Saturday, May 31, 2014

Weekend Silliness

To-Do list: 
1) Buy four pigs 
2) Paint numbers 1, 2, 3, and 5 on their backs 
3) Release them in Wal-Mart 
4) Sit back and watch Security look for number 4. 

Teacher: If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have?
Johnny: Seven, Sir.
Teacher: No, listen carefully... If I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have?
Johnny: Seven, Sir.
Teacher: Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you 2 apples, and another 2 apples and another 2, how many would you have?
Johnny: Six.
Teacher: Good. Now if I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?
Johnny: Seven!!! SIR!
A very angry Teacher: Where in the heck do you get seven from?!?!?
A very angry Johnny: Because,.... I've already got a darn cat!!!
Guitar, for sale ... Cheap ... no strings attached. 
Sign in a Bar:
'Those Of You Who Are Drinking To Forget, Please Pay In Advance.'  
Sign In Driving School: 
If Your Wife Wants To Learn Driving, Don't Stand In Her Way. 
Sign At A Barber's : 
 We Need Your Heads To Run Our Business. 

Thursday, May 29, 2014

More Random Rambling

I just finished watching Dr. Phil (yeah, another guilty pleasure!).  His guest was a woman and her 2 sons and daughter-in-law.  Her children were concerned that she was being scammed in an online romance.

Over a period of 18 months, she had sent her on-line "lover" (whom she'd never met in person) more than $191,000!  I marvel that someone can be so stupid.  She sent him $10,000 during the first month they were emailing, and it grew from there.  She met him through an online dating site. (.I don't have a problem with meeting someone on line.  My son met his wife on  It just seems to me that if a person has excuses for not meeting in person and starts asking for money, some red flags would go up!

 I know we shouldn't judge others 'til we've "walked a mile in their shoes," but am I the only one who would question the situation?

On the bright side, this morning when I thought I might have to take drastic action against my bathroom scale, I discovered I've now lost 41 pounds!!  If I can only keep going in that direction!


Wednesday, May 28, 2014

The Pursuit of Health Continues!

There's good news and bad news:

The good news is that I broke through the plateau barrier and saw 267.6 pounds on the scale!  That's a loss of 40.2 pounds.

The bad news is, it was temporary or a hallucination, because the last couple of days I've been up a pound again!

I've tried substituting a small orange for my glass of orange juice; I've got salad coming out my ears; still can't seem to drop another pound.



Monday, May 26, 2014

Memorial Day

Lest we forget our fallen warriors, those who have served, and those who are serving.


Saturday, May 24, 2014

Weekend Silliness

Kevin walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had.
Kevin said: 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.
Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Kevin what he had...

Kevin said, 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Kevin to wait in the examining room.

A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Kevin what he had.
Kevin said, 'Shingles..' So the nurse gave Kevin a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Kevin to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.

An hour later the doctor came in and found Kevin sitting patiently in the nude and asked Kevin what he had.

Kevin said, 'Shingles.'
The doctor asked, 'Where?'

Kevin said, 'Outside on the truck.’
        Where do you want me to unload 'em??'


A woman buys a new automatic Jaguar XKR Sport. She 
drives the car perfectly during the day, but at night, the car just won't move at all.  After trying to 
drive the car at night for a week (but without any
 luck), she furiously calls the Jaguar dealers and
 they send out a technician to her.  
The technician examines the car and finds nothing wrong with it. So he turns to her and asks: "Ma'am, are you sure you are using the right gears?" 
Full of anger, the woman replies: "How could you ask such a question? I'm not stupid you know! Of course
 I am using the right gears;  I use D during the day 
and N at night." 


                                  (That last one is courtesy of fishducky!)


Friday, May 23, 2014

'Fess Up Friday!

Okay, I admit it!  I'm hooked on the Bachelor/Bachelorette series!  As embarrassing as it is to admit, I haven't missed an episode in all the years it's been on--going all the way back to Trista and Ryan!

There's just something about the beautiful ladies, the beautiful clothes, the gorgeous guys, the dream destinations that I just can't resist.  I don't even mind the drama, bickering, and tears!  To me, every bit of it is entertaining!  I love guessing who'll be sent home each week and who the favorites will be.

Am I shallow?  Perhaps.  Lacking anything better to do?  Maybe.  But the fact that some of these couples actually end up really falling in love and getting married is fun; what a story they have to tell their children and grandchildren.

I know....some of the engagements don't last long....Remember "Monkey" and the guy from Great Britain?  That ship crashed on the rocks almost immediately, but I predicted that, too.

