He told the princess,  'Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is  in there.'
The princess did as she was  told, though she turned red .  
red face.jpg
She  felt something hard. She held it in her hand.  And it did  not melt!!!
The  king was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was  overjoyed. 
And  the third prince married the princess and they  both lived happily ever after. 
Question:  What was in the prince's pants? 

M&M's  of course.
m and  m.jpg
They  melt in your mouth, not in your hand. 

What  were you thinking??



Friday, December 20, 2013

A Christmas Tip

  Who's jolly and cute,

Wearing a beard and
a red flannel suit,

And if he is chuckling
and laughing away,

 While flying around
in a miniature sleigh,
With eight tiny reindeer
to pull him along, 

Then let's face it...
Your eggnog's too strong!

Merry Christmas and
a Happy 2O14


Wednesday, December 18, 2013

WTF Wednesday

How fast the weeks fly by!  It's What the F*ck Wednesday again, in the blink of an eye!  That's the day when I share with you those news items that cause me to scratch my head and ask myself, "What the f*ck???

Behold the Cthuken.

Looking for an alternative to the spiral cut ham or roasted turkey for your Christmas Dinner? Rusty Yulberg, a database administrator from Lubbock, Texas put together this tasty treat. You remember turducken, which was a chicken cooked inside of a duck cooked inside of a turkey? Well, this new creation is a chicken stuffed with octopus tentacles, topped with crab legs and bacon.

It sure looks "fowl" to me!

Identifying Birds by their Droppings

If you've ever had a splat on your windshield cause you to ask, "Who did that" This is the book for you. This gives a whole new meaning to bird watching! From that poop on your windshield, this book helps you identify the species responsible, their eating habits, and their habitats. No can order this book from Amazon by clicking here!

I don't even want to think about the research that went into this text, nor the mind that conceived the idea!

Happy Holidays gets Grinch-like Response

In Phoenix, Arizona, a Salvation Army Bell Ringer received a punch when she said Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas.  "Do you believe in God?" the attacker asked, "Then you're supposed to say Merry Christms!"  The woman punch-uated her comment with punch to the Bell Ringer.

Way to put Christ back in Christmas; I'm sure He would approve.

Personally, I don't understand what all the fuss is about.  Happy Holidays is a greeting that is all inclusive--whether the recipient is Christian, Jewish, or of any other faith.  There are people celebrating Kwanza, Chanukah, The Chinese New Year, and various other events at this time of year.  Why can't we say "Happy Holidays" and wish people of all faiths and ethnic backgrounds happiness and peace?*********************

That's enough head-scratching for this week!


Saturday, December 14, 2013

Saturday Silliness

A new business was opening, and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him 
flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business site, and the 
owner read the card, which said, "Rest in Peace." 
The owner was angry and called the florist to complain. 
After he told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the 
florist replied, "Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than 
getting angry, you should imagine this: Somewhere there is a funeral taking 
place, and they have flowers with a note saying, 
'Congratulations on your new location.'" 


According to the Alaskan Department of Fish and game, while both male and 
female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop 
their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid 
December. Female reindeer retain their antlers 'till after they give birth 
in the spring. 
Therefore, according to every historical rendition depicting Santa's 
reindeer, every single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen had to be 
We should've known! Only women would be able to drag a fat man in a red 
velvet suit all around the world in one night, and NOT GET LOST. 



Here's the reason baby diapers have brand names such as "Luvs" and "Huggies," while undergarments for old people are called "Depends": When babies crap in their pants, people are still gonna Luv'em and Hug'em. When old people crap in their pants, it "Depends" on who's in the will! Glad to get that straightened out.

Friday, December 13, 2013

A Christmas Poem

Here's another repeat post from last year...even though we just got a little snow here, I thought I'd repost it anyway!  Hope if it's familiar you won't mind, and if it's new to you, hope you enjoy it.

A Christma Poem

Twas the week before Christmas, and all through the town,
There was no sign of snow, not a flake to be found.
The snowplows all sat in the town parking lot,
All gassed up and waiting, but snow, it did not.

