Sunday, September 14, 2014

Weekend Wackiness!

Head of the Class

A former marine sargeant after discharge from the military service,
took a new job as a school teacher.  Just before the school year started,
he injured his back and  was required to wear a plaster cast around the
upper part of his body.  Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and wasn't
noticeable.  On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest
students in the school.  The punks were leery of him and decided to see how
tough he really was before trying any pranks.   Walking confidently
into the rowdy classroom, teacher opened the window and sat down at his desk.

When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he picked up a stapler and promptly stapled the tie
to his chest.

There was dead silence.  He had no trouble with discipline that year.

(Thanks to N.P. for this one and the one following!)


 Baptizing An Irishman

An Irish man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river.
The drunk proceeds into the water, subsequently bumping into the preacher.

The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon, he asks the drunk, "Are you ready to find Jesus?"

The drunk shouts, "Yes, I am."
So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water.
He pulls him back and asks, "Brother, have you found Jesus?"

The drunk replies, "No, I haven't found Jesus!"
The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks him again but for a little longer.

He again pulls him out of the water and asks, "Have you found Jesus, my brother?"

The drunk answers, "No, I haven't found Jesus!"

By this time, the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk again -- but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds, and when he begins kicking his arms and legs about, he pulls him up. 
The preacher again asks the drunk, "For the love of God, have you found Jesus?"

(get ready for this ... ). The drunk staggers upright, wipes his eyes, coughs up a bit of water, catches his breath, and says to the preacher,

"Are you sure this is where he fell in"?

The Sure Cure

A woman went to the doctor's office, where she was seen by one of the younger doctors.  After
about four minutes in the examining room, she burst out screaming while running down the hall.
An older doctor stopped her and asked her what the problem was, and she told him her story.  After 
listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room.  The older marcheded back down the hall to where the young doctor was writing on his clipboard.

"What's the matter with you," the old doctor demanded.  "Mrs. Terry is 74 years old, has four grown children and 8 grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant??"

The young doctor continued writing and without looking up asked, "Does she still have the hiccups?"

Thank you, fishducky!

Enjoy the day, everyone!



The Dose of Reality said...

HA HA HA!! I am crying with laughter over each and every one of these!! This was the PERFECT start to my Monday! :)-Ashley

A Beer For The Shower said...

That Irish baptism is gold. I have to admit I laughed out loud at that one.

Eva Gallant said...

Ashley: Glad I could make your day!

Beer for the Shower: Glad to have tickled your funny bone!