It's too early to guess who will end up with Andie this season, but I know I'll be watching and waiting to see who becomes her choice!  We know it won't be Eric Hill; the fellow was killed in a sky-diving accident after this season's filming ended.  That was tragic--a 32-year-old handsome fellow with his whole life ahead of him..

 Then there was the guy from a previous season who wanted to crash the party the first night.....I wonder if we've seen the last of him?  There's always some kind of interesting just adds to the fun of watching the show.

Well, now you know!  I'm just not a "high brow" kind of girl!  Any others out there who'll be joining me on that rollercoaster ride called the Bachelorette?

In the mean time---

(courtesy of fishducky!)


Tuesday, May 20, 2014

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly!

This whole weight loss thing has all of the above!

The Good:

I can now put on my seat belt when I get into the driver's seat of the car without having to struggle to get it under the steering wheel!

I have fewer chins than before!

I can put on my sneakers and fasten them without turning blue in the face and nearly passing out in the process!

The Bad:

I've hit a plateau.....haven't dropped a pound in 4 days;  in fact, I've gained one!  Yikes!

Whenever I see a pizza commercial on tv, I start to salivate!

When eating at a restaurant with my son and his family, I gave serious thought to wrestling a french fry out of my grandson's hand!

The Ugly:

My abdomen doesn't jut out as far, but it hangs lower.  (Of course, this might be a good thing because it hides the fact that my hoo-ha is nearly bald!)

Where I should have triceps, I now have low hanging flab.  (Also could be a good the right amount of wind, I might become airborne!)

I suspect that if I reach my goal weight, when naked I may resemble a Shar-Pei (except for the blue-black tongue!)


Monday, May 19, 2014

Losing Weight with Atkins

Let me start off by saying I have no affiliation with the Atkins brand; I'm not on their payroll, and they are not sponsoring my blog.  I have never been contacted by the company, nor have I contacted them.  I'm just loving their products!

I remember having read somewhere that the Atkins Diet was a low carb diet, and since that seemed to be what my heart doctor was recommending when he suggested that I cut out pasta, pizza, potatoes, and bread, I decided to try some Atkins Meal Bars.  

My favorite is the Atkins Chocolate Peanut Butter Bar.  I don't recommend eating Atkins bars all the time, but occasionally if I've consumed too many calories at lunch and breakfast and want a light dinner, I grab one of these bars.  They are delicious and contain helpful nutrients.  Like anything else, I'm sure moderation is the key.  I have read that some people suffer from allergy symptoms or constipation from eating Atkins bars.  I limit myself to 3 or 4 per week and have not experienced any difficulty.

I also purchased some Atkins Strawberry protein shakes, but I haven't tried one yet!

Even though the Atkins Diet recommends that you cut out carbs altogether and concentrate on protein and fats, I'm not following that.  I have my Quaker Oat Squares or Oatmeal with Apples and Cinnamon every morning.  I refuse to give up orange juice, and I try to incorporate a variety of fruits and veggies into my regimen while avoiding too much fat.

.  So far, this seems to be working as I'm losing weight and still feeling fine.

I do need to ramp up the exercise, however.  Visiting the "Chamber of Horrors" twice per week isn't enough, so I'm trying to get in the habit of doing more walking.  (See last Thursday's post, if you missed it!)

Anybody else out there trying to "downsize?"

EVA     (see last Thursday's post if you missed my description of the chamber!)

Saturday, May 17, 2014

Saturday Silliness

Sex and Good Grammar

On his 70th birthday, a man was given a gift certificate from his wife.
The certificate was for consultation with an Indian medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a simple cure for erectile dysfunction. The husband went to the reservation and saw the medicine man.

The Indian gave him a potion and with a grip on his shoulder warned, 'This is a powerful medicine. Take only a teaspoonful, then say '1-2-3.'  When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform for as long as you want."

The man thanked the old Indian and as he walked away, he turned and asked, "How do I stop the medicine from working?"
"Your partner must say '1-2-3-4,' he responded, "but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."

He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom. When she came in, he took off his clothes and said, "1-2-3!"Immediately, he was the manliest of men.
His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes, and then she asked, "What was the 1-2-3 for?"

And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle.

eBay Warning.....
Be careful what you buy on eBay.

If you buy stuff on line, check out the seller carefully.

A friend has just spent $95, plus postage, on a penis enlarger.

Bastards sent him a magnifying glass.