The children were nervous and fearful as well,
That they’d see no St. Nick unless some snow fell.
The thought of a Christmas with no Santa Claus,
Was more than enough to give them all pause.

They were of two minds on the matter, it was patently clear.
Many were sure no that snow  meant no Santa this year;
Though some thought he’d still come with no snow on the roof.
The idea was hotly debated; there just was no proof!

Each weather report brought all to attention;
A forecast of snow would bring an end to the tension.
For how could Santa land on roofs with his sleigh
Without a fresh layer of snow to blanket the way?

The day before Christmas, the ground was still dry,
More than one child walked ‘round with a tear in his eye.
The trees were all trimmed with tinsel and lights,
And stockings were hung, with no snow in sight.

With hearts in their throats, kids donned their pajamas,
Climbed into their beds, bid goodnight to their mamas.
So sad were they all. More than one shed tears as they crept
Under the covers; some even sobbed the whole time they slept.

Then, during the night came an event unexpected.
A lovely snowfall left the town white complected!
On every rooftop, the snow flakes they landed,
So, Santa and Rudolph would not be stranded!

The children awoke to the sound of the plows,
A peek out the windows elicited "Wows!"
There was snow everywhere, piled up in drifts,
And under their trees were all sorts of gifts!

The snowfall had came and brought Santa, too,
Though how it all happened, they hadn't a clue.
Even the weatherman was scratching his head--
Was all of it brought by the fat man in red?

an orginal poem by Eva Gallant


Wednesday, December 11, 2013

WTF Wednesday

How fast the weeks fly by!  It's What the F*ck Wednesday again, in the blink of an eye!  That's the day when I share with you those news items that cause me to scratch my head and ask myself, "What the f*ck???

Real Mice Chess Set

Rachel Garcia, a taxidermist, decided to craft the weirdest chess set ever.  She fashioned all the pieces from real taxidermied mice--real, dead mice; 16 white, 16 black.  She was able to obtain the rodents from a facility that freezes them for reptile food.

She sold the set for $450 on her Esty page.  She says the set too about 90 hours to make, and she fashioned their costumes from scraps she had around the house.

Am I the only one who finds this a little creepy?  And you most certainly would have to keep these $450  chessmice away from the family cat!


Bathroom Blast                                                                                                                                          

A Kentucky man walked into the restroom at a restaurant and decided to rest his loaded gun on the toilet dispenser while he did his business.  Long story short, the gun slipped, went off, and shot him in the leg.  He was taken to an area hospital for a non-life-threatening injury.

I'll bet that scared the crap out of him and anyone else using the facility!

Wanted:  Adventurous Female Volunteer to Give Birth to Cloned Cave Baby

A Harvard professor is seeking a woman willing to give birth to a Neanderthal baby.  Reminiscent of Jurassic Park, this man believes he can recreate the DNA of the species which has been extinct for 30,000 years.  Of course, in the movie, the dinosaurs were created in a lab, but Professor George Church of the Harvard Medical School is looking for a female volunteer willing to undergo having Neanderthal

My question is why?  Church believes mankind would benefit from the experiment.  Don't we have enough Neanderthals running around out there already?


Enough head-scratching for today!


Saturday, December 7, 2013

Saturday Silliness

As You Slide Down the Banister of Life Towards 2014 -- Remember:

1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It's called ... 'Ministers Do More Than Lay People'

2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.

3. The difference between the Pope and your boss, the Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.

4. My mind works like lightning, one brilliant Flash and it is gone.

5. The only time the world beats a path to Your door is if you're in the bathroom.

6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink spilled and that ice, well, it really chilled the mood.

7. It used to be only death and taxes, Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too.

8. A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.

9. My next house will have no kitchen - just vending machines and a large trash can.

10. Definition of a teenager? God's punishment ... for enjoying sex.

Thought for the day: Be who you are and say what you feel ... because those that matter... don't mind ... and those that mind ...don't matter!