Sunday, August 24, 2014

Weekend Silliness

    A  girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and  have dinner with her parents.
Since  this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend  that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for  the first time.

The  boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes  a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms.He tells the  pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the  boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to  know about condoms and sex.

At the register,  the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy,  a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The  boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be  rather busy, it being his first time and  all.

That  night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets  his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for  you to meet my parents, come on in!"

The  boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the  girl's parents are seated.The boy quickly offers to say grace  and bows his head.A minute passes, and the boy is still deep  in prayer,with his head down.

10 minutes pass,  and still no movement from the  boy.

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the  girlfriend leans over and whispers to the  boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this  religious."

The  boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your  father was THE pharmacist."
     (Thank you, BJF!)


A woman and a man are lying in bed next to each other when her phone rings.  She picks up; the man looks over at her and listens. She is speaking in a cheery voice,
"Hi, I'm so glad you called. Really?   That's wonderful.   I'm so happy for you.   That sounds terrific.   Great!   Thanks.   Okay.   Bye-bye."
She hangs up and the man asks, "Who was that?"
"Oh,” she replies, "that was my husband telling me about the great time he's having on his golf trip with you."

(thanks, fishducky!)


We were celebrating the 100th anniversary of our church, and several former pastors and the bishop were in attendance.

At one point, our minister had the children gather at the altar for a talk about the importance of the day. He began by asking, "Does anyone know what the bishop does?"

There was silence. Finally, one little boy answered gravely, "He's the one you can move diagonally." 

(thanks again, fishducky!)

Several men are in the locker room at a golf cliub.  A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk.  Everyone else in the room stops to listen:
MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Hi Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes."

 WOMAN: "I'm at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat.  It's only $2,000; is it OK if I buy it?"

   MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."
   WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new models.  
 saw one I really liked."
   MAN: "How much?"

    WOMAN: "$90,000." 
   MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

  WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing... I was just talking to Janie and found out that the house I wanted last year is back on the market.   They're asking $980,000 for it."
  MAN: "Well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900,000. They'll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra eighty-thousand if it's what you really want."
  WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!"
   MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.
He turns and asks, "Anyone know who's phone this is?"

(Thanks, N.P.)

Hope you're having a great weekend!



A Beer For The Shower said...

These were all fantastic. In particular I love the one about the bishop moving diagonally. Speaking of, I rode a horse once, but it never once moved in L-shaped patterns.

ce8d632a-647c-11e3-94d3-000bcdcb2996 said...

You baby boomers are the most selfish generation to ever exist. You destroyed your own children's and grandchildren's future with your short-sighted selfishness and immaturity. And then you expect them to pay for your retirement????

Can you baby boomers just hurry up and drop dead, please?

Al Penwasser said...

The condom one reminds me of....
"That pack of condoms will be $9.75 with tax."
"Tacks? I don't need tacks to hold them on."

On a related note, where the hell did that LAST comment come from? He (or she) sounds like an angry elf.

Al Penwasser said...

Oh, that's just frikkin' great! Now I have the sniffles! Thanks for the death wish, Mr. ce8d632a-647c-11e3-94d3-000bcdcb2996!
If that is your real name!

Eddie Bluelights said...

So funny Eva - laughed my socks off ~ Eddie

Eddie Bluelights said...

Great Eva ~ so funny.
Laughed my socks off ~ Eddie x

Eddie Bluelights said...

Great Eva ~ so funny.
Laughed my socks off ~ Eddie x