The only instructions said, "Do not use in sunlight."


I was always taught to respect my elders. 
But it keeps getting harder to find one. 



Enjoy the weekend!


Friday, May 16, 2014

Random Rambling

I went to the recylcling center to return bottles yesterday.  There was a fellow in front of me in line who appeared to be wearing brand new jeans that were huge on him!  He had to keep hiking them up.  I was going to suggest suspenders, but he didn't look like he'd appreciate my wit!

Later in the day, we went to my grandson's track meet.   He's 12 and in the 6th grade.  The meet included 6th, 7th, and 8th graders from 3 schools.  
He's on the right in the red shirt.  He placed second this time; last week he came in first!


We had breakfast at Panera Bread this morning.  Not a good place to go if you are cutting carbs!  I chose to have a Bacon and Spinach Souffle.  It was delicious, but more calories than I should be consuming in one meal!  Looks like I'll be having an Atkins Meal Bar for dinner tonight!

Which reminds me........I've now lost 39.2 pounds.  


Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Welcome to the Chamber of Horrors

(In order to continue to lose weight, I must exercise--not my favorite activity.   Below is a repost of my initial reaction to attending a fitness class for seniors.  Some of you may remember it--hope you're not too annoyed at me for posting it again!)

Today was a Silver Sneakers Day at the gym. Once again I dragged myself to that chamber of horrors and gave my unfit carcass over to the goddess of torture, for an activity which they euphemize as exercise. Heather, the goddess/instructor (whom you can't see if she stands sideways, so she faces front as much as possible) was her usual, perky self! She was smiling and chatting, all friendly, while she handed out her various pain inflicting devices....not so stretchy elastic bands with handles on the ends, fiendish rubber orbs she innocently refers to as balls, and pastel colored dumbbells. (You would think the name would give us a clue as to what's about to transpire!) We line up our chairs in front of her...feigning enthusiasm.....anything less would be regarded with disdain.

Heather turns on the music, which I now know is relied on to camouflage the sounds of popping joints, groans, moans, and desperate gasps for air. The cult members dutifully start marching in their seats to the strains of some disco number from the seventies with the goddess of torture calling out commands: "Slow step, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, ,2, 1; double time 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2,1; slow step again; double time again. Now bring your arms into it" as she moves her arms, bent at the elbow back and forth in time with the music. "Okay, now step out and back with your left leg 8 times, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1; right leg, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
Keep your arms moving."

The fact that I have no co-ordination becomes embarrassingly evident when she issues the command to stand, march in place, and now reach up, then down , then out to the side, then out to the front. Okay, I can march, or I can do the arm stuff! They just don't work well together! This is the 3rd torture session for me, and I manage to keep up the pace, just not both sets of limbs simultaneously. Mercifully she tells us to stop and have a sip of water and to look at the chart on the easel and determine where we are. The chart lists about ten levels starting with something like Breathing Normally, to Sweating Profusely, to Seeing Spots, all the way to Cardiac Arrest, the last of which she tells us we really should avoid.

We employ all the pain paraphernalia to achieve various movements and contortions until I'm wondering if I walked into S & M training by mistake! With beads of perspiration dripping into my eyes behind my fogged up glasses, I remind myself to check the sign on the door on my way out...if I make it out!
Now the music switches to another disco number "I Will Survive!" just about the time I'm sure I won't.

Finally the pace slows...the cool down period; our torture goddess calls it. We gradually ease the pace and the difficulty of the "dance" and our breathing begins to regain some semblance of normalcy. Then we are instructed to sit and that evil orb called a ball becomes an instrument of pleasure, inserted between our spines and the chair backs, and we undulate against it's comforting pressure. Following what we've just experienced, it's almost like having a masseuse manipulate those muscles, and euphoria takes over. Your mind knows it's a trick to make you think the next session will be worth it, but your body refuses to listen and succumbs to the pleasure.

Yep, I'll probably be there for the next torture session. I'm such a glutton for punishment!


Sunday, May 11, 2014

Mothers Day Menu

Happy Mother's Day to all the Mothers who read this post!

I have had a great day!  My younger son took hubby and me out to breakfast and we had a nice visit.  Then my older son and his family took us out to lunch (dinner, actually, because it was a large meal!).

I didn't do a great job diet-wise, but it could have been worse.

Here's what I ate:


Orange juice, 2 scrambled eggs, and 4 slices of bacon


Famous Dave's Burnt Ends Sandwich without the bread, 2 grilled pineapple steaks, and ice water.


