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Saturday, July 12, 2014

Weekend Silliness

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him out of $10,000,000.  His bookkeeper is deaf - that was the reason he got the job in the first place.  It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing and would therefore never have to testify in court.

When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about the missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer, who knows sign language. 
  
The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is."
  
The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, "Where's the money?" 
  
Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about."
  
The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you are talking about."

The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's head and says,  "Ask him again or I'll kill him!" 

The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him.
  
" Guido trembles and signs back, "OK!  You win!  The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house."
  
The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?"
  
The lawyer replies, "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."
  
Ya gotta love lawyers. 

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One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house. His three children were outside, still in their P.J.'s, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers thrown all about the front yard. The door to his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess.

A lamp had been knocked over, and a throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, Breakfast food was spilled on the counter, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand lay piled up by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and other piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried that she might be ill, or worse!!

He found her lounging into the bedroom, still in her pajamas, reading a novel.

She smiled, looked up at him and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"

She again smiled and answered, "you know everyday when you come home from work and ask me what in the world did I do today?"

"Yes", he replied reluctantly.

She answered, "We'll, today I didn't do it!!"

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Hope everyone enjoys the weekend!


(The above laughs are all courtesy of fishducky!)

PS:  Don't forget to visit Eddie Bluelights at Clouds and Silvery Linings for some fun quotes!

EVA

9 comments:

Brian Miller said...

ha. when she does not hold the world together it spins of control....and the lawyers, they def find the way to make their money...ha.

good to see you eva.
happy saturday

Eddie Bluelights said...

Very funny Eva - wish I knew a deaf
book keeper who knows a filthy rich Mafia boss . . . . lol
I have your link on :)

Yamini MacLean said...

Hari OM
Eve can be depended upon for a weekly infusion of laughter meds!!! YAM xx

Stephen Hayes said...

Love that one about the Mafia Godfather. I hope you're having a great weekend.

fishducky said...

Thanks for the plug!!

River said...

Every time I think Diet, I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

Love the housework one, an oldie that is still relevant today.

Merlesworld said...

Had a good laugh, always good for the soul.
Merle......................

Dawn@Lighten Up! said...

Oh, the PMS. Where's the chocolate and wine? ;)

Eva Gallant said...

Brian: Leave it to a lawyer!

Eddie: I have your link, too.

Yamini: Thanks. I try.

Stephen: Hope you are, too.

fishducky: Thank YOU!

River: It's my only shot at a clean house

Merle: I agree...we can never have too much laughter!

Dawn: I'm way past PMS time, but I still could use some chocolate and wine!