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Saturday, June 28, 2014

Weekend Silliness



The Zipper

In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a woman who was waiting for a bus was
wearing a tight leather skirt.  As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get
on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come
up to the height of the first step of the bus.  
 
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile 
to the bus driver, she reached behind her 
to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that
this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.

Again she tried to make the step, only to 
discover she still couldn't.  A little more 
embarrassed, she once again reached behind 
her back to unzip her skirt a little more.

For the second time she attempted the step, 
and once again, much to her chagrin, she 
could not raise her leg.  With a little smile 
to the driver, she again reached behind to 
unzip a little more, and was unable to make
 the step.

About this time, a large Texan who was 
standing behind her picked her up easily 
by the waist and placed her gently on the 
top step of the bus.

She went ballistic and turned to the would-be 
Samaritan and screeched, "How dare you touch my body!  
I don't even know who you are!"

The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, 
normally I  would agree with 
you, but after you unzipped my fly 
three times, I kinda' figured
we was friends." 
  

********************************



The First Apple
A woman ran a red traffic light and crashed into a man's car
Both of their cars were demolished but amazingly neither of them
was hurt.   
 After they crawled out of their cars, the woman said; “Wow 
 just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. 
This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days.”
The man replied, “I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!”
The woman continued, “And look at this, here's another miracle.
My car is completely demolished, but my bottle of wine didn't break.
Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.” Then she hands the bottle to the man.
The man nods his head in agreement, opens it, drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.
The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, “Aren't you having any?”
She replies, “Nah. I think I'll just wait for the police.”

Adam ate the first apple, too!
Men will never learn!!
********************************************
Prognosis:
  The Doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so the doctor gave him another six months.
*******************************
THE RESEARCH TELLS IT ALL!

The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why some women like Chinese food so much. The study revealed that the reason for this is because Won Ton spelled backward is Not Now.
***********************************************
Expectation
A man called his mother in Florida . "Mom, how are you?"
" Not too good," said the mother. "I've been very weak. " 
The son said, "Why are you so weak?" 
She said, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days."
 The son said, "That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days? " 
The mother answered, "Because, I didn't want my mouth to be full in case you should call."
*******************************************
Have a great weekend, and stop by Eddy Bluelights blog for a few more chuckles!
EVA

6 comments:

Eddie Bluelights said...

Love the first one especially!! . . . . . lol

You ARE awful EVA . . . . lol

Stephen Hayes said...

I always take liberties with anyone who unzips my fly three times. Yeah, like that's ever happened.

River said...

Ha Ha, if that man holds off paying his bill, he could eventually outlive the doctor! Another six months...
That sneaky woman with the wine bottle deserves her eventual karma.

Yamini MacLean said...

Hari OM
Oh dear (guilty laugh), as Eddie said, you ARE awful - but funny with it!!! YAM xx

fishducky said...

Funny, Eva!!

Susan Anderson said...

haha

loved the Harvard one.

=)