For a snack, mid-afternoon, I had 2 small peppermint patties and a glass of Sparkling Ice, Grapefruit flavor.

I plan to have a few fresh strawberries later as a mini-dinner.......I'm really not very hungry.

The total Calories consumed?  1415  (I'm supposed to stay at 1390, so I'm not to far off there, but I'm over on fat and sodium.   How do I know this?  There's a very helpful website if you're trying to lose weight, called that the dietitian in the Bariatric Surgery Program told me about.

At first, I thought counting calories was a pain in the butt!  I mean who has the time or the inclination?  But this website allows you to type in what you eat and it breaks everything down by calories, carbs, fats, sodium, protein, etc.   It was a little time consuming in the beginning, but once you get started, it's pretty easy and kind of fun!  And, if you eat at a well-known restaurant, most items are on the website already,

You can also record your exercise and it will tell you how many calories you burned.  Again, the website is   Check it out!

Saturday, May 10, 2014

Wrestling Weight, Round Two

I attended the orientation class for Bariatric Surgery.  It was informative and as I looked around the room at the 50 or 60 others who were there, I saw several people larger than I, many of comparable size, and some who appeared smaller.  

As I listened to the surgery options, I learned that the program no longer offers the Lapband procedure, which was the least invasive.  The practice was discontinued because the success rate was only 30%.  I then listened to the possible side effects and complications......scary stuff!

The cardiologist, Dr. Glass, who conducted my stress tests and read my other test results told me that my heart is strong, and my arteries are clear. He added that I would be expected to lose 10% of my current weight as a demonstration of commitment before I would be accepted into the program.  And, if I really want to lose weight, I should give up pizza, pasta, potatoes, and bread.

This got me to thinking....I've accomplished many things in  my life and overcome obstacles that seemed in-surmountable at the time.  I should be able to lose weight if I make my mind up to do it.

But give up pizza???   Could I do it?  Ha!  I can do anything I set my mind to do! And then there's chocolate--Lindt, Godiva, Ghiradeli, Hershey Kisses, Peanut Butter Cups........I could go on and on.  I decided that my desire to be healthy is stronger than my constant craving for all of the above, and in January of this year, I set my course to see if I could lose weight without surgery!

How am I doing?  So far I have lost 38 pounds!  

I promised myself that if I could lose 30 pounds, I would allow myself pizza.  When I reached my goal, I treated myself to a thin-crust pizza---not my favorite, pepperoni and bacon--a green pepper and onion pizza, my concession to better health.  I ate half of that pizza and froze the other half, which is waiting for me when I have dropped 30 more pounds!

(Stay tuned for more of my journey to better health.)


Friday, May 9, 2014


Well, friends, I might be back.   That is, I'm back today, and I don't know for how long or how frequently.

I thought an explanation for my absence was due, so here goes:

In keeping with my "Wrestling With" theme, I've tackled a whole new adversary!  Now I'm "Wrestling With Weight."

  In December, my doctor referred me to the Bariatric Surgery Center at Maine Medical Center in Portland, Maine, where weight-loss surgeries are performed.  It was the second time she'd mentioned it in as many months, and I had to take her seriously.  I was constantly short of breath and totally lacking energy.  My weight had ballooned over a period of several years to 317 pounds.  At 5 foot 1, I had to face the fact that I am morbidly obese.

I agreed to pursue the subject and went through a series of tests to see if I am a viable candidate.  These included 2 stress tests--one on a treadmill, and one called a "nuclear stress test" which meant a chemical was injected into my blood stream and my heart was monitored while the chemical induced "stress" on my body; I also underwent a sonogram, an echo-cardiogram, and several others.

 I was thoroughly poked and prodded and the conclusion was that at nearly 70 years of age, I am still healthy enough to undergo the weight loss surgery.If you are not familiar with these procedures, there are three:

Lapband--where a band ties off a portion of the stomach so the patient can no longer eat as much.

Gastric Bypass--where the stomach is divided into two parts; the first is a small pouch (with the same aim as the Lapband) and a section of the intestine is attached to the pouch where food will pass through, and then it is re-attached to the remaining intestine below the remaining portion of the stomach, which continues to produce digestive juices.

Vertical sleeve Gastrectomy--where the larger part of the stomach is completely removed, leaving a tube or sleeve-like structure for food to pass through to the intestines.

I decided to go to the orientation meeting and learn more.

(Stay tuned for the next bout of "Wrestling With Weight.")